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Who Will Be Coming Home?

Old 08-31-2010, 08:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tormentedmirror View Post
I don't know much about his personal life, and only accidentally discovered that he's a recovering alcholic (2 or 3 yrs). I said something one day and he mentioned that he was a recovering alchoholic. We speak briefly in passing, and he asks about her.
yeah, tm, that was not my most shining moment.
judging his opinion on the matter.
still a work in progress myself.

for me, and my experience, do what is comfortable for you.
for me, that would be no alcohol available to her in the house.
because she asked.
and then, take it day by day.
i am rooting for all of you.

beth
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:01 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wicked View Post
yeah, tm, that was not my most shining moment.
judging his opinion on the matter.
still a work in progress myself.

for me, and my experience, do what is comfortable for you.
for me, that would be no alcohol available to her in the house.
because she asked.
and then, take it day by day.
i am rooting for all of you.

beth
I'm not opposed to alchohol not being readily available to her. I was just a little confused because of what the guy at work said. Even then, I was having trouble agreeing with him, but thought maybe it was a part of the detaching thing I was missing.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:04 AM
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I think early in recovery if someone wants their home to be a safe haven I would definately accomadate. Yes, she can get booze anywhere, but home should be a soft place to fall, not full of the temptations that will be all around her out in the world. It may change after a while, but like Wicked, I would honor her request.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:10 AM
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My daughter's detox and rehab strongly suggested keeping a sober home if they were going to live there.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:27 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Chino View Post
My daughter's detox and rehab strongly suggested keeping a sober home if they were going to live there.
If I got a " do over" I would not have taken my daughter back in after being at rehab for months. She was back out there within hours and the cycle began again.

It took time for me to understand that I was powerless over her and her choices and that I was not her only option.

A sober home will require your daughter to become employed and start taking responsibility for herself as a condition of remaining in the house. If she instead chooses drugs, she becomes homeless. It's important to remember that it is your daughter's choices, not you, that determine the consequences.

The rehab can likely work with your daughter to locate a sober house, once it is understood that coming home is not negotiable, provided you are ready to impose your own boundaries and let go of the outcomes.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
If I got a " do over" I would not have taken my daughter back in after being at rehab for months. She was back out there within hours and the cycle began again.

It took time for me to understand that I was powerless over her and her choices and that I was not her only option.

A sober home will require your daughter to become employed and start taking responsibility for herself as a condition of remaining in the house. If she instead chooses drugs, she becomes homeless. It's important to remember that it is your daughter's choices, not you, that determine the consequences.

The rehab can likely work with your daughter to locate a sober house, once it is understood that coming home is not negotiable, provided you are ready to impose your own boundaries and let go of the outcomes.

She does have a job. She is very fortunate in that she was the one to admit that she needed help, she self reported at work, and is now on short term disability. She actually has a very good job, with excellent benefits. She has also admitted herself for an extra month in rehab, and appears to be taking this all very seriously and responsibly. She has never stolen from us, or exhibited violent behavior toward us. I think that perhaps this was caught before it got terribly out of control. That's not to say that I think we have the ideal circumstances for recovery. I have no way of knowing that, and I now that relapse is just one drink/one pill/one whatever away. What I am seeing is that things have consistently improved since she has been in rehab and I have no reason at this point to kick her to the curb. She knows she has a lot at risk.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:47 AM
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Considering that this is her first go-round and seems to have been caught fairly early, I don't see why she shouldn't have the option of coming back home after rehab, if her attitude is right and she proves that she will put for the effort to keep her sobriety. It's not like the decision can't be revisited later if she goes back to using.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Considering that this is her first go-round and seems to have been caught fairly early, I don't see why she shouldn't have the option of coming back home after rehab, if her attitude is right and she proves that she will put for the effort to keep her sobriety. It's not like the decision can't be revisited later if she goes back to using.
Thanks for saying so.

I'd just like to add that this particular treatment center does not recommend sober/halfway houses unless the individual has no where else to go. The counselor was rather emphatic about the point.
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:01 PM
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She sounds self motivated and that's so important
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Chino View Post
She sounds self motivated and that's so important
She always has been. With the medications that she has been prescribed, there was always an excuse for the laziness/tiredness/not feeling well. So I never suspected substance abuse. To this day, her peers and superiors speak very highly of her and are completely behind her in her recovery efforts.

She's a lucky girl. She has a lot of people on her side. She knows this is a one time good deal, and it won't be there a second time.
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