Originally Posted by NightandDay (Post 2681617)

I only came at the number 6 because that's the number they say you should try before deciding if Al-Anon is right for you.

Five months seems long to me right now! I know maybe it's a blip in the grand scheme of things, but it just looms at me at the moment.

It takes a year (at most) for addicts to recover. This is more of a realistic figure to work with. 5 months may seem long but they are even longer when dealing with someone fresh out of rehab.


Another thing. . oh god, I don't even want to say it. But I will. He says he understands if I need the time, that he won't be mad, that I deserve to work on myself and get healthy. Then he said that if we don't talk, he might get so depressed he will slip! F*CK. I know that's incredibly manipulative. . .but the thing is, I TRULY DON'T THINK he's trying to be manipulative. I think he is scared sh*tless.

Completely manipulative. I've heard this over and over again and it drove me absolutely insane. I still hear it to this day with random text on how great of a person he will be....just wait and see. Yeah...okay...I'll wait alright. NOT. I finally texted him back and asked does he own his own place, pay his own bills, have his car legally back on the road, pay child support?? If the answer is no....then no we cannot be together. He hasn't responded to that text yet. Yet, I was getting all kinds of texts on how great he is.

And I do have perhaps a bit of an over-exaggerated sense of the power I hold regarding his life. First of all, because all our friends say that I do and second of all, he really would not have gotten to rehab without all the time and energy I spent getting everyone on board for first an intervention and then in holding firm after the intervention failed in not talking to him unless he got help.

I use to think this same thing and looking back on it.....I feel I wasted my time. I became bitter and resentful because it didn't stick. I should have avoided it like the black plague and took care of my own emotions and health.

After he got out of rehab, he was really grateful and expressed that. And still does.

And they will express it until they turn blue. After awhile, the gratefulness turned into hate when I decided I couldn't live the life and walk the walk with a recovering addict. I then became the Bi*ch that didn't have a heart. But wait, what happended to that angel out of the sky?

Is there any way for me to not abandon him without getting totally codie? I certainly was deep in it with getting him to rehab and the intervention.

Some people have no concepts of boundaries and if he's one of them then abandoning is the only way. But in a way, are you abandoning him? What makes you feel that way?

Or is the sad fact of things that we are just unhealthy for each other. . .