rcvrygirl

So this is it. I was in a relationship with someone who is using and I need to let go. Him getting locked up for 2 months has been a huge blessing in disguise. For the last 5 years I spent my time trying to 'control' and 'fix' everything. Having this time off has shown what fun my life can be and how
the lack of stress in my life can be a beautiful thing.
Bummer part is he is being released on Friday. I already wrote and told him I don't want him to stay here anymore. All his stuff is here but it is my house.
I have a feeling of impending doom and I don't like it.
What I am doing for me is keeping my relationship with my higher power, treating myself to good times, and detaching day by day. Not taking care of what is not mine to take care of. Not caving in and writing a letter.
I need to stay in today but I have been rehearsing how I am going to ask for the keys back and hold my ground. All the sweet writing in the world does
not change the fact that I do not trust this person anymore and I need to
take care of me.
Ahhh that felt good. Thank you for being here sober recovery!
I sure hope I am posting to the right place but if not I am sure you understand!

Taking5

If you want out you need to take steps to get out. Not having all his stuff would be a great start. Pack up all of his stuff so he can easily move it. If that doesn't work move it for him into a storage unit and give him the key.

outtolunch

Asking for the key back is a big ole drama and no certainty that he does not have a copy, just in case. So why not have the locks changed, right now and be done with it.

hello-kitty

Pack up his stuff. Change the locks. Great advice. This is the time to do it. It's much much harder to get them to leave when they are already staying there.

Freedom1990

I agree. I changed the locks after I booted my AD out because I didn't trust her to not have made copies of her spare key. It was worth the peace of mind.

Have his stuff setting outside when he gets out. If nothing else, pin a note on the outside of your door the day he gets out stating the stuff needs to be gone that day, or it's going to the curb. Don't even give him an inch to wiggle with.

I spent 5 years trying to fix my EXAH, and nearly died in the process.

I'm glad you found us here at SR, and I hope you continue to post!

rcvrygirl

The day draws nearer...He only has a key to the top lock, not the bottom.
It sounds like a lesson in tough love to put everything outside. I'm not even sure
he will have a car when he gets out.
What I can do is ask for my 'top lock' key back, let him get some things and let him
know his stuff cannot stay here forever. I don't really want to pay a storage forevermore either....
Thank you all for your replies.

hello-kitty

This is a good thing. Keep us posted ok. It's so hard when they get out of jail. They act needy. They pretend they have changed. They have sad puppy dog eyes....

It usually doesn't work out though. And we end up wishing we would have just let them find their own way immediately instead of taking them back again.

fourmaggie

remember...to call the police if it gets out of hand....leave everything outside.. ITS not your responsilblity anymore...dont be afraid to stand your ground...YOU will be tested...and tested and tested some more...set your boundaries...IT JUST MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE...good luck and welcome...anytime SR is here

Angelic17

rcvrygirl, If I were you I would change the locks. You don't really trust him anymore, he's in jail because he is dishonest. So, change the locks, and let him get his stuff. Have it all ready for him, and see ya. Let us know how that works out for you. Good Luck. Oh, and don't let anyone have the key to your house. In the future let a great guy give you the key to his place. You don't need a loser living off of you.

rcvrygirl

Update: Turned off my phone all day at work so I wouldn't get any disruptive phone calls.
I was going to nix my plans of going to the movies with my friend but decided to go see Eat, Pray, Love after all. I cannot continue to put my life on hold for him.
No contact thus far. I don't even know if he got released.
I must go on living and enjoying life in the moment instead of dreading what may happen
next. Thank you all for responding. It really gives me strength and makes it so real
to see it written in black and white. SR rocks!

fourmaggie

now move forward, and stick to your BOUNDARIES...it gets easier....

KariSue

It also might help to have someone there with you if you feel you will weaken when he comes to get his things. I have done that. I had two family members here. We had to end up calling the police anyway but they were great. If you agree to let him get his stuff the police will come back when you are ready and supervise it all. An officer did that for us. It was drama free because the officer told both parties that if they got out of line during the process that he would arrest them both. He stayed till the things were loaded and the parties were gone.

Kari