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Old 08-06-2010, 06:56 AM
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Nightmare

Bad dream last night. :-(

I was chasing my ex down. Trying to catch him buying cocaine. I chased him into a flea market. He bought a stuffed animal and a little jewelry box. I chased him all the way from Seattle to Portland. I found where he lived and went there. He was using drugs but pretending not to be. I yelled at him about when was he going to grow up, get a job, get into recovery and support his family. He just kept sneaking out to smoke crack. He just laughed at me and lied to me that he was doing all these things already. I got so angry and I started wanting to use his drugs (I didn't and remember this was just a vivid dream).

Finally I decided to leave and go home. I felt heartbroken and exhausted. Before I left, I ripped the head off his stuffed animal and broke the jewelry box. As I was heading out the door, I was still yelling at him that it was his fault I was stuck in Portland with no car, no money and no way to get home. I walked out of his house and there was my little boy. He was so happy to see his daddy. He just looked at me very reproachful like and said, "mama, why are you always so mean to daddy."

Finally I woke up, and got up to clean the kitchen.

Ack.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:34 AM
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The dreams can feel so real, sorry your day started off this way.
It was just a dream try to shake it off and remember you are doing whats best for your son
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:49 AM
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mama, why are you always so mean to daddy

That is such a hard thing for me too. I know towards the end of XAH being here when he was using, I was full of venom. It was so hard for me to contain around the kids.

I hate vivid dreams like that HK. I have them too. I hate when I wake up and it takes forever for me to shake it off. I know they're not real, but I still feel the after effects for a while after.
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:37 AM
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I bet you woke up exhausted

I could tell you what my therapist would say about it in very general terms, but I suspect you probably already know. Please keep working on you because I think you've doing a pretty good job of it
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:59 AM
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I have the same thing..been dreaming that my daughter is in high school (she's 18) and I have to try to "control" all her addict behavior..I scream in my dreams and wake up very shaken..then grteful that I am no longer living thta life. She hasn't called in 5 weeks..my trigger..I suspect maybe you had a trigger too.Also, the better I am at dealing w/stuff in the day, the more it comes out at night..guess it really wants out of my head!
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:05 AM
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Hello-Kitty, Dreams are very confusing sometimes. Some people say what your dreaming usually means the opposite. I don't know about that, because I have not studied about dreams and the meanings. What I am wondering is if your ex is still using drugs, or if he is clean now. Does he see your little boy?

I do believe that our dreams are telling us something. When my son was out using, I dreamt that we were in a car together, and he was driving backwards. It was my motherly instinct telling me my son was going in the wrong direction. If you have a therapist that you speak to, therapists usually have knowledge and understanding of their patients dreams. Thanks for sharing this. It keeps me wondering about my own dreams.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:38 AM
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It IS exhausting waking up from dreams like that. I've woken up soaking wet from sweating. I hate that!
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:34 PM
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wow, I too get vivid dreams and wake up..just told my coworkers about 2 this week, both accuring at 5:00 am.
the first one, my ex was in rehab in a bed so happy and talking to me about feeling so good off the meds, then he was on the phone with the young couple he now lives with and they were telling him bad things about me and he became angry at me and it all started up again the arguing about how mean I am, its over...etc.
the second one, I was at a car auction lot and he appeared angry with a gun, I ran around the cars and yelled for help, he then ran to the auction office with the gun and the police came and they were wrestling him to the ground and I was crying and yelling please dont hurt him he is very ill from mental illness and he was fighting and struggling, not him at all.

I woke up both times, couldnt get back to sleep, funny I dont remember my dreams but yet both of these are still clear in my mind.

very interesting to read this thread
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Old 08-06-2010, 04:09 PM
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What I am wondering is if your ex is still using drugs, or if he is clean now. Does he see your little boy?
I have no idea what my ex is up to since I have had no contact with him for months. But I can imagine. When using, he is a crack addict of the worst caliber and when he is clean, at best he is an irresponsible, dishonest teenager trapped in the body of a 40 year old man.

Last time I saw him he showed up at my house to visit his son. He was stinking of tequila and had a crack pipe in his hand. That was 4 months ago. I kicked him out. 6 weeks later he called and left a B.S. message about being clean and wanting to see his son. Well I've been there and done that with him too many times to count. I didn't respond. He never called back. After that I changed my phone number so I wouldn't have to deal with his B.S.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty about that. But not very often. It was definitely the WISE choice for me and my boy. Even though it makes me sad for my little guy that his dad is not a part of his life.

I do believe that our dreams are telling us something.
What is this dream telling me? Hmmmm... That my ex is a turd. ;-)
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:39 PM
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That my ex is a turd. ;-)

Right there with ya sista! Here's to finding non turdy men.
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Old 08-06-2010, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
I have no idea what my ex is up to since I have had no contact with him for months. But I can imagine. When using, he is a crack addict of the worst caliber and when he is clean, at best he is an irresponsible, dishonest teenager trapped in the body of a 40 year old man.

Last time I saw him he showed up at my house to visit his son. He was stinking of tequila and had a crack pipe in his hand. That was 4 months ago. I kicked him out. 6 weeks later he called and left a B.S. message about being clean and wanting to see his son. Well I've been there and done that with him too many times to count. I didn't respond. He never called back. After that I changed my phone number so I wouldn't have to deal with his B.S.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty about that. But not very often. It was definitely the WISE choice for me and my boy. Even though it makes me sad for my little guy that his dad is not a part of his life.



What is this dream telling me? Hmmmm... That my ex is a turd. ;-)

I'm sorry that he is such a turd. It's a shame for your son. But, your son is much better off without his fathers negative example. He has you and he will grow up fine. I made the mistake of letting my ex husband have our son when ever he wanted him. He wasn't a crack head, but he might as well have been. A crack head would have set a better example for my son, than his own father. When I allowed him to have visitation, and take him when ever he wanted, I thought I was doing a great thing. Both for my ex, and my son. Now after seeing the finished product of my ex's negativity rubbed off on my son, it makes me feel so sad. I know I made a mistake, letting him influence my son. I truly feel that my ex ruined a perfectly good boy. He took him from me for good at the age of 18. When all of the hard work was done. He let him run the streets and stay out all night. He allowed him to sleep all day, without a job, and without going to college. My son got involved with drugs, and the rest is history. He had a terrible role model for a father. He got no discipline from his father. His dad tried to be his friend. Instead of his father.

Believe me your son is better off without his dad if his father is going to be a mess and a raging drug addict. I'm sorry, for you and your son. And I feel bad that I asked about him, because I didn't mean to upset you. Sounds like the turd needs a miracle.

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Old 08-06-2010, 08:04 PM
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Thank You Angelic!

I'm sorry that he is such a turd. It's a shame for your son. But, your son is much better off without his fathers negative example. He has you and he will grow up fine. I made the mistake of letting my ex husband have our son when ever he wanted him. He wasn't a crack head, but he might as well have been. A crack head would have set a better example for my son, than his own father. When I allowed him to have visitation, and take him when ever he wanted, I thought I was doing a great thing. Both for my ex, and my son. Now after seeing the finished product of my ex's negativity rubbed off on my son, it makes me feel so sad. I know I made a mistake, letting him influence my son. I truly feel that my ex ruined a perfectly good boy. He took him from me for good at the age of 18. When all of the hard work was done. He let him run the streets and stay out all night. He allowed him to sleep all day, without a job, and without going to college. My son got involved with drugs, and the rest is history. He had a terrible role model for a father. He got no discipline from his father. His dad tried to be his friend. Instead of his father.

Believe me your son is better off without his dad if his father is going to be a mess and a raging drug addict. I'm sorry, for you and your son. And I feel bad that I asked about him, because I didn't mean to upset you. Sounds like the turd needs a miracle.


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Old 08-07-2010, 07:45 AM
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You didn't upset me Angelic. I'm glad you asked! :-) And your post was awesome. Thank you.
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:31 AM
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I have dreams like that too...a couple of weeks ago I had a dream where my husband was attempting to open the cage of these tigers (my husband loves big cats...it was always a stop we made at the zoo). So he kept insisting he could go in and pet them and they wouldn't hurt him. I kept feeling this dread knowing that sooner or later, they would eat him alive. So I voiced my concern, but the next thing I know, he's sitting in the cage of a huge tiger and petting its head... I was stunned and scared to death...but I just shook my head and thought he was crazy to be in there...but I walked away from the cage to go talk to someone else in the room... The next thing I hear is a tremendous roar and I see my exah running for his life...and I'm hoping he's faster than this tiger and can escape...as I think this I see the tiger come up behind him and follow him into the room he was trying to escape to... I remember "knowing" he was going to die... I woke up with my heart pounding...thinking just like you, I HATE these kind of dreams...absolutely hate how it makes me feel...

So you are not alone...and dreams are just that...a dream...it doesn't have to be our reality... Perhaps it's just a reflection of our unexpressed fears...it brings issues to the forefront of our conscience mind so that we're forced to face and deal with these thoughts constructively. I know mine caused me to face a real fear of mine...that my exah will eventually die at the hands of his addiction... I wish you the best!
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