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just getting news of AS's possible prison time

Old 08-05-2010, 05:52 PM
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it is what it is
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just getting news of AS's possible prison time

I got an email from the lawyer today saying that my AS will probably be serving at least 2 years in prison. I knew it was coming. He has been in jail since May 31. The reality really hits hard. I want to think, "Well, at least he will be safe and sober." That has been a comfort to me throughout this summer. But for some reason it doesn't seem very comforting right now. I know that sometimes a good cry is the only way to get through. I guess that is what I need for starters. As each new piece of information comes I'm sure it will be like waves until it all gets settled. I really hate drugs.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:12 PM
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Hang in there!

I can only imagine how nervewrecking it must be to be getting these details bit by bit, but like you said, once the waves calm, things will settle, and I bet they get easier at that point. Nothing wrong with needing to allow yourself some time for it all to sink in.

Keep staying strong.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:16 PM
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Originally Posted by litehorse View Post
I got an email from the lawyer today saying that my AS will probably be serving at least 2 years in prison. I knew it was coming. He has been in jail since May 31. The reality really hits hard. I want to think, "Well, at least he will be safe and sober." That has been a comfort to me throughout this summer. But for some reason it doesn't seem very comforting right now. I know that sometimes a good cry is the only way to get through. I guess that is what I need for starters. As each new piece of information comes I'm sure it will be like waves until it all gets settled. I really hate drugs.


Litehorse My heart goes out to you. This might be the one thing that saves your son's life and put's an end to his drug use and criminal activity.
I don't blame you for crying. I would cry to, and I have cried over my son many many times. I know the hurt and pain you feel, and the thought that your beautiful boy with so much potential is in jail is awful. It's sad and heartbreaking, and it just shouldn't be. I hate drugs with a passion. I wish they would be banned from the earth for what they have done to my family.

Just be grateful that he is not still out there using drugs, or worse, like so many others, dead. There are many moms on this site that would trade places with you or I in a minute when it comes to our boys. I am very sorry about your sons jail time, but happy that he is alive and still has a good chance at making something out of his life. It's up to him, and you and I need to take care of ourselves. It took me a long time to get to this point.

I'm stronger now then I was 2 years ago. I was totally enabling. It didn't help.
Take care of yourself, and you can write to your son, to help ease his time. Maybe he will do less time, and get out early. I do believe in miracles, and things sometimes change because of circumstances like over crowding, and other things. Be strong. Believe it or not, it could be much worse. Thank GOD your not planning a funeral. That's what I try to tell myself, when it comes to my son. GOD help the mother's who have lost their children to addiction. I am thankful my son is not dead, after all the drugs he put in his body. Try to look at the bright side. Even though, you really can't see it right now.
I'm sorry.

:ghug3
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:33 PM
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Angelic - thank you so much for your words of comfort - I certainly agree that it could be so much worse - and i am thankful that he is safe and sober - i guess the reality of it actually happening had to slap me around a bit now I can get back to doing something positive
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:19 PM
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faith

It is perfectly normal to MOURN the loss of your son, but thankfully it will be temporary.
Your hopes and dreams for him shattered.
May this be the setting your boy uses to learn the lessons needed to
move him beyond his current lifestyle.
My friend's son was in and out of jails and prisons until he was 38. At age 40 he is doing well. Our sons got derailed by drugs. Some find their way back.
My son didn't make it. Keep the faith that your son will.
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:24 PM
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litehorse
That had to be a tough blow and I would have cried had I received that news too. It's hard not to let news like that swallow us up. There are times that "let go and let God" just seems to be too much to ask......

I pray that tomorrow brings you some peace.

gentle hugs
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:51 PM
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((((( Litehorse )))))

My thoughts and prayers are with every mother who mourns the loss of their children today, whether in body or mind.
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Old 08-06-2010, 02:46 AM
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I want to thank all of you for your kind words of comfort and encouragement. I have been mourning the loss of my son on one level, but i realize that the mere fact that he is still breathing somewhere in this world is an amazing gift and i am so thankful for that. It does put me in mind of all the mothers who have lost their children, several just since i have joined this forum. My prayers go out to all of you. It is an indication of your strength and compassion that you would take the time to respond to me in this situation.
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:01 AM
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Keeping you and your boy in my prayers Litehorse.

Each morning I turn the care of my son over to God, it helps me let go and find peace knowing that his life is really between him and God anyway. But I trust that even though God's path may include some rough places along the way, like jail, that there is a purpose to all this and it's part of my son's journey.

Your son may meet someone in prison who will say something he needs to hear. Someone may reach out to him with their story and make him think about his own. He may say something that will touch another person there deep in their heart.

I believe that God puts us where we are supposed to be and for a purpose. I truly believe that there is something in that prison that will bring your son good lessons, something that just may turn his life around.

When I walk in faith, even blind faith, I find the peace I need to make it through each day. I am so honoured to have you all walk with me on this journey, and litehorse, we're holding your hand through all this, so know you have friends who understand.

Hugs
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:42 AM
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Thank you, as always Ann, for your wise words.
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:57 AM
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Litehorse,
There is a lot of wisdom in the words of those who posted before me. At 23 my son who will be getting out of jail in 3-4 more weeks, will have been clean for 10 months the longest in 6 years. I can't help feel that he would have never turned himself in on his violation of probation, because he kept saying that he was saving money to bail himself out for over a year. He will always have a record and will have great difficulty finding a job, especially with the economy. I wrote a letter to him and told him that if this was the only time in his life that he was going to be clean, than I hoped that the judge would give him the 5 years he was originally looking at. Yes we mourn the possibility of what our children could have become, done, etc., but at least they are alive. As Ann said, maybe someone will reach him.

I am experiencing some anxiety, wondering what will happen when my son gets out. He claims that he is done with the drugs and the lifestyle, but I can't help feel that it is jailhouse remorse speaking. He has admitted to me that if he continued/continues to use, he will die.

While my son has been in jail, I have experienced a serenity in my life that I have not felt in a long time. Knowing that he is safe and being cared for. He is in a drug counseling program, while in jail and his counselor tells me that he is doing well. I pray that he is able to continue to make progress when he gets out.

May God bless you and your family.
M.
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Old 08-06-2010, 08:55 AM
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I can only imagine the mixed feelings you are having..sometimes I wish my AD would get arrested and it would "wake her up", but I know I would feel heartbroken (as if there is much more to break) if she was sentenced for a long period of time. No of us know what is the "right" thing for our child and that is the hard part.I really like what Ann said..perhaps someone in there will show him something or say the thing that clicks for him...keep hoping..I am.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:38 AM
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Exclamation AS's possible prison time...

Hi LiteHorse,

It is sad to know your son is going to be confined in jail even longer. I wish that was where my son was now instead of being a quadriplegic confined to bed or a wheelchair. He was in the Navy four years right out of highschool & came home with a big alcohol problem & some drug use.

He was in the VA Hospital off & on after his initial discharge to go to his own home with caregivers. He was a very active outdoor person so this must be hard for him. He has never talked with his Dad or me about driving his truck over a cliff while drunk. This happened in 2002.

He is living in an Adult Family Home for Special Needs & gets excellant care. He is about 100 miles from us so we see him more often than before. He is not much of a visiter or phone talker unless he needs something.

I have had a terrible time handling this but finally a counselor showed me how to change my emotions & feelings since this was a situation that cannot be changed. This really is helping me so I don't feel so sad all the time.

He is 40 years old & has two sons 18 & 16. They live near us & their Mom helps us with taking them or picking them up when they spend the weekend with their Dad. The oldest one has a car now so they don't need rides until he goes to college.


I wish you the best for you & your son. Even if it feels like we are not making headway on communication it still seems like our son loves us a whole lot.

kelsh
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:11 PM
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Ann, I have felt the same way and my prayers have encompassed the understanding that only God knows what is best for him. And yes it is between my son and God - I've prayed that if prison is where that person or experience or whatever is then that is certainly where he needs to be. It still, as I know everyone here knows, is so hard to face, when I think that only two short years ago I was thinking things would work out so differently. But it is what it is - and staying in the moment will bring things back to a balance. You are all so great to listen compassionately and reach out in understanding.
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:18 PM
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kelsh - I am so sorry to hear about your son - I know he loves you - I think when these terrible circumstances come about it is difficult for some people to know how to express that love. My brother dove into a creek when he was 14 years old and broke his neck. His has been a quadrapaligic since and, of course, in a wheelchair. He has always been distant emotionally. Maybe needing people in ways that an adult doesn't think they should have to need people is hard to get passed, I don't know. I do know my brother loves us - his family. Thank you so much for reaching out to me during this difficult time, even while you are dealing with so much. My prayers will be with you and your son.
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:26 PM
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dear helpformyson - your post sounded like i could have typed it myself - we are just going into the time, whereas your son is just getting out, but i have already been thinking about how it will feel when he gets to that point - there is a feeling of apprension already starting about that - but once again i have to remind myself to stay in the moment and trust that God's plan for my son is unfolding as it should. My son's comments and attitude sounds very much like your son's. I will pray fervently that they both mean every word and will follow those words up with action driven by determination to live a drug-free life from now on.
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