help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1
help!
I am new to this site and at the end of my rope. My girlfriend is a crack addict. She texted me this afternoon that she was leaving work at 12:30 and bring home lunch for us. i havent heard from her since!!
This is what she does about twice a month. she "disappears" and then calls crying that she screwed up.
We live together and work together and i dont know what to do anymore.
I have NO prior experience with addicts, but she turns in to such a hurtful liar when she uses...its like a stranger I dont even know.
I am sitting here worried sick that she may do too much this time and it will be the end for her. i dont know where she is or what to do.
I am losing my mind!!
How can i live like this??
When she is clean she is a wonderful person and i LOVE her dearly and want to spend my lif with her.
How can i survive this??? its killing ME!!!
This is what she does about twice a month. she "disappears" and then calls crying that she screwed up.
We live together and work together and i dont know what to do anymore.
I have NO prior experience with addicts, but she turns in to such a hurtful liar when she uses...its like a stranger I dont even know.
I am sitting here worried sick that she may do too much this time and it will be the end for her. i dont know where she is or what to do.
I am losing my mind!!
How can i live like this??
When she is clean she is a wonderful person and i LOVE her dearly and want to spend my lif with her.
How can i survive this??? its killing ME!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Hey there, and welcome to SR!
I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but glad that you found us. This is a great place to be, full of love and support. I hope you'll stick around and read more of the threads, especially the stickies at the top of the friends and family forum page. Lots of useful information there.
Unfortunately, addiction is what we call a family disease, meaning that the rest of the family suffers too. We get scared, upset, and worried. We don't like what we see, and in our minds, all the person has to do is stop using, and we can help them stop using. Before we know it, we are obsessed with protecting them from themselves. We want to be the hero in their lives.
With addicts, the problem with rescuing them is that they are so hooked to their drug of choice that any interest they have in doing the right thing is generally overpowered by the desire to get just one more fix. And one more. And one more... you get the idea. For most addicts, the only way the cycle will stop is when the pain of stopping the cycle becomes less than the pain of continuing.
The best thing you can do to help stop the cycle is to begin to make yourself your own first priority again. I know that sounds counterproductive, but if you waste your life away trying to save her, there will be nothing left when she does decide to get clean.
Like I said, though, please do take some time to explore here some more. And others will come along later with lots of great advice too.
I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but glad that you found us. This is a great place to be, full of love and support. I hope you'll stick around and read more of the threads, especially the stickies at the top of the friends and family forum page. Lots of useful information there.
Unfortunately, addiction is what we call a family disease, meaning that the rest of the family suffers too. We get scared, upset, and worried. We don't like what we see, and in our minds, all the person has to do is stop using, and we can help them stop using. Before we know it, we are obsessed with protecting them from themselves. We want to be the hero in their lives.
With addicts, the problem with rescuing them is that they are so hooked to their drug of choice that any interest they have in doing the right thing is generally overpowered by the desire to get just one more fix. And one more. And one more... you get the idea. For most addicts, the only way the cycle will stop is when the pain of stopping the cycle becomes less than the pain of continuing.
The best thing you can do to help stop the cycle is to begin to make yourself your own first priority again. I know that sounds counterproductive, but if you waste your life away trying to save her, there will be nothing left when she does decide to get clean.
Like I said, though, please do take some time to explore here some more. And others will come along later with lots of great advice too.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Hello, welcome to our world, one of heartbreak and sadness.
Unfortunately, she is in the throws of active addiction. There is nothing you can do to stop her, all you can do is work on you.
Read the stickys, attend meetings, keep posting, lots of caring knowledgable people here.
Unfortunately, she is in the throws of active addiction. There is nothing you can do to stop her, all you can do is work on you.
Read the stickys, attend meetings, keep posting, lots of caring knowledgable people here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi and welcome. I understand what you are going through. Pure freakin' hell. I used to be a crack addict. My son's father is STILL an active crack addict - after being in jail umpteen times, lost me, lost his son, lost his family, lost everything. Crack calls his name and he just can't say no. Won't say no. Whatever. It doesn't matter. There is nothing me or anyone on this planet can do to help him or anyone else who is addicted to crack - even if they are addicted "just a little bit". One hit is too many and 1000 hits are not enough.
You probably aren't going to like this but I'm going to tell it like it is. Being in a relationship with a crack addict is an absolute nightmare and a total joke because the only relationship a crack addict has is with crack. It's their one true love. It's sick but it's true. I know. I've been there. And crack addiction is progressive meaning it's going to get worse - a lot worse - before it get's better.
Crack takes away all your feelings except one - MORE CRACK. Once you start smoking crack you can't stop "until the wheels come off." The drug will take everything from you if you don't stop. And the real bummer is you know it's happening to you, but you don't care because all you want is MORE CRACK. And you'll use anyone who'll let you.
I'd tell you to run but I don't know if it'll do any good. So I hope you'll take a good look at yourself and what you value in a relationship. Look at what's important to you and ask yourself, how do you expect to be treated in a relationship. Are you getting it? Do you have any boundaries or deal breakers as far as how far you'll let someone go before you get them out of your life?
Do you really want to be in a relationship with a CRACKHEAD? We are pretty disgusting people when we are using. We'll do pretty much anything to get more crack...
You probably aren't going to like this but I'm going to tell it like it is. Being in a relationship with a crack addict is an absolute nightmare and a total joke because the only relationship a crack addict has is with crack. It's their one true love. It's sick but it's true. I know. I've been there. And crack addiction is progressive meaning it's going to get worse - a lot worse - before it get's better.
Crack takes away all your feelings except one - MORE CRACK. Once you start smoking crack you can't stop "until the wheels come off." The drug will take everything from you if you don't stop. And the real bummer is you know it's happening to you, but you don't care because all you want is MORE CRACK. And you'll use anyone who'll let you.
I'd tell you to run but I don't know if it'll do any good. So I hope you'll take a good look at yourself and what you value in a relationship. Look at what's important to you and ask yourself, how do you expect to be treated in a relationship. Are you getting it? Do you have any boundaries or deal breakers as far as how far you'll let someone go before you get them out of your life?
Do you really want to be in a relationship with a CRACKHEAD? We are pretty disgusting people when we are using. We'll do pretty much anything to get more crack...
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Sorry you are here, welcome to the world of addiction. Try not to worry too much, though I know it's easier said than done. The place you're at can cause panic attacks for many. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. This is no way to live for either of you. My only advice is to read as much as you can here. We've all been in your situation. It's not fun, it's not pretty..it's terrifying, but it will happen again and again and again. That I can guarantee.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Broken, Addiction is a very serious and painful situation for anyone to cope with. It's tough on the addict, and the people who love the addict.
Naranon is a support group for people like you, who love an addict, and aren't sure what to do, or how to deal with it. Maybe you can suggest a program of recovery to your girlfriend. And Naranon for yourself. You will learn some very positive ways on how to deal with the addict and the behavior that goes with the addiction.
In the meanwhile you came to the right place by posting a thread here. You will hear some great things from people who have been there and done that. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. It's always a tough ride with an addict.
Naranon is a support group for people like you, who love an addict, and aren't sure what to do, or how to deal with it. Maybe you can suggest a program of recovery to your girlfriend. And Naranon for yourself. You will learn some very positive ways on how to deal with the addict and the behavior that goes with the addiction.
In the meanwhile you came to the right place by posting a thread here. You will hear some great things from people who have been there and done that. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. It's always a tough ride with an addict.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
broken
We understand where you are. It is very painful to love an addict. We get caught up in their chaos.
My AS (addicted son) is seriously one of the nicest people I know. He is kind. He is gentle. He is loving. He is funny. But the disease causes him to lie, to cheat, to make promises he doesn't keep, to tell me what he thinks I want to hear, to turn mean, to say hurtful things........and the list goes on.
Only you can decide your limits in the relationship but stick around here at SR. Learn what you can. Understand your role in dealing with the disease of addiction. Read. And above all....love yourself first.
gentle hugs
We understand where you are. It is very painful to love an addict. We get caught up in their chaos.
My AS (addicted son) is seriously one of the nicest people I know. He is kind. He is gentle. He is loving. He is funny. But the disease causes him to lie, to cheat, to make promises he doesn't keep, to tell me what he thinks I want to hear, to turn mean, to say hurtful things........and the list goes on.
Only you can decide your limits in the relationship but stick around here at SR. Learn what you can. Understand your role in dealing with the disease of addiction. Read. And above all....love yourself first.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: west suburbs, IL
Posts: 3
thoughts for broken
Broken,
I feel your pain. I can tell you that I don't regret my life with my spouse but I wish I had made different choices.
When I first met him and his siblings, my brother-in-law told me to run. I didn't listen. His brother and sister are both alcoholics. I felt my husband had a handle on his alcohol... and he has but he has had one addiction after another. A few months ago, I found out that he has been abusing painkillers for the last 5 years.
It doesn't change. No matter how much you love her and she loves you...addiction is so powerful and if you, like me, have never been addicted to anything, we cannot remotely understand.
You will look forward to nights wondering why you are not enough, why a drug is more attractive than you. And you cannot change her.
I know those words hurt because you want to stand by her and believe....
but are you really willing to take the chance of always being second to addiction... it is a painful painful road.
just some things to think about...sorry this is happening to you
I feel your pain. I can tell you that I don't regret my life with my spouse but I wish I had made different choices.
When I first met him and his siblings, my brother-in-law told me to run. I didn't listen. His brother and sister are both alcoholics. I felt my husband had a handle on his alcohol... and he has but he has had one addiction after another. A few months ago, I found out that he has been abusing painkillers for the last 5 years.
It doesn't change. No matter how much you love her and she loves you...addiction is so powerful and if you, like me, have never been addicted to anything, we cannot remotely understand.
You will look forward to nights wondering why you are not enough, why a drug is more attractive than you. And you cannot change her.
I know those words hurt because you want to stand by her and believe....
but are you really willing to take the chance of always being second to addiction... it is a painful painful road.
just some things to think about...sorry this is happening to you
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
