DayDreamBelever

I took the advice of the members here and went to an Nar-Anon meeting last night. It helped and I plan to attend more meetings. However, I have yet to have one good nights sleep. I woke up at 5am and couldn't fall back asleep, too many knots in my stomach. So finally I decide to get up and take another bit of advice from here and do something for me. I think in the past week I've done nothing productive besides work and care for my kids. I haven't done chores, my house is a wreck. I've barely showered, I'm sad to admit. I've just been trying to make it through each day. And its been bugging me. So I decided to clean and be productive since I couldn't sleep. Well as I started cleaning and suddenly I realized, the kids XBox360 isn't in the living. I check the play room. Storage cabinets in the playroom. It's nowhere. I had started feeling better after I got busy in the house and now, that fast, I feel sick all over again. I just know he sold it for crack.
This is part of the problem. I just keep finding more stuff out. It just keeps coming. I need a break from the rollarcoaster of negative information related to his month long binge.. but instead it keeps rolling in... and I can't keep feeling this strung out everyday.

cece1960

One of the first things I had to really wrap my mind around was acceptance. It really is the first step to finding peace.

For me that didn't mean simply admitting my son was an addict, it meant accepting the fact that he does and will do what addicts do...lie, steal, manipulate etc. Once I understood that this is what being an addict means, his actions hurt a little less.

Don't let each realization send you into tailspin. Its what they do, and you now know.

Put it all on a back burner to think about another day...just for today

Kindeyes

Sometimes it's the collection of (pattern) things that an addict does that finally brings us to our knees and helps us realize that we need help. It's a tough path to walk. Eventually we collect enough pain to want it to stop. We (not just the addict) have to get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired before we can seek and find our own recovery.

That's so wonderful that you went to nar-anon! The A's in our life cause so much havoc and chaos.......it takes time.......not an instant.....and it takes a lot of hard work to get back to a nice centered place in our lives. You're taking those steps toward serenity......and that's HUGE!

gentle hugs

PS......when sleep DOES come, with it will come a fresh day and new perspective.

keepinon

one thing that I did for myself was go to my dr.about my sleep problem.i tried every natural remedy but after 8 mo. of no sleep I was going bonkers.(when we found out daughter was an addict) .i caved and got medication..what a relief! sometimes we legitamately need meds... alot of people are opposed..but when I did ask for help, I was able to cope in the day much better. Was on pills for about 4 or 5 months , then weaned off. Be gentle with yourself and ask for help if you need it.

fourmaggie

well, to say the least....at least your getting some TOOLS to help you now....KEEP GOING BACK, IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT

suki44883

^^^^ This ^^^^

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing your doctor and getting medication to help you sleep. We must remember that MOST people are not addicts and MOST people do not abuse their meds. It's entirely possible that you could use something to get you over the hump, and then after a while, you won't need it anymore.

BBD

Benedryl~~~~2 of those and I bet you sleep. Not so hard on the stomach...

Sasha4

Just doing that is hard enough..........you have done amazing!!!!

xx

Callie

Addiction is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving....Until YOU stop receiving.

BTW - I know what you're talking about with the cleaning and organizing to make YOU feel better.

coffeedrinker

daydream,

i completely understand the digging, the compulsion to "find out" and the obsessing about all that went on behind your back and right under your nose. you feel that if he would have just been honest, you two could have dealt with this. you feel that if he would come clean with you, you would know what you're dealing with. you feel that if he would lay it out there and apologize for each transgression, you could forgive him.

what these others have said is true: you will never get all the answers, and likely never get the reconciliation (whatever form that is) that you wish for. it's just frustrating as all heck, and futile really.

can i offer my perspective?

1. you have just had an incredible, horrible-painful discovery. this really wrecks havoc on a person

2. you can let yourself off the hook for not being super-mom, not showering every day, not having a spotless house right now. if it continues for very long, then consider looking at it as a problem

3. the sleep will come. the sooner you extricate yourself from this relationship (i don't just mean the boyfriend/girlfriend thing), the sooner it will happen.

4. please do not pressure yourself. you suffered a terrific blow and have some learning to do, some healing to do and as long as you are moving forward, those things will happen. unfortunately for those of us who do not like to be in pain, it doesn't happen soon enough for us.

5. rephrasing of above: be gentle with yourself.