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In Jail

Old 07-28-2010, 09:19 AM
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In Jail

Received a call yesterday turns out finally AS is in Jail ( 1st time).
He is going to court on charges on the 20th of August. He spent the nite in jail a month ago but got someone to sign his bail. Of course a no drinking rand drug order against him. Turns out he was at a bar Mon. nite drinking and got picked up. His lawyer called me last nite to bail him out today, I cant beleve our system he has already breached one bail, and they will give him another chance. AS called me this morning begging me to get him out I said no. He was beyond upset going to loose his apartment, his job wich he never goes too. I told him he made the choice to drink, therefore he made the choice to go to jail. Looks like he will sit there until his next trial date and then be sentenced to more time. I'm okay with this, he is safe and clean. I should have stopped picking up his pieces years ago. Always chaos, he has never had to face consequences for his actions. His dad and I were there to pick-up the pieces. His addiction got worse, and so did his stealing.
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:33 AM
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You did exactly the right thing. The more he loses as a consequence of his bad decisions, the more impact it will have on him and thus, the better the chance that he will make the hard decisions to do the right thing. Hang in there and stay strong. You're doing great!
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:34 AM
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Good for you Katie. Those boundaries are soooo hard sometimes. But really that is the best thing for them. Maybe this will be the time when he decides to turn his life around. We just never know. Sending you hugs.

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Old 07-28-2010, 09:36 AM
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You're allowing your AS to pay the piper. Good for you!

We mothers of addicts have to stick together. :ghug3
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:51 AM
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I'm actually quite relieved he has been picked up. Several times he has made reference
about his court appearance in August " there was no way he was going to jail" he would run or hang himself. He is 23 yrs old, but looks like he is 19. Absolutely terrified of going to jail. They have amalgamated all the smaller jails in our area. So where he is at is a jail that houses approx 3000 inmates. Good for him truly, actually I am so agitated over his ridiculous phone call begging and false promises, and more lies. Sounded like he was going to cry although he held it together, sounded very scared.
Next time He decides to write a bad cheque to some innocent person, or con someone out of money he may think twice. He truly has thought he was untouchable.
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Old 07-28-2010, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by katie44 View Post
I'm actually quite relieved he has been picked up. Next time He decides to write a bad cheque to some innocent person, or con someone out of money he may think twice. He truly has thought he was untouchable.
Mine hasn't spent time in jail, but I know its only a matter of time. I feel the same as you. I would be sad and relieved at the same time
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Old 07-28-2010, 11:03 AM
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I'm so sorry your facing this Katie but honestly~its probably the best thing for him now. He's safe, fed and you know where he is. That certainly can give you peace of mind. Now make yourself happy and relax....Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 07-28-2010, 11:18 AM
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You have your head on straight.
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Old 07-28-2010, 11:38 AM
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Great job staying strong. If you help him, you become an enabler. This will give him time to think about his struggle. I have two friends that have gone to jail, and both became clean, and one of them was a meth addict. It will take more than jail time to clean him up but it's a start. Just remember during all this to tell him that you love him.
Good luck to you.
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Old 07-28-2010, 11:57 AM
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katie44
I've been where you are right now so I understand your relief. We pray that they won't go to jail but at the same time realize that it might be just the thing they need. It's a mix of emotions and thoughts.

My AS recently told me that an old friend of his went to jail for two years.......and came out straight edge and sober and he's now doing great. My AS son called him earlier this week to see if he would meet with him. His friend just said "Are you ready to commit?"

I don't know if my son is ready to commit or not......but I love that his old friend asked him that question. And I suspect (since he's been where my AS is now) that he'll see through the deception if he says "yes" and doesn't mean it.

My thoughts and prayers AND SUPPORT are with you!

gentle hugs
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:10 PM
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Thankyou for your replies, it is a mix of emotions. I have heard a few stories where addicts go in to jail and some have turned there lives around. All I know is that he belongs there he has comitted crimes ( fraud ) over and over to support his drug habbit.
Today when he called he said he would never touch drugs again or alcohol. Ive heard it a million times. If he were truly committed he would have sought help while he was on bail.
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:22 PM
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Yeah, it's easy to be remorseful when you're sitting in jail. It's when they get back into their lives outside that the rubber meets the road. But, you are right, he is where he needs to be. He'll get three hots and a cot and no access to drugs. Hang in there.
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:43 PM
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Katie, You're doing great! Bigs hugs & support from this mom.
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:32 AM
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Katie,

I just wanted to add my Mom hug to all the others.

You sound like you're doing really well, you know that it is not in your sons best interest to interfer with his consequences, you know that it is not your problem to resolve, you sound like you love & care about your son, but are letting him deal with the problems he has gotten himself into on his own. Good job.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:26 AM
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Received a call last nite from some lawyer. He wanted me to attend a bail hearing this morning. He said the judge would not release him to any one but his dad and I and he could live with us until his next trial date. Again I said "no", he then proceeded to tell me that jail was not in his best interest. He would be better suited for a long term rehab program. Unfortuantely in Ontario there are no court order lock down rehab facilities. Only if you are a young offender. The lawyer was very rude, implying I was not the best mother. I really cant deal with this right now, I dont know why the call upset me. He is in a good place right now clean and sober.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:31 AM
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Awe (((Katie)))
The lawyer has one goal and thats to get that file off of his desk. If that means he dumps AS on you guys, he will try and convince you that is what is best.

You've tried the home and it was not what was in AS's best interest.

You've been around the block enough times to know what you can and can't do. Don't let the lawyer tell you otherwise, he has ulterior motives.

Hang in there

(
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:33 AM
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Again, you did the right thing. He is 23 years old and it's time he dealt with his own issues. It's good that you realize it is time to stop rescuing him. Don't let his rude attorney get to you. He needs to do his job and if he and your son want rehab, let them ask the judge for it. It's not your responsibility. Hang in there and stay strong. You're doing great!
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:54 AM
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Never thought the lawyer had alternative motives. It figures! I wash my hand of this chaos.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:00 AM
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katie, again you're doing great. Lawyers always have their own agenda. How dare he infer that you're not a good mom. Obviously, the lawyer has never been a parent of an addict.

You are a wonderful Mom.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 07-29-2010, 02:12 PM
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Katie, I think you did the right thing. If that lawyer could have said your son was being transported to a court sentenced rehab..then..and only then I would have said "Thanks".. But your right on about not wanting him home. Its a tough job being a mom and I send hugs and a ton of positive thinking your way...Smiles, Bonnie
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