letter to my SO

Old 07-28-2010, 06:14 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I know that no good can come of beating myself up or continuing to want answers to so many things... but my mind keeps grazing on all the lies... its still so fresh... the wound is still open... and if there is anything I hate, it's not understanding the hows and whys of something, especially related to my broken heart.

I found an Nar-Anon chapter 20minutes from me and they meet tomorrow night, so I've made child care arrangements for my children so I can attend.

BTW, since I haven't said so already, Thank You SOO much to everyone for All your thoughts and feelings. I'm no stranger to chat forums and the ladies on my parenting forum have seen me through a Lot of different things in my life in the last 6years, but this time I really felt the need to be in the presence of those who have gone before me.
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Old 07-28-2010, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by DayDreamBelever View Post
I know that no good can come of beating myself up or continuing to want answers to so many things... but my mind keeps grazing on all the lies... its still so fresh... the wound is still open... and if there is anything I hate, it's not understanding the hows and whys of something, especially related to my broken heart.

I found an Nar-Anon chapter 20minutes from me and they meet tomorrow night, so I've made child care arrangements for my children so I can attend.

BTW, since I haven't said so already, Thank You SOO much to everyone for All your thoughts and feelings. I'm no stranger to chat forums and the ladies on my parenting forum have seen me through a Lot of different things in my life in the last 6years, but this time I really felt the need to be in the presence of those who have gone before me.


I'm sorry your heart is so broken
Find comfort knowing you will heal
And good for you for making arrangements to go to Naranon.
You need to take care of yourself and your kids.
I wish you a healing



:ghug3
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Old 07-28-2010, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by DayDreamBelever View Post
I know that no good can come of beating myself up or continuing to want answers to so many things... but my mind keeps grazing on all the lies... its still so fresh... the wound is still open... and if there is anything I hate, it's not understanding the hows and whys of something, especially related to my broken heart.

I found an Nar-Anon chapter 20minutes from me and they meet tomorrow night, so I've made child care arrangements for my children so I can attend.
Trust me, believe me when I say that if you dig into your own recovery, those wounds will heal. I know it doesn't feel like it right now.

I'm proud of you for finding a Naranon meeting to attend. Trust in God, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and this too will eventually pass. You are on the right path, I promise.
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Old 07-30-2010, 08:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I could have wrote your letter almost word for word once upon a time...I understand the pain is so great, but no pain or sorrow is too great to overcome if you are in your own recovery. Everyone is right, you will never understand this, because to non-addicts there is nothing logical about it. IMO, the unfaithfulness with my XAH came about because he wanted to use and he knew I would not be "down" with it so he would seek out others who would do the dope with him and accept that he was using, ultimately he met women who were addicts too. He knew he couldnt come to me high and want to have sex because I'd know right off the bat, therefore he looked for women who would be willing to have sex with him while he was high. He has admitted a million awful things he has done but he still wont admit that he had sex with anyone else, but it doesn't matter because in my heart he did. I tell you, you think you want to know everything but you will regain true peace when you stop looking for things to "prove" what you already know deep down in your heart. I know how you feel, I have been there more than once and dealt with the chat lines and all the other things you listed. I hope you continue your recovery with Nar-Anon or Al-Anon, those meetings brought me back from the brink of going crazy.
Peace to you.
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