Nerdgirl

My oldest is in first grade. The hero worship is what freaks me out so badly.

dollydo

Nerdgirl, you brought up an issue that so few really address. The fact that addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide, addiction affects all that come into contact with it.

Addiction can destroy an entire family, it breaks apart the sound core that a family must be structured on. And, many times after addiction strikes there is no way to repair the core. The family fragments and falls apart.

All because of a selfish addict and a parade of enablers...who just want to help! Enablers who do not understand that their "help" is only making everything worse for both the addict and the core of the family.

It is so sad, I do understand your feelings and concerns

All I can do is send you ((Hugs)), you are a good mom!

coffeedrinker

nerdgirl,

i will always applaud conscientious parents. but i am wondering....are you focusing perhaps too much on these in-laws? i think they should be a small sliver of your lives. you have set boundaries that appear to be intact. yet you are still looking for more stuff surrounding them?

i hope my tone doesn't sound accusatory. only you know your heart, and how much space these guys are taking up in it. i fear that you may be seeking out problems that are not there.

Nerdgirl

Could I be focusing on them too much? Absolutely, I could be.... I work full time outside the home and have small kids, so my days are very full and I really could do without this. That's why I asked if I was being paranoid in my original post. I've decided to let these thoughts of moving go.

If it helps you to get into my head a little - when I feel like torturing myself I ask myself which one of these addicts will get my kids high first, or which one will pimp my girl out for drug money first, or which one will break into my house first.... I can be very creative when it comes to envisioning ugly scenarios. I can whip myself right into an big old ball of anxiety over stuff I can't control that may or may not even happen! Yeah that's me rocking in the corner looking for my happy place....

See, that's why introducing some distance would be tempting for me. Not to mention the fact that I see one part of my husband's family (minus the addicts) or another pretty much every other day. Take a wild guess what every conversation is about. I can't stand it but I say nothing. Maybe that's a bigger part of my problem.

Bernadette

Well if moving is an option and you're not "overprotective" then why not consider moving?

Many a child's life in this world was made better and safer by moving to a better and safer neighborhood. I have lived in urban areas all my life and there is no question that the neighborhood people grow up in has a huge impact on their life and their choices.

I have mostly kept my boys away from their alcoholic/pothead uncles. I am not an overprotective parent by any stretch and my kids are adventurous and love traveling both in cities and in wild nature, by themselves or with a group.

As much as I wanted the boys to have a special relationship w/ their uncles the REALITY was their lifestyle and behavior is not something I want my kids to imitate or think is cool or be tempted or manipulated by.

My bros also provided the opportunity for many many frank discussions about alcoholism, drug abuse, and our family history. Discussions that were never held in my alcoholic family as a kid, and that is probably the best I can do as far as "education" in influencing them not to abuse alcohol or drugs (as well as warmth, love, consistency at home etc!!). But definitely environment is a big factor for me!!

I remember reading a heartbreaking article once about a native tribe in Canada where about 70% of the kids - starting as young as 10, are addicted to huffing gasoline out of trash bags. The scene this writer described in the snowy landscape was devastating. I sure as hell would move my kids out of there as would any of those mothers if they had the resources!

Follow YOUR heart.
peace-
B

Nerdgirl

I just found out yesterday that my job is in jeopardy due to budgetary constraints. So I guess moving away is back on the table, but not quite for the reasons I was anticipating. I'm not going to get worked up just yet, but I'm not going be passive and wait for the Mack truck to hit me either....

Freedom1990

I've had things happen in my life that were totally unexpected, and yet tied into something I had been praying about and/or trying to make a decision over.

I tend to look at those things as my higher power at work.

I think it's good you're not going to be passive, or get worked up either. Your recovery is showing!