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The Case of the Missing Jewelry

Old 07-27-2010, 07:52 AM
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The Case of the Missing Jewelry

Yep, pretty sure my ex stole a bunch of my good jewelry. I haven't talked to him since the end of March but just realized this past week the stuff is gone. I stored it in a jewelry box on top of a bookshelf in my bedroom and I don't really take that stuff out very often, it's not anything I really wear, just family pieces that were handed down to me that have sentimental value but aren't really my style to wear.

Anyway, definitely haven't seen the stuff since I ended things with him, and I know this is what addicts do but I'm really having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just feel so sad and angry and betrayed. I never even really left him alone in my place, he must have done it quickly when I was in the bathroom at some point. He must have been plotting and planning it ahead of time to do it when he only had a short opportunity, that is what really hurts.

I know I was naive for thinking he wouldn't do something like that to me, even though I knew he had stolen from his brother at some point a few years back. He had told me about that and told me all about how that was a bottom point for him and how hard it was to repair that relationship and make things right again. I guess I thought he had learned his lesson and wouldn't do it again, though I think on some level I knew that might not be the case. As I said, I made sure to never leave him alone in my place so clearly there were trust issues of some sort.

So now I don't know what to do, I feel like my head is sort of clouded by anger and I don't want to do the wrong thing. But I really, really want to confront him about this. What I would like most is confirmation that he did indeed do this, I want him to have to own up to it, to say the words 'yes, I did it'. And I'd like some sort of compensation for what was stolen from me, though I can't even begin to put a price tag on this.

But I know my judgement is probably not that good right now, in the midst of this, so I'm hoping you guys can give me some perspective. I have been doing pretty well since going no contact with him, really working on myself and trying to move forward. I haven't been obsessing or worrying about him and I've been determined to leave our relationship in the past. Finding out he stole from me has been a blow, but at least it makes me even more determined to not ever go back to him. That's a line that can't be uncrossed, you know?
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:47 AM
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Yep, pretty sure my ex stole a bunch of my good jewelry. I haven't talked to him since the end of March but just realized this past week the stuff is gone. I stored it in a jewelry box on top of a bookshelf in my bedroom and I don't really take that stuff out very often, it's not anything I really wear, just family pieces that were handed down to me that have sentimental value but aren't really my style to wear.

My exabf did the same thing to me. Stole $3400 worth of jewelry from me and then had the audacity to replace it with fake looking jewelry. He then forged 2 checks of mine (each worth $75) and then had the audacity to write on the memo line Happy Birthday as if I was giving him a gift.

Anyway, definitely haven't seen the stuff since I ended things with him, and I know this is what addicts do but I'm really having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just feel so sad and angry and betrayed. I never even really left him alone in my place, he must have done it quickly when I was in the bathroom at some point. He must have been plotting and planning it ahead of time to do it when he only had a short opportunity, that is what really hurts.

My ex also did it while he was there with me. I guess he took it while I was asleep. I caught him the next day and confronted him because the night he stole he left my place in a hurry, packed up all of his weekend belongings and was ghost. He was the only one with access to my place and when I confronted him he adamantly denied it. What a loser! Yet, I stayed. Never again.

I know I was naive for thinking he wouldn't do something like that to me, even though I knew he had stolen from his brother at some point a few years back. He had told me about that and told me all about how that was a bottom point for him and how hard it was to repair that relationship and make things right again. I guess I thought he had learned his lesson and wouldn't do it again, though I think on some level I knew that might not be the case. As I said, I made sure to never leave him alone in my place so clearly there were trust issues of some sort.

When my ex and I first met, he told me about his past. Had 5 years clean when we met. But he told me he stole from ex-girlfriends before to support his habit. I though the same thing that it couldn't happen to me. Well, past behavior is usually 100% on target in regards to current behavior. If an addict steals to support his/her habit in the past, more than likely he/she will steal in the event of a relapse. I learned that the hard way. It happened to me twice even though he expressed so much regret and pain for stealing from me the first time.

So now I don't know what to do, I feel like my head is sort of clouded by anger and I don't want to do the wrong thing.

File a police report and press charges. I went as far as to file a police report but didn't go through with pressing charges. Looking back on it, I should have. I hesitated to protect him because I didn't want him to get anymore consequences for his behavior/addiction. By me not pressing charges the first time, I showed him it was okay for the second time as I wouldn't carry through on my word. The second time, I did the same thing. Didn't press charges. Oh well, it's under the rug now and I know now. My thinking was I didn't want to have to deal with going to court.

But I know my judgement is probably not that good right now, in the midst of this, so I'm hoping you guys can give me some perspective. I have been doing pretty well since going no contact with him, really working on myself and trying to move forward.

This is awesome! Continue to do this. There is no future with someone after they have stolen from you and put you in a position of whether you should press charges on them or not. I mean, what kind of relationship is that??

The only suggestion I have is to make a decision about pressing charges or not. If not, take the hit from the loss and keep it moving. If you decide to press charges, then know that contact is possible and court will happen. Are you emotionally ready/capable to do that. You have already severed your ties and if you have no plans to get back with him. I say let it go.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:53 AM
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I'm sorry that happened to you. It makes you feel violated, unloved, and a myriad of other things.

I stopped doing inventory of my items of pawn value a long time ago. They lie, even when you catch them red-handed. It just upsets you even more. I began calling the police and that did me no good; in Florida if they live with you, then the police and the prosecutor won't pursue it because it's he said-she said.

If it's your gut feeling they took it, then they probably did. From my personal experience; Don't expect the truth and don't expect compensation. Even if the item is pawned, you probably won't find out where so you can get it back unless you get the police involved.

You can confront if you want; just prepare yourself to not get the answer you want.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:28 AM
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I hadn't even really thought about pressing charges. I can't actually prove anything, how does that work when you press charges? And there are other people who have access to my house, such as my dog walker and my cleaning person, but I've known them both for years and they have both proven themselves to be trustworthy people, unlike my ex. Also don't have any pics of the missing jewelry or any idea of how much it's worth.

And it's been 4 months, so I'm assuming my stuff is long gone. I do have a fantasy floating around in my head that he took the stuff but felt too guilty to actually go sell it so maybe he's still holding onto it. But I know that's just a fantasy, and the reality is that I'm not ever going to see my stuff again.

I do feel so violated, can't even fully express how. The stuff he took was handed down to me from my family, that I'm now estranged from. My ex knows the whole story about my family and has been a support to me in the past when it comes to that stuff, so something about that makes it an even bigger slap in the face.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:33 AM
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because it has sentimental value, you could check the pawn shops
but often they will trade it directly to the dope guy sorry your going thru this
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:48 AM
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I hate this. Yes, my ex druggie also stole jewelry from me. I too live in Florida and the sheriff gave me the same line.

I do know that he has 1 piece in a safety deposit box that he has lost the keys to, would cost over $250.00 to have it drilled and I would have to contact him. Forget it, h*ll would freeze over B/4 I would contact him.

They are sneaky, your asleep and they are rifling through your drawers, jewelry, purse and everywhere else.

When I caught on, I got a safety deposit box, there my jewelry sat UNTIL I threw him out, now I enjoy my jewelry (what's left of it).

You can try and file a police report, doubt that it woud do much good.
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Old 07-27-2010, 04:28 PM
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Add me to the list, my son stole some pieces that had been in my family for generations.

That's a resentment I have to work on often, even with all my recovery I still get steamed just thinking of it.

One of the first pieces of advice I give to newcomers who live with an addict...lock up your valuables, hide your bank information and sleep with your purse. What a lousy way to live.

Hugs to you, Beantowngirl, I know how it hurts even after they are gone.
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Old 07-27-2010, 05:45 PM
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I am another who was robbed by my daughter.

In your situation, he is the ex and you have no proof that he took stuff and making contact violates your own boundaries. In other words, no good can come of it.

If you have insurance, call the Police and have them write a report and then make claim on your policy.

Your dignity is still intact and that's more valuable than jewelry.
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Old 07-27-2010, 06:20 PM
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Add Me too!

Sorry Beantown Girl.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:03 PM
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[COLOR="Purple"]I had to file a police report in order to claim the loss on my insurance policy. At least I got compensated in that way. Never saw the pieces again and he took one item to the pawn shop and the other he sold for $200 bucks (a $1400 item). But, I got close to what was worth.

You don't need any proof to file a police report or press charges. There will need to proof when it goes to court though.
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