brotherskeeper

An addict in my life has caused me great anxiety over my ADD medication. I need advice from anyone willing to read my story. It’s long, and I apologize for that.

I had been on Adderall for twelve years, 20mg two times per day, for ADD (no hyperactivity). A psychiatrist diagnosed me around the age of 15. Once I began treatment with the medicine, my life changed. My grades in high school went from failing to excelling. I developed interests and hobbies, and even went on to college, where I graduated with a very high GPA. I continued the medication through my early twenties, when I began halving my dosage during certain months, as I held an unpaid internship position and there were times when I simply couldn’t afford the co-pay to fill a script. When I finally secured a paid position at the company where I had interned, I had money again and was filling my scripts regularly.

My trouble began in my mid-twenties, when I had taken in my younger brother, who was at the peak of his battle with opiate addiction (he is now in recovery, thankfully). My parents had kicked him out of their home. During his stay with me, he would steal anything he could. One of his favorite things to do was skim my medication to sell it for money to buy heroin (No matter where I‘d hide it, he‘d find it. I began carrying it with me, but he‘d steal it when I was asleep). I should have turned him into the police, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Once or twice, when I was particularly low on medication, I contacted my doctor, and told him I had lost the meds. He skeptically wrote me scripts for the missing remainder.

Sensing my doctor’s apprehensiveness about doing so, the next time my brother deprived me of a few pills, I started going without the medication a day or two at a time (which was not easy after twelve years of daily treatment) in an effort to “get by” until it came time to fill the next month’s script. My job performance suffered from this. Still, I stupidly enabled my brother’s disease progression by letting him stay with me, though my voice was often hoarse from the heated arguments after every theft and lie.

Then, one month… I was wiped clean. My brother had stolen my checkbook and a whole bottle (an entire months worth of pills from my padlocked safe, which he broke with a hammer). Exhausted and angry, I made a very irrational and stupid decision. The stress of living with an addict clouded my judgment. My brother had taken my money, my medication, and had roused suspicions with my doctor that I was abusing, and, well, I just wanted to take back control. I found one of the old scripts that I hadn’t filled during years as an unpaid intern and changed the date. At the time I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Boy was I wrong.

The pharmacist caught it. It was pretty obvious. I’m no expert in forgery. She called my doctor, who had me in for an immediate appointment, where he called me a felon (I was shocked at this), suggested I get help for substance abuse, stopped my medication, and cut ties with me, despite my exhaustive explanation. I left his office exasperated. I also cut ties with my brother and moved in with my fiancée. I don’t believe my old doctor turned me in to the police, as I didn‘t get a “knock on the door.”

The psychological adjustment to life without the medication was very difficult for the first six months after cessation. I had been on the meds for twelve years. Naturally, my ADD symptoms returned, and over the course of the following two and a half years, they began ruining my life. I lost my job as a programmer, which requires an ability to concentrate for long periods of time. Without the meds, I just can’t do that. My fiancee started questioning her feelings for me. When we met, I was receiving treatment for ADD, and I had drive and ambition. I paid my bills on time and attention to her during conversation. I had interests in pursuits beyond watching television. Without treatment, I was truly a different person, with a very low ability to function.

Debt began piling up, as did my anxiety over losing my fiancee. The logical solution for me was that I needed treatment for ADD again. I made an appointment with a different doctor, who tested me and re-diagnosed me with ADD. He put me on Adderall because he thought it would be a good fit for me (I did not ask for it, specifically. I just wanted help). My life is beginning to turn around now that I’m receiving care once more! My relationship has blossomed again, and I have a new job and a new home!

What plagues me is this… I elected not to tell my new doctor about my past. I know this is dishonest, but I did it purely out of fear that he’d label me a felon and substance abuser, like my previous doctor, and dismiss everything I have to say, just as I did with my brother when he was abusing heroin. I’ve learned that you can’t believe anything an addict says and always to assume he/she is out to manipulate you. I’m sure once my previous doctor categorized me as a substance abuser, everything that came out of my mouth fell upon deaf ears.

So, I’ve been paying for doctor visits and meds without using my insurance, as I don’t know whether my previous doctor called the health insurance company to flag me for what I had done years ago in response to my brother‘s disease. For the same reason, I use a new pharmacy which doesn‘t have my insurance info on file, and each time I go, the pharmacists and techs seem suspicious and really nervous. They are on the phone and pointing at computer screens before reluctantly handing me my medication. The scripts are valid. I’m not forging them. They can call my doctor to confirm. Why are they so nervous? I have a legitimate need for the medication.

Nonetheless, I feel terrible about the deceit. I feel like I’m “scheming,” just like my brother used to. And for what? To get the medication I had taken all my life, the stuff that helped me function at a level high enough to get through school, hold a job, a relationship, and buy a home.

I’d love to be able to use my insurance company again, so I’m not treated like a junkie when I walk into the pharmacy. However, if there is a record somewhere that I “forged a prescription” or a record labeling me as a “suspected substance abuser,” I fear they’ll inform my doctor, and I’ll lose everything again.

I also know I deserve criticism for the way I’ve withheld information from my new doctor. I provide it daily for myself, but based on the way I was tossed aside and labeled a felon and suspected substance abuser by my former doctor years ago (that really stung), I felt I had no other choice for a second chance.

Does anyone think I’m driving myself crazy over a “boogeyman” so to speak? Could there be a record somewhere with my old insurance company? Can I just go back to using my insurance to pay for everything? What the heck are the pharmacists pointing at on the computer screen and why the heck are they so visibly nervous? Does anyone think I could be under investigation? I’m not attempting anything illegal! I'm not a criminal... but I was an enabler at one time.

I want my life to go back to the way it was before my brother moved in with me. I want the medication I need without the guilt suspicion and deceit accompanying it!! I have lots of anxiety over this and continually ask myself, “How did I get here?“ My brother is in recovery, but I am left with the scar of an irrational decision I made while living in the crazy world of an addict out of control. I can't help it, but I still resent him for it.

Anyone who read this far, you have my gratitude.

SlvrMag

Sounds like a difficult situation for sure.

Don't you have a right to know what is in your files? I would think so but I am not sure.
If so, maybe start there.

Hope this all gets figured out for you!

suki44883

I'm certainly no expert, but it seems to me that if the pharmacists saw something that was a red flag, they wouldn't fill your prescription. Since they did, you're probably just imagining the worst. I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I think the next time I needed a refill, I'd use my insurance and just see what happens. It would be better to know than to spend your life being afraid and worried all the time.

brotherskeeper

SlvrMag, Thanks so much for reading. Is it possible to get a report from a health insurer? I'm not sure. I suppose I can call and ask. I just want things to go back to normal.

Suki, thanks, as well. The past two months, the pharmacists have definitely been on edge. I may just take your suggestion and go with the insurance. I'm just afraid of losing the very thing that has put my life back on track.

ladyamalthea

I agree with Suki. I would just try using the insurance and see what happens. Like you said, your rx is valid, so there's really nothing they can do about it anyways.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. My sister is my addict, so I understand how painful it is to watch how addiction affects the entire family. Feel free to PM me sometime.

suki44883

Well, you could always ask the pharmacist if there is a problem.

brotherskeeper

Thanks, Ladymathea. I'm leaning toward trying that. My problem is that if there is a flag in there somewhere, they'll call the new dr., and, well, I want him to make treatment decisions for me based on my ADD and not based on the irrational decision I made years ago while living with my brother. It's very frustrating.

I could ask the pharmacist, too, Suki. No harm in trying that.

brotherskeeper

Cynical, think that'l help? It is expensive, but it's an investment in my quality of life that I'm willing to make.

And, yes, LadyA, it really does affect the entire family... for years and years.

suki44883

If it was years ago and you haven't had any problem since, I don't imagine it will be a big deal. If this is a medication you are going to be on from here on out, it would really be so much easier and less stressful if you could just do it the normal way.

brotherskeeper

Geese, thanks for taking the time to talk everyone. The "normal way" is exactly what I want. I'm sure everyone on this forum can agree with that, in some form or another. Ha!

brotherskeeper

Cyn, Proving that is easy. To me, it's just something I take, like a vitamin every morning. I suppose if I establish a record of consistency with the pharmacy, maybe they'll be less anxious. There's nothing illegal about choosing not to use your health insurance for a while, I suppose.

brotherskeeper

Cyn, in answer to your edit, yes.

suki44883

There's nothing illegal about using your insurance either, so long as your prescription is legit, which it is.

brotherskeeper

That's true as well, Suki, and I'm leaning toward going that route. Again, it scares me to "roll the dice." After three years, my life is finally coming together because I'm being treated again, and if the insurance does have a flag, they will call my new doc., and I suppose I'd have to come clean with him about what happened and why. It's just that, my faith in a doc's ability to understand has been shaken by my last experience. Would be much easier for the new one to just wash his hands of me, I'm sure, especially after learning that I've withheld information from him. Then what'll I do? Keep looking for docs I suppose.

Though on the flip side, I'm also sick of being dishonest. I'm sure many of us have lied in some form or another because of a relationship with an addict, maybe to "protect" that person, or maybe to some other end. One of the scariest things about having a family member with an addiction problem is how easily they can cause you to act in ways that you wouldn't normally act. I was never a dishonest person, but here I am three years after making a clouded decision, trying to piece my life back together by being dishonest with a doc because I can see no other solution. It's very frustrating.

suki44883

Well, I've always lived by the code that honesty is the best policy. You could always just go to your doctor and let him know about all of this. Kind of head it all off at the pass just in case he gets a call. Sometimes being proactive is the best thing. Something to think about.

catlovermi

How about consulting a lawyer, so you KNOW where you might stand.

You had a medical diagnosis BEFORE the event.

You had a track record of no problems taking your meds as prescribed for years BEFORE the event.

You might have some sort of corroborating evidence that your brother is an addict, and co-habited with you during the time of the event.

You are and always will be on the hook for your part, which was forgery.

You also have technology available that can demonstrate you are using your meds as prescribed (drug screen test). This technology can prove that you are not abusing your medications.

Given the above, a lawyer can tell you where you stand, and how to navigate the system. They would also be bound to client confidentiality, so you could learn these things without fear of the insurance company being flagged due to your inquiry.

Might be well worth the consultation fee.

CLMI

URMYEVERYTHING

This is just a thought. I work in the profession and have some in and outs. I would definately go for what all the posters are suggesting above.

One question, which ADD medication are you on? I'm only asking because there is an ADD medication that can be called into the pharmacy rather than taking the sript which cuts out the middle man (you) and your doctor can call it straight into the pharmacy. A lot of the ADD meds cannot as they are a stimulant/controlled substance. That never made any sense to me but anywho.... check to see if this "red flag" could be avoided by your doc calling in a med that you can use.

I would have a frank conversation with your doc as well to discuss your options. Yes, you can request your health file and question your treatment. Yes, you can question the pharmacy about the red flag on your account and why it's still there, etc.

Hope everything works out for you.

brotherskeeper

Cat, the lawyer idea isn't bad. It would be worth the consult fee. It's just very frustrating that I even have to think about going to a lawyer. Does "driven to irrationality from co-dependency with an addict" hold up in court? Ha. I'm sure some in this forum can understand that sentiment. However, you're right. I am "on the hook." I tried living for three years without treatment because of it, and it didn't work. I'm doing nothing illegal now. But I hate the feeling I get from the pharmacy techs when I pick up the medication now. So yes, talking to someone who knows the system and can assure me that I'm not under investigation and that I can continue with life would be VERY anxiety-relieving.

UR, the meds are stimulants, which is why my brother was stealing them to sell them years ago. It's funny.... When you take a medication daily for twelve years, you kind of forget that it may be a controlled substance. In any case, I don't care what I take for my ADD, stimulant or not, as long as it works. That's my main concern. I derive no pleasure from the meds themselves. In fact, there are side effects, but the fact that the medication helps me live with some quality of life, with a job, home, a wife-to-be, etc. makes dealing with the side effects worth it. The medication I'm receiving now is working, and my life is so much better for it. But, yes, I'd be willing to try something else... if it works.

Again, thank you both... actually everyone here for talking.

bluebelle

If it was me, I'd say the best thing would be to find a doctor who will make you comfortable enough to be honest. I think it's always best to be honest. Are you getting this through a psychiatrist? I agree with Cynical One, that if you keep going to the pharmacy and getting the same prescription from them, you are going to have a record of your honesty re the prescription. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about the pharmacist/techs giving you a hard time?

Chino

Incredible timing because I found and bookmarked this website about 5 days ago.

Medical Records Privacy

Your insurance company isn't going to report anything to your doctor, because it's considered a financial institution. Your doctor reports to them as a courtesy to you and so he can get paid.

There's info in the link I posted about how to obtain your medical records.