ladyamalthea

Okay. Taking the next step

Mom texted me this morning to ask if I wanted anything out of their basement (they are moving into another rental house right now, and they are trying to decide what to get rid of/sell and what to keep). So I'm going up there tomorrow to walk through the basement and make sure they aren't throwing out anything I wanted to keep.

I started to make these plans for Saturday, when dh could go with me... but I think he's not quite ready to be around my dad again yet, since dad said so many horrible things about him. I thought maybe it would be best for me to edge my way back to them, and then let dh do whatever works for him.

I'm also glad that I have an objective reason to go up there, so that if things get hairy, I can get my job done and leave. Or if they are going smoothly, I can stay longer.

Just be praying for me please... I have no expectations, only hopes that we can get along for a few hours.

ladyamalthea

Eghad.... I should be leaving in five minutes, and I'm getting cold feet!!! So many what-ifs are going through my mind right now...

I know I need to do this. If nothing else, I need to find out whether or not we're ready to grow back together. But being around my dad is not going to be easy...

And I realize I could have it so much worse right now. Reading other people's threads is a constant reminder that I have a lot to be thankful for. So please don't read this and think I don't know that it could be a lot worse. But that doesn't make me any less nervous.

See you guys later this afternoon or tonight...

suki44883

We're with you in spirit! You can do this. It'll be okay.

vaya

It seems like your mom just wants to give you the chance to go through the things in the basement before she tosses them. Do you think you are reading more into this than necessary? You guys may or may not get along when you go there. It sounds like you already know that. So why not just go and do the thing you're going there to do and not worry about the rest? Certainly if your anxiety about the situation is up it probably won't go the way you hope. I don't know what the whole history is but my mother's relationship with me has been really messed up. We are just starting to relate and get along now. There are still many things about her that bother me, but I'm learning to accept that she is who she is and I give her credit for trying to work things out.

ladyamalthea

Update:

Got up to mom and dad's in time for lunch yesterday, and we all sat around and hung out for a while before I went to the old house with mom to look at everything. That went well.

Over the course of the rest of the day, however, it became apparent that mom and dad are working no recovery whatsoever, and neither is sis. She's staying on her methadone and doing well with it, but she's not going to meetings or anything. That's fine. Her recovery is none of my business.

And mom and dad's recoveries are none of my business either.

I will admit there were a couple of hairy spots when mom would say something to me that I wanted to respond to, but I knew it would do no good, as she made it clear that she still thinks that keeping sis under her thumb is the best way to go. But I managed to hold my tongue and remind myself that there's nothing I can do.

All in all, I think this was good for me, because I proved to myself that I do have the tools I need to be at peace with them, even if I don't agree with what they are doing.

Chino

Detachment is a beautiful place to be