steve1840

i am not one to believe much in miracles, but the way things unfolded this past week, I am believing something bigger was involved. The timing of so many things is...i cannot describe it. I can say it was all enough to keep scaring her and making her want to help herself. Everything worked out well for the few days her mom was here and yesterday morning I took her to detox. She was getting more and more scared. She was being realistic by saying all she can do is try, that she wants to try and wants to get better, but recognizes the other possibilities.

over the past week she brought up all her issues on her own. it was like the part of her that was concealed for years was speaking out. she brought up some deep dark stuff that happened, she brought up a need for attention, lieing, being unable to cope. It is making me feel hopeful that she is having a breakthrough. But i also realize there is a long way to go and many possible outcomes.

i am still very scared, but i am still very hopeful

URMYEVERYTHING

Oh yes, a very long process. I have experienced this with exabf and to this day (1 year later) he still has a looooong way to go. I just was so beaten down during all this process that I finally gave up. I needed to in order to heal.

The best thing to do is to keep working on you despite what happens.
It's always positive when a loved one gets into treatment.

Chino

Synchronicity

You've seen what can happen when you let go while still supporting in healthy ways.

Hopefully she'll take this incredible opportunity and run with it

steve1840

chino-

i didn't quite let go and did stuff that most would advise me not to do, but i had to do what i did to make this work. i had to keep her as close as possible to see her mom. that went very well. 5 minutes before i was to pick her up, she was arrested. i went to the spot we were meeting and saw a police car, i had a bad feeling. i rode back and forth a couple times and could see they had their computer open, something went down. about ten minutes later she called that she had been arrested. she explained everything to them and they let her go despite have had handed over $100+ in drugs to them. That was a miracle. Finding the rehab place, more so the rehab place finding me was a miracle. There have been several lately that, as i said, make me feel something else is moving this. I need one more- that is that she can get into rehab immediately after detox. There is concern now that there may be a 5 day lag which means i will need to keep her busy for that time. ever so close to starting rehab, yet so far away. but, not as far as it was.

dollydo

Well, you are on a high now...mark my words, your organizing her recovery will not work.
Keeping her busy for 5 days will not work...the only thing that will work is HER seeking HER recovery on her own terms.

Lets see what happens. I hope that I am 100% wrong and that you are right!

May your dream for her come true!

You are in my thoughts,
Dolly

Chino

Well, maybe the Universe decided to show you who's boss, when she was let go by the police? Send you a little message? Neither one of you were in control of that.

Steve, you don't need another miracle, she does.

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink.

steve1840

dollydo- i'm not on as much of a high as may appeared. i know the realities. not every case involves the addict doing 100% of everything does it? i cannot see what the problem is with me coordinating a smoother transition. she IS wanting to do it and is the one who made the phone calls. yes, of course SHE has to decide not use for those days, but that does not mean we dump her off in the streets again to make her own choices. part of the rehab programs is to keep patients busy. i do not mean to appear arrogant or anything, but we are this close to her getting into a place where she can possibly change her life, so i am not going to just leave her on her own for those few days. i am not going to tell her what to do.

chino- you are right, SHE needs one more miracle

dollydo

Steve,

You have to do what you have to do. Just don't be disappointed "If" your "We" plan does not work out.

I am in your corner, although it does not sound that way today....maybe tomorrow....I will eat my words....I sure hope so!

Chino

Steve, I coordinated a smooth transition for my RAD a couple of times when she said she was ready for help. She couldn't make her own calls because she didn't know who to call or how to pay for it, and she sure as hell wasn't able to make sense of anything said because her brain was scrambled. I did the same thing for her when she was hospitalized after a wreck.

I did make sure though, that I walked her through all of it later when she was clear headed. I told her she had to learn because someday I wouldn't be around.

If you're helping her because she is unable, I get that. Just make sure you share what you've learned later so she becomes self sufficient, OK?

vaya

I understand how hopeful and excited you feel. I went through a nail-biting experience helping my son get into detox and having to wait it out with him, so to speak. My son was perfectly capable of making the calls to rehab himself, but I did nudge him to do so so he would at least have the chance to begin the path to recovery (again). He just got out of detox and rejected the rehab he was set to go to. I'm not trying to pull you down. I was so hopeful and excited, and relieved that he was doing this on his own, sort of, and then he would be ok and I wouldn't have to tell him he had to leave the house. I'm sure there was a part of me glad that I, his mother, could have a positive influence on him. I'm over it. Reality has set in big time. Now I finally get the fact that no matter how much we hope, structure their situation and lives, try to protect them from the using triggers, etc....it is truly and completely out of our hands when it comes to their recovery. They have to want it themselves and be ready to actively pursue it as much as they would otherwise actively pursue scoring and using. My son used Heroin up until the very morning he checked into detox. It was only because he was going in to detox that I let him continue to stay until then. I know you feel you need to keep her busy for the 5 days up to the detox and I know how frustrating waiting for a spot in detox can be. But the bottom line is that there is very little you can do. If your daughter wants to stop using and recover she will. Many addicts kind of blow it all out just before detox figuring everything will be better after that. Just know that you can't really control what happens and you do have to pray for her. If she really wants it she will go after it. I truly pray that she does get it and does begin the path to recovery.

Ann

Keeping her in my prayers, Steve, and hope that this will be "the time" for her.

However this unfolds, please know that we are here to support you.

Hugs