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I let my guard down again

Old 07-19-2010, 07:01 AM
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I let my guard down again

Not a good weekend with 23 yr.AS. Spouse and I detached from him over a year ago. Two weeks ago he came to us asking for some work we let him work at our business a couple of days. At the end of the week I gave him a grocery gift certificate, cigarettess, and bought him some clothes. ( like any other addict he can not handle money) He seemed quite content. Sat. I get a call from him asking if he could get some clothes from our home I said I would drop them off. Bad mistake when I get there he's on something, he proceeds to tell me I owe him 400.00 for working. Never seen him like that before. He hops in to the front seat and wont get out. I threatened to phone the police. He was sweating and very angry. He then proceed to tell me if I didnt get him money he would destroy us and our business. I was so nervous of him I got out of the car in front of people and yelled for him to get away from the vehicle. To put it simple he looked like a crazed animal. Leant through the window and tried to grab my cigarettes I just drove off. He then calls my cell phone and tells me " if I know what is good for me I will get him money"
He is on bail right now about to go to jail for his first time, he seems worse then we have ever seen him. He has a no drinking and drug order against him. His choice of drug crack. I am sickened by this , just venting today.
Has anyone seen this behaviour before? I pray at this point he gets picked up by the police. I am sick and tired of his crap. You would think I would learn.
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Old 07-19-2010, 07:22 AM
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Katie,
I know it is a horrible thing to have to face BUT PLEASE stay away from him, hes not the son you know and love right now hes controlled by his need for drugs.

He could hurt you, even kill you.........please stay away from him and watch out for yourself dont go anywhere alone

so sorry you are going thru this.
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Old 07-19-2010, 08:03 AM
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katie,

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I do not have any experience with that level of behavior, maybe someone else will.

I just wanted to say, don't beat yourself up. Your son came to you with a legitimate request to do some work, you "paid" him in a way that he accepted - all seemed fine at the time - but then the drugs took over and things got out of hand. It's to be expected, but . . . there is no way you could have known it would happen. We make the best decision we can as each situation is presented to us.

Hope you have a better day today.
Joan
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Old 07-19-2010, 08:41 AM
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Katie44:

You've been at this for many a year now. Rather than answer your question about if any of us have seen this kind of behavior before in our addicted loved one, I would rather take the time to reiterate that you need to stay away from your son right now. With a person who has stolen as much from you as you say your son has, you have no business allowing him on your property much less letting him work for you.

I pray that your enabling stops for your sake and for your son's sake. Like others before me have said, we can love our children to death.

May I also suggest that you frequent this site for your own recovery, not to give the latest dramatic episode with your son.

May God bless you and your family Katie44, and may He bless us all as we watch our addicted loved ones slide into the abyss.
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Old 07-19-2010, 09:41 AM
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Katie, I would have the same to say as the other members above. As long as he is using NOTHING will change in your relationship with him. Don't expect anything from him other than the drama he brings.

Are you willing to step away from the addict? What will it take for you to do so?
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Old 07-19-2010, 11:37 AM
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okay so I needed a reminder. Stupid thing to let him back for a couple of days.
Another relapse on my part. Sat. just reminded me of how truly sick he is.
Thanks everyone
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:29 PM
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Hi Katie, Just sending some hugs and an "I'm sorry" you had to go through this again. Please stay as tough as you have too for as long as he is still using. In Sept. my son will be a year free of drugs and I'm still watching carefully for my own satisfaction. Guess this effects us more than we know. Stay safe!! Hugs, Bonnie
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Old 07-19-2010, 02:40 PM
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Katie,

Katie, I'm glad you recognize your relapsed. Time to get back on the wagon. Work the recovery you wish he'd work.

As far as your son's behavior, from experience, I can tell you that crack makes people clinically insane and when they reach that point, where your son is at, they WILL hurt you for drugs. And they would rather hurt you, than do the work necessary to get clean.

Be careful.
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Old 07-19-2010, 02:54 PM
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K,

Quite scary to be in that position. He is drug crazed, he is very sick. And, I am so sorry.

You know what to do, you have a full tool box,and know how to use every one of them, for you, and him.

Start the process all over, no contact.

Take care,
Dolly
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Old 07-20-2010, 11:39 AM
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my ex has done the same thing. It's that exact behavior that has had me calling the police frantically because i didn't know what else to do. Only it was meth induced. He'd sit there and flip out on me and tell me to "give him money" i'd refuse, and he'd forcefully remove me from his apartment. Up until a couple of weeks ago, i hadn't seen that side of him in a long while. I'm wondering if his choice to not call me or anything has something to do w/ the drugs and his bipolar mania. So I know what it's like to go through something like that.

Stay strong.
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katie44 (07-21-2010)
Old 07-21-2010, 06:48 AM
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He called yesterday, left a message that I had acted like a nut case on the weekend. Of course he did nothing wrong. Just put the phone on call block again. Went to a naranon meeting meeting last nite. No more chaos - working on my own recovery.
It is so hard sometimes. Thanks for the postings.
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Old 07-21-2010, 06:49 AM
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It's time to cut the ties. He's an adult now. Take care of yourself and let him figure things out on his own.
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Old 07-21-2010, 08:28 AM
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Katie
If anyone understands where you are, another mother does. I've been doing pretty good in my recovery...or at least I thought I was. But I've been emotionally and psychologically assaulted by my addicted son recently too. I had to stop and recognize my part in the problem......again. My son's drug of choice......I don't know......I think it's anything he can get his hands on. As long as his behavior is reasonable, I seem to be able to manage just fine and there are times when his behavior is reasonable. But then WHAM out of the blue, he spirals and the behavior is as irrational as you've described. Threats of suicide......that's his favorite one......he knows that it's my one hot button that will get a reaction to try to stop him.

But it's other people like YOU who are having to deal with the same issues and are having to be strong in the face of addiction that help me. Thank you for posting. Thank you for being here in SR. (Now I'm wondering if that's a form of codependence? lol)

gentle hugs
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