Scared Mom
 

I am new to this Forum. My 19-year old son is currently in his 3rd residential treatment program. He seems to be different this time, and says he is so tired of the mess he has made of his life, and is ready to move on to a better future. We so want to believe him. Once he finishes this program in the next few weeks, he wants to go to a sober house program. That is new and different, and again, gives us hope. But I am so afraid to get my hopes up. How will I know when I can breathe again?

Just keep breathing no matter what he does.

Have you visited Nar-anon, it would help much!

Addiction is for life so go ahead and breathe.

Naranon or Alanon are really good ideas and I also see a therapist. I started "working the program I wished she would," and she is my RAD (recovering addict daughter). Once she started working her own program of recovery, things began to change between us in a really good way.

I didn't cause her addiction, I can't cure or control it, either, but I can contribute to all sorts of problems. I've learned how to stop doing that.

You can start breathing again when you come to the realization that his problems are NOT your problems...and hand him over to his Higher Power. Have you been through any addiction counseling or Al-anon meetings?

i too am a scared mom but i have learned that i have to have a life without constant worry about what my son is doing or is going to do - i'm still working on the letting go thing but, as someone else said, continuing to breathe (live) regardless is the best advice - if your son is serious this time and he works his program and is in active recovery he is going to want a healthy homelife to take part in- God bless you in your struggle and i pray your son will stay strong

Keep breathing, this is only the beginning of his journey. He is an addict for life, it's only a matter if he is active or not. There is no cure for this disease.

Go about your life, love him and turn him over to the HP, no matter what you do, the HP is in charge.

Keep posting it will help!

Can't add too much to these awesome answers excpet to say that this is a family disease and EVERYONE in the family needs to get into recovery for their own good AND to help the addict.:ghug3I'm the mom of an 18 yr. old addict and wish you the best..btw sober living sounds like a great idea!

Sounds like he is following directions recommended after inpatient.
Just believe in him, show compassion & love. He is trying to overcome addiction.

He is sick and trying to get well right now. As long as he is trying there is lots of hope.

Hi and welcome to our Family, keep breathing, will keep you in my prayers. Please concentrate on yourself. Hugs xxx

Do not give up hope, only expectations.

Wow, thank you to each and every one of you, for the hope and the advice. Things are moving along well. He is to be successfully discharged on Tuesday from his inpatient program, and he has chosen a Sober Living Residence to move into on that day. He does seem very hopeful of a new and better day for himself. His big goal is to be able to return to college, but he knows he has much to accomplish before that can happen. He also has some legal hurdles, and that keeps him focused as well. I don't know what will happen next, but I do know that it is up to him. I find myself at times hopeful, at times terrified, and at times very tearful and anxious. I know I need to get to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting, and need to prioritize that for myself. In the meantime, I will continue to visit this Forum. I have much to learn. You are all so inspirational to me! Thank you!

mji
Gentle hugs to you as you deal with the challenges of being the mother of an addict. It is a tough road and we need all the hugs we can get.

Sunnygirl68 said exactly what I was thinking as I read your post. It's ok to have hope--I'll never let go of hope but I have no expectations.

Ditto.

Hugs from another mom of an addict.

***HUGS****

Keep looking foward it what I was told recently and just pray.

"It's ok to have hope--I'll never let go of hope"



As long as there is breath there is hope. Prayers for your son and for you.

There is great wisdom and strength to be found in this Forum. Today my son got an 8-hour pass to get things organized for his transition to the Sober Living home. It was wonderful to spend time with him NOT under the influence, thinking clearly, talking of a brighter tomorrow. He also talks about knowing that it won't be easy, knowing that he needs to earn back trust from so many, and feeling so motivated to leave the last 3 years behind and start anew. I felt so proud of him today, yet I guard myself against unrealistic expectations. One day at a time, I hope to see him grow and succeed. It was so great to see him laugh and smile again! I gave him a small engraved stone plaque to take with him to his new home...it says "We are such stuff as dreams are made on." I told him to keep it in his bedroom and take a look at it when he is feeling lonely or weak, to keep his dreams of a better life in focus. Here's to reaching our dreams!

My question is when do they KILL the spider and stop sweeping the webs? By that I mean - there has to be an end point - somewhere - somehow. I am so ANGRY and tired of the fact they KNOW when they are taking that first drink, hit of crack or whatever drug. This is my PROBLEM! If they do it KNOWING they are going to lose everything then why do they do it - I think because they believe they can always fix the damage. But at some point - a dangerous thing happens in our lives - the spider dies and we no longer have a need to sweep our webs we let the abuser create in our lives. Sad but it is true. Once the line is crossed - there is nothing more we feel obligated to do or can keep ourselves from doing! The road is HARD and often lonely - but there is an end to the road and a bright fork in the road! You will know when you reach it..THEN you can breathe!!!

((Bhh)) -welcome to SR!

You bring up a feeling we all go through.."why do they keep doing it"? As both a recovering addict AND recovering codie, I can only say that BOTH sides of the fence are guilty of this.

As an A (addict), I'd get clean, then think I could do "just a little cracK" and then quit again without racking up more bad consequences.

As a CODIE, I kept thinking that something I said or did would have an effect on my loved one, despite the fact that it never had in all the times I've tried.

It's called insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I continue to have hope for every A who struggles. As long as they're breathing, I believe there is hope. However, I had to accept that, even though I'm an RA and I KNOW how the addict thinks, I still can't get anyone else clean. I'm just not that powerful.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Your son is 19 and your still holding your breath. My son is 14 months and I hold my breath constantly, reminding myself to breathe. I worry all the time about him and when I'm not doing that I'm worrying that I'm worrying. I guess no matter how old they get you still hold your breath.
-virtual hug