Should we get an Atty?

Old 07-15-2010, 02:43 PM
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Should we get an Atty?

GF's son, not yet 21 was busted for dealing pot; less than 1 oz, scale and cash were confiscated by police. Know I did stupid stuff like this at his age, but nothing like this. I'm almost tempted to totally detach and tell GF to do whatever she feels is right on this one. Any one have a similar experience? Is this acting out? Guilt tripping myself on this a little bit as well. Do the three C's apply? Almost seems like karmic payback for the things I put my parents through... Wanting to break the cycle.
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Old 07-15-2010, 02:46 PM
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My thoughts are to let him sort it out himself...his action=his consequences.

There are court appointed attorneys for those who cannot afford them, so I think I'd keep my money and my sanity both.

Hugs because I know this stinks when you are a parent and want to "help".
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Old 07-15-2010, 02:48 PM
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I agree with Ann 100%. His screwup, his problem. Hopefully you and your girlfriend will be on the same page about this.
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Old 07-15-2010, 03:26 PM
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Add my vote to the "let him handle it" pile. For the same reasons mentioned above. Even if he gets probation, that may not be such a bad thing, because then someone who is independent of his family life will be holding him somewhat accountable for holding down a job and staying out of trouble.
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Old 07-15-2010, 05:24 PM
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I'd let him handle it. He did the crime. He was old enough to deal the pot, so he is old enough to get his own lawyer. When my bf's daughter went to jail for DWI, we did not bail her out or get her a lawyer. She was only 19, so it was hard not to do anything. Nobody bailed her out. She stayed in jail for 3 days, and then the judge let her go. She used a state-appointed attorney, and ended up getting probation and community service. I think that we did the best thing by keeping our hands off of her and letting her have to deal with the consequences of her actions.
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Old 07-16-2010, 09:18 PM
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I would say...old enough to do what he did, so let him sort himself out. Or leave it up to GF to decide...either way, detaching might be the best thing on your part. My oldest brother got busted for a similar thing when he was that age; he didn't go to jail for a "first offense", but my parents left him to sort it out. My thought...if you bail him out, will he learn that he can just continue to do these things because he knows you both will step in and take care of his problems for him?
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Old 07-17-2010, 06:26 AM
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