What was he on?
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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What was he on?
Hello,
Yesterday morning was the first time I saw my may-soon-to-be-ex husband in quite a few weeks. As we were talking I noticed he had a very difficult time focusing on our conversation. It seemed like his mind would just wonder off into space or he'd get easily distracted by something. He also could not sit still and was always getting in and out of his chair and was very fidgety. I asked him if he was high and of course he said no. He would also repeat himself from time to time. He has never used before, I mean besides Oxy. So I couldn't help but wonder what he was using. Would anyone have any idea? It's sad to see someone I still have some feeling for decline so rapidly
Yesterday morning was the first time I saw my may-soon-to-be-ex husband in quite a few weeks. As we were talking I noticed he had a very difficult time focusing on our conversation. It seemed like his mind would just wonder off into space or he'd get easily distracted by something. He also could not sit still and was always getting in and out of his chair and was very fidgety. I asked him if he was high and of course he said no. He would also repeat himself from time to time. He has never used before, I mean besides Oxy. So I couldn't help but wonder what he was using. Would anyone have any idea? It's sad to see someone I still have some feeling for decline so rapidly
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
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Hi there, no i couldnt begin to know, but just thought i would say, I have the same feeling of seeing someone you love, decline. All we can do for them is give them to HP and know their lives are in good hands! Keep strong. Hugs xxxx
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
You have previously mentioned alcohol poisoning, oxy and benzos, a deadly combination. He's not done punishing himself.
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult the past year has been for you. Does it make sense to seek professional counseling?
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult the past year has been for you. Does it make sense to seek professional counseling?
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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I really do wish I knew what he was on. He was talking a mile a minute too, so perhaps he was using some kind of upper? After talking with my mom, she even thought he was using something. I haven't see him since and I am worried about him even though our marriage may soon come to an end. I don't know what he's been doing but I know he's not working yet he's getting money some how.
I'm still recieveing counseling and have been told not to take him back until he straightens up. I plan on taking that advice since I already have more then enough drama in my life. It is strange not having him in my life as much. I do everything for myself now and am pretty much on my own.
I'm still recieveing counseling and have been told not to take him back until he straightens up. I plan on taking that advice since I already have more then enough drama in my life. It is strange not having him in my life as much. I do everything for myself now and am pretty much on my own.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Why do I feel somewhat responsible for his actions?
Deep down, I know that he is responsible for his own actions but I can't help but feel as if part of me is to blame for what's happening to him now. Maybe I didn't support him enough so he decided to turn to drugs and alcohol? I've known him since high school. We had a long marriage, I should have seen something like this coming, right?
Today, he happened to drop by my house. I guess he walked from somewhere since he didn't have a car and he just appeared out of the blue. It was 113 degrees out and he was soaking with sweat and was obviously overheated. It didn't seem to bother him though. We talked a bit, he kept scratching his scalp and acted the same as I described earlier. I offered him a shower at my house and after that he wanted me to drop him off at a gas station down the road where he disappeared. He was also telling me his roommate was going to kick him out next Thursday and how he had no idea where he would go from there. If he can't find a place, he may have to go into a homeless shelter. I really wanted to invite him back into my home, at least for a few weeks. The heat here is unbearable and I can't imagine him living off the streets. He's still technially my husband. I held back though and luckily didn't offer him the house.
I'm afraid I may give into him
Deep down, I know that he is responsible for his own actions but I can't help but feel as if part of me is to blame for what's happening to him now. Maybe I didn't support him enough so he decided to turn to drugs and alcohol? I've known him since high school. We had a long marriage, I should have seen something like this coming, right?
Today, he happened to drop by my house. I guess he walked from somewhere since he didn't have a car and he just appeared out of the blue. It was 113 degrees out and he was soaking with sweat and was obviously overheated. It didn't seem to bother him though. We talked a bit, he kept scratching his scalp and acted the same as I described earlier. I offered him a shower at my house and after that he wanted me to drop him off at a gas station down the road where he disappeared. He was also telling me his roommate was going to kick him out next Thursday and how he had no idea where he would go from there. If he can't find a place, he may have to go into a homeless shelter. I really wanted to invite him back into my home, at least for a few weeks. The heat here is unbearable and I can't imagine him living off the streets. He's still technially my husband. I held back though and luckily didn't offer him the house.
I'm afraid I may give into him
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
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I'm afraid I may give into him
Take care of you. Let Him be Him, and let Him suffer the consequences of his own actions.
They will never get to the bottom, if we keep them from getting there.
Hang in there woman.
Take care of you. Let Him be Him, and let Him suffer the consequences of his own actions.
They will never get to the bottom, if we keep them from getting there.
Hang in there woman.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 48
I'm so angry! I caved in!
His roommate kicked him out yesterday. He called me and asked if he could stay at my house. And I said ok. Why do I still care for him? I told myself I would not let him into the house and I did
His roommate kicked him out yesterday. He called me and asked if he could stay at my house. And I said ok. Why do I still care for him? I told myself I would not let him into the house and I did
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Originally Posted by Nightmare21 
I really do wish I knew what he was on. He was talking a mile a minute too, so perhaps he was using some kind of upper?
My exabf was a Heroin addict and would act exactly as you are describing when coming down from his high...so who knows?? It definately wasn't a clean and sober man you were seeing.
I had to learn to let go of investigating and wanting to find out the why's, the who's, the what's, etc. It just wasn't healthy for me to know. The more I knew abouthis addiction and what he had done, the more respect I lost for him.
I know it's tough. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by Nightmare21
Why do I still care for him?
This isn't caring for him Nightmare! This is enabling him. You can care for him so much that he ends up dead. I'm not meaning to be so blunt but this is how addiction is.
He's obviously not done. Are you willing to go down with him? Are you willing to live with feeding his addiction for a few more weeks? It sounds like you were doing so good for awhile.
Hang in there. We'll be here.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Dear Nightmare,
It's time to put on your big girl panties and tell him to leave. If you love him, you will do this. He is in the throws of active addiction you are not helping him, you are part of the problem. Enabling him only hurts him, it allows the addiction to thrive. Let him fall to his knees, possibly when totally down and out he will seek recovery.
If I sound harsh I am sorry, however, only you can stop the insanity, for you and him.
It's time to put on your big girl panties and tell him to leave. If you love him, you will do this. He is in the throws of active addiction you are not helping him, you are part of the problem. Enabling him only hurts him, it allows the addiction to thrive. Let him fall to his knees, possibly when totally down and out he will seek recovery.
If I sound harsh I am sorry, however, only you can stop the insanity, for you and him.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
so you have taken a nearly homeless active drug addict BACK into your home.....
Lock up your valuables. Hide your car keys. Check your boundaries. Write them down. Write down your consequences. Be prepared to enforce them.
Try to keep moving forward with your recovery. And let him do what he's going to do.
We all have to live and learn. Have faith - because when you are done learning this lesson you'll be able to move on to the living part, and it's so much more enjoyable!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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I don't know what I'm doing... As others have said here I was doing so well for a while and now I've invited this man back into my life to drag me down. I won't let this happen though. I know I'm enabling him with his addiction and I don't want to be that person.
He moved in yesterday, he had a plastic bag of clothes and that's it. I could only imagine what happened to the rest of his stuff. I've made a few VERY clear rules, NO drug use in my house, he can't use the cars, he can only eat what he buys (shouldn't be that hard, I don't eat at home so there's not much here), he's not to ask me for any more favors, he sleeps at the opposite side of the house and he is to respect my things. He has helped around the house, he's dusted, taken out the trash and did other household chores. Still, I know that doesn't validate anything.
After doing all that he went back to sleep where he still is now (it's after 3 here) I've told him he has until Friday to find some place to go. I have been looking for places on my own so maybe I can drop him off some place.
I still love him, just not the state that he's in. I think it's harder for me to let go because he was Victorias father
I still can't believe I do this. Let an active drug user into my home.
He moved in yesterday, he had a plastic bag of clothes and that's it. I could only imagine what happened to the rest of his stuff. I've made a few VERY clear rules, NO drug use in my house, he can't use the cars, he can only eat what he buys (shouldn't be that hard, I don't eat at home so there's not much here), he's not to ask me for any more favors, he sleeps at the opposite side of the house and he is to respect my things. He has helped around the house, he's dusted, taken out the trash and did other household chores. Still, I know that doesn't validate anything.
After doing all that he went back to sleep where he still is now (it's after 3 here) I've told him he has until Friday to find some place to go. I have been looking for places on my own so maybe I can drop him off some place.
I still love him, just not the state that he's in. I think it's harder for me to let go because he was Victorias father
I still can't believe I do this. Let an active drug user into my home.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Nightmare, it's obvious that you still love this man. And I want to tell you how sorry I am over the loss of Victoria, that's a big heartache for any parent to endure. My heart goes out to you. Did you ever think that's one of the reasons he is still using drugs? Maybe he is medicating the sorrow that he just can't deal with.
I can almost guarantee you that he will not be gone out of your home by Friday. The odds are that he has no place to go, and probably no money or any other resources. Does he work? Do yourself a favor, regardless of what he does around the house to help. Don't let him get so comfortalbe that he doesn't leave. I'm sure he is lying about his drug use, because all that fidgeting is either coke, or speed. Or something like that.
Maybe you could talk to him about treatment, and then moving on to a sober house or something. I sure hope things turn out the way you want them to.
I can almost guarantee you that he will not be gone out of your home by Friday. The odds are that he has no place to go, and probably no money or any other resources. Does he work? Do yourself a favor, regardless of what he does around the house to help. Don't let him get so comfortalbe that he doesn't leave. I'm sure he is lying about his drug use, because all that fidgeting is either coke, or speed. Or something like that.
Maybe you could talk to him about treatment, and then moving on to a sober house or something. I sure hope things turn out the way you want them to.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Don't let him get so comfortable that he doesn't leave.
And I was serious about writing down your boundaries AND the consequences for violating them. It's so much easier to follow through when you have an entire plan in writing.
Also, just a note. "No drug use in the house" is an OK boundary. (You'd think it would be obvious, but we are dealing with addicts - DUH!). It's also very difficult to prove drug use. I found boundaries were much easier to enforce when they were built around my BEHAVIORS. So I worded my boundary, "If I suspect ANYONE is using drugs in my house, I will ask them to leave IMMEDIATELY. And if they don't, I WILL call the police and have them escorted off my property."
Best boundary I ever enforced... because it was about ME and what I perceive as appropriate, not about what someone else was doing.
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Well it's wednesday, almost Thursday and I;ve made it CLEAR that he is not welcome after Friday. He still hasn't looked for a place and he has no idea where to go. I may end up dropping him off at a homeless shelter since he's still "thinking" about a sober house. I told him there are resources out there for him even though he has very little and no job. He has wonderful job skills and even a degree. He just chosen to give everything up.
To my surprise, he continues to help out around the house and everything seemed to go okay until I came home from work today. To my knowledge, he hasn't been using in my house but apparently he's using somewhere. I came home to find him laying on the burning hot cement, directly under the sun, in the 110 degree heat! I asked him what the heck is he doing and he didn't say a word. It looked as though he's been sitting out there for a while. He was lobster red with his shirt and pants soaked in sweat. I made him come inside and jump into the shower to cool off. He seemed to come to after a while but said his eye sight was a little off - everything was dark and blue and purple in color. Still not sure what in the world he was doing, I'm not even sure he knows what he was doing. What do I do with someone like this?
To my surprise, he continues to help out around the house and everything seemed to go okay until I came home from work today. To my knowledge, he hasn't been using in my house but apparently he's using somewhere. I came home to find him laying on the burning hot cement, directly under the sun, in the 110 degree heat! I asked him what the heck is he doing and he didn't say a word. It looked as though he's been sitting out there for a while. He was lobster red with his shirt and pants soaked in sweat. I made him come inside and jump into the shower to cool off. He seemed to come to after a while but said his eye sight was a little off - everything was dark and blue and purple in color. Still not sure what in the world he was doing, I'm not even sure he knows what he was doing. What do I do with someone like this?
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Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Originally Posted by Nightmare21
What do I do with someone like this?
I'm sure your nerves are in overdrive! I'm reading it in your post. This is not healthy for you nor him.
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Location: Seattle, WA
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PS. He may not be using at your house, but he's on drugs and he's HIGH.
Your acceptance of this is telling him that is ok to be high around you.
Is it?
It's probably going to be a tough job getting him out on Friday. I had to draw firmer boundaries, and change the locks after I let my addict Ex back in the house for the umpteenth time. Keep us posted.
Your acceptance of this is telling him that is ok to be high around you.
Is it?
It's probably going to be a tough job getting him out on Friday. I had to draw firmer boundaries, and change the locks after I let my addict Ex back in the house for the umpteenth time. Keep us posted.
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