What was he on?

Old 07-23-2010, 10:49 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Well I finally did it...

This morning (Friday) I woke him up to tell him he better decide soon where he's going to go and what he wants to do from here because clearly, he cannot stay here. As expected he begged and pleaded to stay a "few extra days". I was very tempted to let him stay at least the weekend but I felt I had to put my foot down. I remembered what others have said here, if I let him get too comfortable he'll only make himself and I worse. After some off anf on argueing it was settled he was to go into a homeless shelter downtown. I hated driving there. I never thought in a million years that I'd be driving him to such a place. No more then a year ago was he working a professional job and was a very clean cut and successful man. Looking at him now, I see nothing more then a alcoholic, drug addicted man who's only an empty shell of his former self. The place itself was almost eerie - I've been fortunite enough to never have to deal with these kinds of places. I also saw people who were actually much worse then him. They looked as though they've been using for decades. I wondered to myself, will my "husband" turn out like this? Is this his future? I quickly told him good bye before I changed my mind. I gave him some money to help him out a bit and that was it... Not sure where he's going to go from here. He did say he'd keep in touch

We did have one wonderful moment together. Every day I go to visit my daughters grave and before he would never go with me. Until yesterday, he's never gone with me to remember her and to be with her. It was the perfect moment. The weather was unusally pleasent for this time of year and everything around us seemed calm. He even bought flowers to place beside her which was something unexpected from me.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:29 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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You made a good decision. When my heroin addicted brother (I was the enabler) was in his "heroin heyday" I'd driven him to almost every place imaginable, homeless shelter, rehab, etc., and I hated every minute of it. I felt my parents had given up on him, when they kicked him out. Little did I know at the time that they were in fact making the right decision for themselves by detaching themselves from the emotionally abusive aspects of his disease.

I took over the "enabler" role after I found my brother sleeping in a snow-covered wooded area on a night when the temperature outdoors was below 20 degrees. Instead of calling the police, I brought him home with me and allowed him to stay at my place. My decision to do this was based on pure pity and a false idea that I could actually help him. All I pictured in my head was the kid that I grew up with, sharing a bedroom, stories, friends, etc. I was wrong. For me, the idea that I could help was the most difficult thing to move away from. The truth is, only the addict can help himself/herself.

Sadly, in my experience, an addict will not come to this realization when family members & loved ones enable him/her to continue along a destructive path.

It flies in the face of human nature to "abandon" somebody you love. Taking your addict to a shelter isn't abandonment. Try to find some comfort in the fact that others seemed worse off than he. Maybe he'll dig deep and become an inspiration to these people.

Either way, the bottom line is that you have to get along with your life, as much as it hurts to do so. I wish you the very best. You have my sympathy.
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Old 07-24-2010, 09:07 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
tam
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GOOD GOING, you can do it!..now take care of yourself. I too saw my exah the other day (he called the cops on me) and he looked very agitated, couldnt stand still and didnt listen to the police instructions at all. they had to tell him multiple times to get off the property,stop talking and get in the vehicle..I on the other hand stood there in control (I cried but that stopped) and I didnt react at all whereas a few months ago who knows what I would have done.
I thank this forum, my support meetings for this. You have to step back and stay clear away from the addict and live for YOU. I know its sad to see our loved ones looking like this, but living it with them truly isnt healthy for us and it certainly doesnt help them as much as we think it did.
Keep posting, go to meetings and give yourself time to heal.
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Old 07-24-2010, 10:32 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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That must have been heartwrenching. I hope you feel pride in your strength. I feel pride for you. You just did the best thing you could possibly ever do to help your stbxah, your children and yourself. Keep us posted on your healing.
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