starting to breathe
 

i feel like i am starting to breathe a little better, like that the worst part is over for me. I have been re-reading posts, going through old threads and i came across some powerful stuff. one in particular asked "do you know me...you may not know me, but i know you, i'm an addict."

that flashed me back to stuff i experienced with this girl when we were living together before she hit the hard stuff. narcissistic personality disorder. as dangerous as an addict.

and i realized, wait a minute- i am lucky. yes she is a person i care about and love, but she is not my wife, girlfriend, mother of my child. i can detach.

then the otherside hits me- the girl has virtually no one she feels close too. if you detach, that leaves her lost and alone. then i remember what you all have told me, if she wants help, she will find it.

it plays out back and forth in my head.

then i am able to hold on to the thought, that i do not need to let this get to me. i do not need to voluntarily step into another person's whirlwind of trouble (the other thought returns that that is a harsh thing to think), but i need to duck from the flying debris so as to save myself. sure i can stand there and take the hit, but that doesnt help anyone

Doesn't it feel great when the cloud begins to lift and you can actually see the reality of the situation? The more time I have to think, the more good reasons I can come up with to keep working on detaching. So I know exactly what you're talking about. And you're right. You are very lucky in that the person you are trying to detach from has no official capacity in your life right now. Take advantage of that aspect of the situation and keep going. Try not to look back! We can both do this.... :)

i does feel good to have that moment of clarity when the clouds lift. they arent gone yet, but i am sure they will be. i hope for you too.

Hey Steve, I've been reading about the Dalai Lama and is is inspiring to me because he has such a positive outlook on life. Even though he has reason to be angry he holds no grudges or negative emotions, he is free of the emotions of anger. He says that if he was to give into feelings of wanting to reciprocate over the Tibet issues with China he would be overwhelmed with bitterness and loss sleep and his inner peace and joy. I would love to reach some fraction of his level of peace in life. He goes on to say that those he would feel those negative feelings for would not know he had those feelings, or lose sleep that he would harbor such thoughts.

I guess what I mean to convey is that you may be going back and forth pro and con in your head over this issue but is this girl worrying, crying, feeling upset that you have lost your inner peace over her situation? I don't know, but give those feelings up to your higher power and let Him deal with this situation. And may you find peace. :)

steve, that post "do you know me" helped me too, very powerful and so true

i would suggest that even if you are "there" for her, she is still lost and alone.