mamacole

Thank you, I am going to answer the phone and tell her that we love her but not her addiction. I am going to tell her that when she decides to be sober she knows where to go and what to do. I will tell her that I do not feel obligated to do for her what she can do for herself.
How am I doing??? I know this is the right thing to do-- even tho the mom o meter says its so wrong. I am going to have to muster all the strength that I have left and just do this.
Any other suggestions are appreciated alot!!! She should be calling anytime after 6:30 UGH

keepinon

I think what you plan on saying says great..remember ..the mom-ometer has been off for a while now..if nothing changes then nothing changes!

mamacole

Well just an update, my daughter hasn't called and I just got a text from her boyfriends mom. It says "they are traveling on this has no good ending. So sad to me!!"
So I am concluding that she was a no show for court and they took off somewhere...God knows where... I hope God KNOWS where.

tjp613

Oh, that's not good news. Ok, she's in HP's hands now, and we'll all be praying. ((Hugs))

coffeedrinker

mamacole,

just read through the thread and wanted to offer my support.

you ARE doing the right thing, you are doing so, so well.

i truly believe that deep inside, she knows the difference between pity, enabling, and Love.

page83

I went through treatment last fall. A number of the people in my group were kicking heroin (most aged 18-24). I am older and alcohol was my drug of choice. When I grew up being hooked on heroin was considered nearly a death sentence. Today it is cheaper, stronger, and you can smoke it. I suspect it will soar past cocaine as a drug of choice for many young people. It is really sad.

mamacole

Some good news, I have a thin thread of hope. I haven't posted because I've been busy. She did call that night, said she wanted help and she was going to call a local asessment center and see if she could get into treatment. Her boyfriend too called his mom saying the same thing. They have been dating forever, he did not start using until recently. She said she would call the center in the AM and let me know. The next day she called me back and asked If I could take them down to the center. They had all their stuff packed and ready to go into a program. She did the assessment and was told they were full and there was a 6-8 week wait to get in!!! OMG!
I had a minor panic attack! They told him 8-12 week wait. Here they were wanting help and couldn't get it! Both been clean for 7 days. They offered an outpatient program but thats not an option for her, transportation issues to where it is.
I called his mom and told her, she was showing a house and said she'd get there to pick him up ASAP. I didn't know what to do so I brought her to the house.
$$ is a problem and so many rehabs are so expensive. Found one that she could get into yesterday, so far so good. They have a mens rehab that is about 20 miles away and her BF got in there. They are so motivated right now.
The night before going to rehab we all (us all and her BF and his family) went to dinner. We were talking about that on the weekend at rehab you can go out with your family for a couple of hours and we thought we'd all go up there and take them to lunch. Now my hubby is thinking this is a horrible idea, I kind of agree after sleeping on it. Now my daughter is so looking forward to it and I have to call her and tell her we changed our minds. ugh...any opinions on this??

tjp613

My son's rehab was 5 hours away from me, but when we were up there for Family Week, there were several family members who visited EVERY weekend....one even flew across the country to be there for visiting days, which was Sunday afternoons. You have always taken the stance that you would support her recovery, and I believe that means visiting on weekends whenever possible. They go through a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil while in rehab, facing demons and admitting the damage they've done to relationships. They need to know that they are loved and supported through that process! Wouldn't you? Anyway....that's my $0.02.

What is your husband's objection? I don't see a down side.

suki44883

I have mixed emotions about the visitation thing, but considering her attitude when she went, I'm leaning toward encouraging the visits. If she had been more or less forced to go, I'd probably not be so inclined, but since she appears to be excited and really wants the help, then I would probably do whatever I could, within reason, to encourage her.

Tiredofdrugs

Hi mamacole:

Instead of taking them out for awhile? Why not cook something from home and take it to them for an outside picnic! I LOVE going to my parents home and eating a home cooked meal from mom's kitchen. If the lights on above the kitchen table, then something good is on it to eat! Home cooked meals is always a way to bring back good memories.

I'm 172 days clean myself. Good memories and good things are what I LOVE to get and hold onto now adays.

The love affair I had with my opiates is a very strong pull to any of us in early recovery. (If only our love for our drugs was as strongly used for other things and people)? What a life that would be for all of us)! It DOES get better the longer we are off our DOC. The addict just has to want their freedom from it's clutches in order to stay strong enough to keep fighting the pull it wants to lure us into.

Hopefully now that your daughter has gotten a taste of the jail cell, she'll be willing to get herself on the straight and narrow. It seems so far to have worked, since she's wanting into treatment. I know when I saw the inside of the jail I was fully awake as to what the h*ll was I doing with my life?

I wish your daughter and her boyfriend good luck.

TOD

ladyamalthea

Honestly, I see no problem with going up to visit whenever you can. They both took the steps to get into the rehab and are going willingly. If you find out sometime down the line that she is not doing so well, that she is giving the staff at the rehab a hard time or something, then I might consider telling her you are only going to support her in active recovery and nothing else. As long as she really is recovering and as long as you are not doing anything to run the risk of enabling her to relapse, I see nothing wrong with going.

That's just my opinion, of course...

But it sounds like she really is trying to recover, which is wonderful news!

keepinon

we drove 3 hours every sat. to see our daughter..we were in the family program..even though she is using again, our relationship is better and I attribute that to the things we both learned at rehab. I totally agree that going is showing support for their recovery..this is what you were waiting for! Chances are the staff there will help the whole family heal

gotahavfaith

Hi mamacole

My daughter is in a rehab that is an hour away. For the first 3 weeks she was not allowed to have any visitors. I have to say that I was very glad for that reprieve after all the drama and chaos. On my first visit there I was very anxious about going and really could not put my finger on why. I think it was because of what I thought HER thought process would be. She went in on her own, but I was afraid she would complain, and whine and want to leave, and try to manipulate me in some way or another. And I just did not want to deal with it. But I went and thankfully that was not an issue, and after 9 weeks it still isn't. We still have limited contact as she is only allowed 2 ten minute phone calls per week. She had her first 6 hour pass on Friday, and again I was anxious about it. And again, it was all right. I saw a light in my daughters eyes that I have not seen for a very long time. It was just me and her and we had a very good time. She is dealing with alot of emotions and guilt, and shame and the more time and tools she has the better. I visit, I listen, but I don't try to give advise to her. She has to figure this out on her own. THANKFULLY, I was fired from that job.

I guess what I am trying to say is maybe you could go and see how it goes. Support her the best you can. I think we as parents want to do everything we can to support them, but we don't want to enable them any longer. Maybe you and your husband are just feeling anxious about how she will react. I don't know. That is just my 2 cents worth.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Gotahavfaith

Marshgirl

When I was in rehab 3 yrs ago (unfortunately, I relapsed but now have 6 months under my belt), my mom's visit meant soooooo much to me. We had a family counseling meeting and it was very helpful in helping the healing process. The tools learned then have helped us both now. I love TOD's idea of bringing up a home cooked meal. PRAYERS to you, your daughter and bf. I am thinking of you all.