I will be great....you will see (Blah!)
 

I was able to resist because I knew that being silent would bug him more than ANYTHING... and with that was the added benefit of keeping my blood pressure under control (especially after I stopped listening to his messages and deleted his emails before reading). In the end I realized that going no contact was by far the smartest thing I ever did to regain control of my life and my sanity. It also was the quickest path.

Besides, blasting him with words is like clanging a symbal.... it's just noise to him and gives him satisfaction to know he still has control.

Do Not Do It.

That takes time. Right now you are still feeling hurt and anger. With time, those feeling will dissolve and you will find that you do hope he gets better and is able to live a happy life. Until then, the best thing you can do is block him from your phone and your email. Continuing to listen to (or read) his ravings only keeps you upset and angry.

It would feel good only temporarily though, dontcha' think?

By remembering that I personally value treating others with dignity and respect and accepting that by giving the addict a piece of my mind I would only be NOT treating another with dignity and respect. By accepting that it is MY responsibility to maintain my own self-esteem and accepting that lashing out would only serve to diminish MY self-esteem because doing so is against my own personal values.

Go No Contact URMyEverything. Stop reading his texts.

This is what worked for me too.

My exh finally stopped calling a month ago... the month prior to that... he'd call and leave a message... I wouldn't call back.

By not calling him back.. I had the last word.... and peace.... still do.

in the beginning of the separation, that was the hardest part for me no contact. it took time as each incident of talking to him (or even him talking to my family & friends) I saw that nothing changed and it only would upset me more. I got very angry, sad, panicky afterwards. finally, after reading posts here I set the boundry of no contact and have stuck to it..I do not pick up his calls although he leaves messages and again I do not respond. my boss called the police and had them call him to not call there or come there as its private property, he got the message. yes, there are times when I feel bad for being so hard on him, but honestly I wasnt headed in a good direction hearing the quack quack ..blah blah blah..our beloved dog passed away in my arms, she was quite ill and I didnt contact him about it, I felt I didnt need his drama with dealing with our dog. he heard about it and left me a message and again I didnt respond, instead I went for a long run :)
try to keep busy, find things to do that you like doing. attend meetings etc. I found the post "do you know me" very helpful recently,so keep reading posts .it does get easier and you will feel so much better about yourself!

Hope you're feeling a little better today URMyEverything.

I want to royally curse him out. I feel that urge to do it and rip into him. I want to give him hell for all the things he has done to me (stealing, lying) and the things he has not done (in and out of my life, rehabs, etc.). I know that I will not gain anything out of it but it sure would feel good to bury him with words.

How did you get past those urges to tongue lash your ex addict? I'm relly struggling here.


Many times I didn't get past the urge. I could spew venom out of my mouth that I was shocked and appalled at. Who knew little miss Callie could hang with the sailors with her foul mouth. (I don't usually cuss at all) I could rip him to shreds. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Any response to my outbreaks only fueled my fire. I always could talk circles around him, but when it came to him defending or lying or whatever about addiction...I've never, ever talked to anyone ever like I did him. Throw my words in with some pushing and shoving on my part when I'd find him nodded out upstairs @ 3 am. It got ugly, several times.

It did nothing. It didn't change anything. At all. The only thing it did do was make me feel bad for saying such things and beat him down even further. Nothing positive came of it. He didn't change a thing because of my words. I agree with the others do what you can do to avoid all of the quacking. It just makes you upset. Actions are what you need to see. You don't need to hear his words. I've always been confrontational when I felt I was right. It doesn't work with an addict. At all.

Happy birthday! :a122: Enjoy your day!

Happy Birthday !!!!! Hope your day is full of joy, peace and fun !!!!:day3