Nichole78

Ok so, my brother isnt the only addict in my life. My live in boyfriend of almost 4 years is also an addict. He abuses percoset and smokes A LOT of weed. He detoxed once last summer and stayed clean until he tore his rotater cuff back on the pills for pain, at first he was taking them as prescribed but after about a week it spiraled out of control, after about 2 months he detoxed again. TWO weeks later he hurt the shoulder once again went back to the ER and they wouldnt give him anything but 800mg of motrin and a muscle relaxer, which he didnt even get filled, he went and started buying the good ole pills again and to boot he buys them from my own father!!! YES my father is an addict AND a dealer nice huh? Anways, about 5 months into our reladionship i started to notice things he had told me didnt add up, his mom was dead, had a daughter, was in the military, ect...every single one of those things were a lie, and until this day all he does it lie, about anything and everything and its just insane. I dont have any more trust for him and ive given him SO many chances to just stop, but i dont think he knows how NOT to lie! The only thing i am sure of is he has never cheated on me, that i know 100% but that is not enough anymore. Im sick of being lied too, im sick of being broke, im sick of seeing his bad moods, im sick of him buying pills before getting his son new shoes, im just plain sick of it all!!! Now, when he was out of work for about 7 months I had to take care of all the bills and lot rent, i live in a mobile home park. Well there were times I had to send it portions of my rent just to be able to get food and pay my electric bill, SO i am behind on my rent about 1900.00. Now he is back to work and giving me 100 a week towards things, and i NEED that. I hate that i have to depend on him when I dont even want him here anymore. For the last 6 months hes been sleeping on the couch, we havent been intimate since well before xmas and i have NO desire to do so. But I feel stuck, i feel stuck because i know he wont be ordered to pay as much child supprt as i need from him right now, he only makes about 240 a week and i take 100 right now the rest goes to pills and weed and ive had it. I do receive state assistance which does help but with my rent so far behind i have to start paying an extra 100 a month or im going to end up with an eviction. I do care about him, i care that he has no place to go, and i care that the only family he has that speaks to him is us but now i know why the rest of them dont have much to do with him,. ( i love his sisters and jacob gets to see them) but at the same time i care about me and jacob and our well being. If someone can go out and spend 30.00 on 3 pills instead of offering to get his son sandels that is just pure selfishness!!! I do know i am very co dependant, more so with my brother than my bf but i still am. SO ive decided that the best thing to do is send him out on his own because i just cant deal with this anymore, nor should I or jacob have too!! I do love him and care for him but i have to love myself and my son more. But i just feel kinda stuck. He knows ive had enough, and yesterday he told me he knows im slipping away so maybe he knows its coming. Im going to my moms in mass in 2 weeks for a week and when i get back im ending it. I need him here until then to take care of the dogs, BUT i HAVE to really end it this time. ugggh sorry so long i just needed to get this out!

MsPINKAcres

((Nichole))

I hate to hear of you & your son living in such unhappy & unhealthy circumstances -

Have you attended in Al-Anon meetings? or read any recovery literature?

I have been in a similiar situation (my ex AH was an alcoholic/addict) and the meetings & literature helped me tremendously and of course SR helps me too!!!

Recovery helped me learn to set healthy boundaries and make decisions on what was best for ME ~ also to allow adults to take care of themselves regardless of the compassion (healthy & unhealthy) that I had for them.

Keep coming back - don't give up before the miracles happen in YOU - YOU deserve them!!!

HUGS,
Rita

coffeedrinker

Oh, Nichole,

I am sorry you are also carrying this burden. It's tough, tough, tough. But you can do this, I totally know you can.

I understand wanting to hold back and not spill your guts about the BF, when you are in turmoil about the relationship.

I think deciding to end it is by far the wise choice. There is a lot of healing needed, going way back. We'll be with you.

Impurrfect

(((Nichole))) - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, after all that's gone on with your brother, BUT, I have to say...I see a good change in you. You're realizing you DO deserve better, that Jacob deserves better, and you're setting things into motion to get out of this sick relationship.

Big hugs and prayers!

Amy