Well, It Happened...
ThatLittleGirl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
Well, It Happened...
My husband lost his job today...which I knew was coming... I'm having feelings all over the board at this point...relieved (the wait was excrutiating), scared, angry... You name it, I've probably felt it today. And to top it all off...after he KNEW he lost his job due to his addiction, what does he do???? He calls his doctor for a refill on his benzo prescription... He thinks he's totally fine...that everything is OK... I'm just beyond words right now... But I have some questions...I need some insight...
#1. Should I tell his parents?
#2. Should I kick him off my insurance?
#3. What other recommendations do you all have it any???
Thanks in advance for the support...this has been one of the most emotional periods of my life...ever!!!
#1. Should I tell his parents?
#2. Should I kick him off my insurance?
#3. What other recommendations do you all have it any???
Thanks in advance for the support...this has been one of the most emotional periods of my life...ever!!!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am very sorry for you and your children.
The only response I have to your questions is "Hands off the addict". I wouldn't jump into telling his parents, he did this, let him attempt to explain it, lie it out to them.
Aside from the above, what is your plan for you and your children?
It's not so much the circumstance(s) you are involved in, it is how you handle them.
The only response I have to your questions is "Hands off the addict". I wouldn't jump into telling his parents, he did this, let him attempt to explain it, lie it out to them.
Aside from the above, what is your plan for you and your children?
It's not so much the circumstance(s) you are involved in, it is how you handle them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
First off telling his parents is not your responsibility.
I recommend you slow down, take a deep breath and put first things first. (kicking him off your insurance, telling his parents - none of this is really that important at the moment.) Shelter. Food. A safe, happy place for you and your children to live.
Focus on you and your children. Consider that your husband is never ever ever going to change into who you think he should be. He'll never support his family. He'll never be clean. Never be sober.
Take all that in and then decide what your plan is for your future?
Then take steps to secure your future. And let him deal with his choices... on his own.
I recommend you slow down, take a deep breath and put first things first. (kicking him off your insurance, telling his parents - none of this is really that important at the moment.) Shelter. Food. A safe, happy place for you and your children to live.
Focus on you and your children. Consider that your husband is never ever ever going to change into who you think he should be. He'll never support his family. He'll never be clean. Never be sober.
Take all that in and then decide what your plan is for your future?
Then take steps to secure your future. And let him deal with his choices... on his own.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I'm sorry to hear about this. I think that somewhere in his mind, he knows he has a problem. Losing your job is serious. Losing your job because of a drug addiction is even more serious. It sounds like he can't "handle" anything without the drugs.
I agree with the others who responded. There is nothing you can do to change him. No amount of punishment, or telling the parents, or anything will make him want to stop. He has to face the consequences of his own actions.
That leaves you with taking care of yourself and your children. What can you do for yourself? Take one step at a time.
I agree with the others who responded. There is nothing you can do to change him. No amount of punishment, or telling the parents, or anything will make him want to stop. He has to face the consequences of his own actions.
That leaves you with taking care of yourself and your children. What can you do for yourself? Take one step at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
I agree with the others as far as telling his parents ... not your responsibility. I wouldn't hide it if you talk to the and they ask, but I don't think you should go out of your way to inform them.
As to your insurance ... if your job and benefits are anything like most, you probably can't take him off your insurance unless it's Open Enrollment period right now. They only allow changes to the insurance during that time of the year, or if a significant change has occurred, such as death, divorce, he got individual insurance that would be primary.
I am relatively new here, so I don't know your past threads about this situation, but you can only control yourself and how you react to situations. And I am learning that it's better to be PRO-active rather than RE-active. My recommendation is to sit down and think about what you want out of life that you can actually control, and then do what you have to do to put that into action.
My RABF and I broke up a couple of weeks ago over me telling his mom that he had relapsed. I *think* I am doing what's best for him, and for his mom since he is staying with her right now, but it wasn't my situation to butt into, and I have realized that. I'm still emotional over our breakup, even though I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that he is not the right type of man for me. I can't help still loving him and I miss him being a regular presence in my life ... although I can't define why.
As much as it angers, frustrates and hurts you, you have to make the decision based on what's best for you and your children.
As to your insurance ... if your job and benefits are anything like most, you probably can't take him off your insurance unless it's Open Enrollment period right now. They only allow changes to the insurance during that time of the year, or if a significant change has occurred, such as death, divorce, he got individual insurance that would be primary.
I am relatively new here, so I don't know your past threads about this situation, but you can only control yourself and how you react to situations. And I am learning that it's better to be PRO-active rather than RE-active. My recommendation is to sit down and think about what you want out of life that you can actually control, and then do what you have to do to put that into action.
My RABF and I broke up a couple of weeks ago over me telling his mom that he had relapsed. I *think* I am doing what's best for him, and for his mom since he is staying with her right now, but it wasn't my situation to butt into, and I have realized that. I'm still emotional over our breakup, even though I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that he is not the right type of man for me. I can't help still loving him and I miss him being a regular presence in my life ... although I can't define why.
As much as it angers, frustrates and hurts you, you have to make the decision based on what's best for you and your children.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
so sorry to read this, please know your not alone, we feel your pain and frustration. take care of yourself and your children and get support from meetings and this forum. as far as insurance, I too have AH on pain pills, he lost his partime job (he is disabled) and through my job has health insurance. I had to keep the insurance going as the house has to be protected if he didnt have insurance, there would be massive leans from medical costs and I would be liable since we arent divorced. I make him pay this premium to me every month. I dont know your personal scenerio , but think about your assets and protect them for yourself and your children.
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