litehorse

I have a 27 year old son who is a meth addict - for about four years I was trying my best to "help" him - he could come home if he would work and make some positive moves for his life - that would last about 3-4 days up to 6 months at one time - almost two years ago he starting shooting meth and was arrested for attempted burglary - on intensive probation and in a sober living community for 6 months then in an apartment in the basement of my dad's house which he was supposed to help renovate and he was working - Went well for about 4 months then he relapsed which he kept "hidden" until early May this year and he spiraled out of control - violated probation - warrent for arrest but before he was picked up for that (or actually he was supposed to turn himself in - long story) he was arrested for burlary and possession - is in jail now awaiting outcome - here's my problem: during the four years of him making the attempts on his own my roommate fought me -saying that she felt frightened for her life (she was the only one that started any drama when he was around - he was always polite and low-key when he was at home - especially with her) she would say very abusive things to me like "you're pathetic", "you can't do anything for yourself, you always have to have someone to cry to" - during this time I was at my wits end as you can imagine - her mother, who had alzhiemers, moved into the house - my mother fell and broke her hip which led to her decline during 10 months that led to her death (very excruciating death) - i am a teacher (very stressful) - my roommate and i bought a 10 acre farm together 5 years ago - 3 horses and 5 dogs - i was left to take care of all of this including repairs, upkeep on farm - cutting grass - all animal care - etc... i realize i made huge mistakes in dealing with this issue with my son - was trying "sane" tactics in an "insane" situation - i realized in my trying to deal with everything that I needed to separate myself from her because that was a truely codependent relationship to the max (another long story) but because we both own this property we have not been able to physically separate - our living areas are separate but still the proximity is far closer than is comfortable - she loves to make little comments that infuriate me but i am trying to not make any kind of response to her as i have no need to fight with her - (by the way our relationship has gone on for 23 years and fighting was always a huge part of it - i know really stupid!!) i have asked to buy her out but she will not agree to that - my family lives next door - i take care of the animals so i need the space - it makes no sense for me to leave (what a mess-right?) i am just trying to stay calm at this point - sorry this is so long - i'm just venting because my dad who does our taxes every year sent her a bill for the last three years because she stopped paying him for some reason - the bill was for $40 dollars per year which is totally fair but she asked why he did that - i say why wouldn't he?

BBD

Hi litehouse, You certainly do have alot on your plate and are a pretty busy lady. With teaching and taking care of the property and such you probably don't have much time to yourself. Your son will take care of himself no matter what you do. So, back away and let him stumble....not your problem. You need to make yourself happy so finding a solution should be your priority right now. The addict in our life is my son. Cocaine was his choice and as soon as I decided enough was enough with me helping him .......he has changed his lifestyle. Rehab and meetings almost every day now. So, there may be light at the end of your tunnel but you must first change the way you do for others. SAD but true. Good luck with the roomate~~~and try some alanon meetings. Counciling also helped me alot... Smiles, Bonnie

Chino

If you haven't contacted an attorney, you'll need to soon for your own sanity.

It's good that you recognize all the codependent behaviors and know something has to change. It's good that you're reaching out and venting, trying to stay calm. Please be sure to reach out to those in the real world who can give hands on help.

litehorse

thank you for the words of encouragement - i talked to my preacher today about a counselor - he is supposed to give me the name and number of someone - i am also going to an alanon meeting tonight - i have given my son's fate over to himself and God -as far as the other situation - i just live my life and ignore whatever she decides to throw my way - i pray for a solution to that but it is really not the biggest issue in my life right now especially if i keep it away