I think I have to briefly break NC
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I think I have to briefly break NC
I had a previous post on here about how I had gotten tested for std's after the breakup with my EXABF, thought I was fine, the doctor's office had called and said everything was negative but I guess one test hadn't come back yet. They called last week to tell me I tested positive for high-risk HPV.
I had just had a pap in January, right before he and I got back together and I was negative at that point, so I guess I got it from him. I haven't been with anyone else since then.
I found out last week and have just been taking some time to wrap my head around it. I know it's a pretty common thing, in fact I have a number of friends that have it. And I know that it's really rare that it actually leads to cancer, but still...even the slight possibility is pretty scary. I have to have a colposcopy on the 30th to check for pre-cancerous lesions or something like that.
So, I feel like I should let him know that he is probably carrying this virus, I feel like that is the right thing to do. I'm not even mad at him, it's not something that would have come up in a test for him, and he does get tested regularly and was honest with me about having Hep C. There is no way he could know that he's carrying the virus unless a past partner told him she tested positive, which is the position I now find myself in.
I guess I'm just going to send him a short email letting him know I have it and that it seems likely I got it from him given the circumstances. I know it's up to him what he does with that information, I can't control whether he tells his future partners they are at risk, that's a decision he gets to make for himself.
I am worried that I'm putting myself at risk for getting roped back in by him. I think one of two things will happen when he gets that email, either he will shut down and just not respond, or he will write back nice things and have lots of apologies and will offer me his support. I'm more worried about the second one, to be honest. I'm feeling a little lonely and fragile right now, having to deal with this on my own and it would probably be easy for me to fall for his charms again. He really is a good guy in a lot of ways, very sensitive and kind, too bad he has this nasty habit of dropping off the face of the earth to go stick needles in his arm.
Anyway, I do feel resolved not to get sucked back in, I know that I see things a lot clearer now than I did before and I know that even if he got clean and started working a program right after we stopped talking (best case scenario, but not likely) then he would still only have about two and half months of clean time under his belt, and that is not nearly enough time for me to feel comfortable allowing him back into my life. I guess the boundary I am setting, which I haven't expressed to him, is that he would have to be clean for a year, and actually working a solid recovery program for that whole time, before I would even consider having any kind of regular contact with him.
So, thoughts? I guess I'm hesitating about doing this because I almost don't trust myself to make the right choices when it comes to him. I feel like I probably have some ulterior motives somewhere in there, though even if that's the case I do still think it's the right thing to do. Does that make sense?
I had just had a pap in January, right before he and I got back together and I was negative at that point, so I guess I got it from him. I haven't been with anyone else since then.
I found out last week and have just been taking some time to wrap my head around it. I know it's a pretty common thing, in fact I have a number of friends that have it. And I know that it's really rare that it actually leads to cancer, but still...even the slight possibility is pretty scary. I have to have a colposcopy on the 30th to check for pre-cancerous lesions or something like that.
So, I feel like I should let him know that he is probably carrying this virus, I feel like that is the right thing to do. I'm not even mad at him, it's not something that would have come up in a test for him, and he does get tested regularly and was honest with me about having Hep C. There is no way he could know that he's carrying the virus unless a past partner told him she tested positive, which is the position I now find myself in.
I guess I'm just going to send him a short email letting him know I have it and that it seems likely I got it from him given the circumstances. I know it's up to him what he does with that information, I can't control whether he tells his future partners they are at risk, that's a decision he gets to make for himself.
I am worried that I'm putting myself at risk for getting roped back in by him. I think one of two things will happen when he gets that email, either he will shut down and just not respond, or he will write back nice things and have lots of apologies and will offer me his support. I'm more worried about the second one, to be honest. I'm feeling a little lonely and fragile right now, having to deal with this on my own and it would probably be easy for me to fall for his charms again. He really is a good guy in a lot of ways, very sensitive and kind, too bad he has this nasty habit of dropping off the face of the earth to go stick needles in his arm.
Anyway, I do feel resolved not to get sucked back in, I know that I see things a lot clearer now than I did before and I know that even if he got clean and started working a program right after we stopped talking (best case scenario, but not likely) then he would still only have about two and half months of clean time under his belt, and that is not nearly enough time for me to feel comfortable allowing him back into my life. I guess the boundary I am setting, which I haven't expressed to him, is that he would have to be clean for a year, and actually working a solid recovery program for that whole time, before I would even consider having any kind of regular contact with him.
So, thoughts? I guess I'm hesitating about doing this because I almost don't trust myself to make the right choices when it comes to him. I feel like I probably have some ulterior motives somewhere in there, though even if that's the case I do still think it's the right thing to do. Does that make sense?
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My 22 year old had the same thing happen a couple of years ago. She had been sexually inactive for about 3 months after a painful breakup with a guy, and gave him a quick call after she was diagnosed. She had no contact after that, and felt she did the right thing.
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Originally Posted by cynical one 
Why can't you give his name to your doctor and let the doctors office contact him?
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Well, I wasn't planning to call him, I definitely don't think talking to him on the phone would be healthy for me. As I said above I would email him, I know he checks his email daily.
To be perfectly honest I have never been very good about 'no glove, no love', not really sure why but I do know it's something that has got to change. But right now I have to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the consequences.
To be perfectly honest I have never been very good about 'no glove, no love', not really sure why but I do know it's something that has got to change. But right now I have to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the consequences.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Sorry if I gave the impression that I was suggesting calling. I was just relating what my daughter did.
I think the letter is a good idea.
I think the letter is a good idea.
Being Silent so I can Hear
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Question: Can anything actually be done by/to him to stop the spread of this virus? Short of always using a condom that is? Which, of course, he should always be doing anyway.
I'm not sure breaking NC is worth telling him he should be safeguarding others and himself, when he already knows that.
My $0.02
I'm not sure breaking NC is worth telling him he should be safeguarding others and himself, when he already knows that.
My $0.02
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Originally Posted by Still Waters
Question: Can anything actually be done by/to him to stop the spread of this virus? Short of always using a condom that is? Which, of course, he should always be doing anyway.
I'm not sure breaking NC is worth telling him he should be safeguarding others and himself, when he already knows that.
My $0.02
I'm not sure breaking NC is worth telling him he should be safeguarding others and himself, when he already knows that.
My $0.02
I think I would always feel guilty about another woman potentially getting cancer because I didn't pass the info on. It's totally possible he won't share this info with future partners, but at least then it's on him and I've done my part.
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I think part of the reason why I'm hesitating about contacting him is because I am actually worried about the possibility of him not responding. That will probably hurt my feelings, as much as I know it's his usual thing and not a reflection on me. I think a very small part of me is still holding onto the idea of 'someday', and if he doesn't respond to this communication then I will be forced to really let go of it once and for all. There is sort of no going back from that.
So, I'm worried he will respond and I'm also worried he won't. Sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, emotionally.
So, I'm worried he will respond and I'm also worried he won't. Sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, emotionally.
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This is from WebMD:
HPV infection is common and does not usually lead to the development of warts, cancers, or even symptoms. In fact, the majority of people infected with HPV have no symptoms or lesions at all. Determination of whether or not a person is infected with HPV involves tests that identify the genetic material (DNA) of the virus. Furthermore, it has not been definitely established whether the immune system is able to permanently clear the body of an HPV infection. In many cases, a person will test positive for HPV [B]infection and then have negative HPV tests for months to years[/B], only to have a positive test result at a later time. It is presently unclear if this is due to a latent (continuing but hidden) viral infection or if the person has become re-infected with the virus.
Hope this helps
HPV infection is common and does not usually lead to the development of warts, cancers, or even symptoms. In fact, the majority of people infected with HPV have no symptoms or lesions at all. Determination of whether or not a person is infected with HPV involves tests that identify the genetic material (DNA) of the virus. Furthermore, it has not been definitely established whether the immune system is able to permanently clear the body of an HPV infection. In many cases, a person will test positive for HPV [B]infection and then have negative HPV tests for months to years[/B], only to have a positive test result at a later time. It is presently unclear if this is due to a latent (continuing but hidden) viral infection or if the person has become re-infected with the virus.
Hope this helps
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Originally Posted by ladyhawk69
This is from WebMD:
HPV infection is common and does not usually lead to the development of warts, cancers, or even symptoms. In fact, the majority of people infected with HPV have no symptoms or lesions at all. Determination of whether or not a person is infected with HPV involves tests that identify the genetic material (DNA) of the virus. Furthermore, it has not been definitely established whether the immune system is able to permanently clear the body of an HPV infection. In many cases, a person will test positive for HPV [B]infection and then have negative HPV tests for months to years[/B], only to have a positive test result at a later time. It is presently unclear if this is due to a latent (continuing but hidden) viral infection or if the person has become re-infected with the virus.
Hope this helps
HPV infection is common and does not usually lead to the development of warts, cancers, or even symptoms. In fact, the majority of people infected with HPV have no symptoms or lesions at all. Determination of whether or not a person is infected with HPV involves tests that identify the genetic material (DNA) of the virus. Furthermore, it has not been definitely established whether the immune system is able to permanently clear the body of an HPV infection. In many cases, a person will test positive for HPV [B]infection and then have negative HPV tests for months to years[/B], only to have a positive test result at a later time. It is presently unclear if this is due to a latent (continuing but hidden) viral infection or if the person has become re-infected with the virus.
Hope this helps
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I wouldn't try and interpret this positive result; I would leave that to my doc, and discuss any questions I had with him/her.
I guess I think that alerting him to your positive test result would probably not accomplish anything, UNLESS you feel pretty sure that it would alter his future sexual behaviors. You know him - is he responsible about these things, is he careless, cavalier, is he sensitive and communicative with his partners?
I thought we all expose ourselves to the HPV virus every single time we have intercourse -- I thought this was the reason for the vaccine. I must be missing something with your particular case.
This is my concern, Beantown:
That you contacting him is setting yourself up for another dissapointment. Even if you tell yourself you have no expectation, nor do you want him to respond to the news, deep inside you would hope for it. If you get a response, you're exposing yourself to him and his charms, or his crap. If you do not get one, you're again feeling rejected by him.
I would probably weigh this for at least a little while longer before deciding. Sometimes we react and if we would have waited for the intensity of the feelings to subside, we would make more sound decisions.
I guess I think that alerting him to your positive test result would probably not accomplish anything, UNLESS you feel pretty sure that it would alter his future sexual behaviors. You know him - is he responsible about these things, is he careless, cavalier, is he sensitive and communicative with his partners?
I thought we all expose ourselves to the HPV virus every single time we have intercourse -- I thought this was the reason for the vaccine. I must be missing something with your particular case.
This is my concern, Beantown:
That you contacting him is setting yourself up for another dissapointment. Even if you tell yourself you have no expectation, nor do you want him to respond to the news, deep inside you would hope for it. If you get a response, you're exposing yourself to him and his charms, or his crap. If you do not get one, you're again feeling rejected by him.
I would probably weigh this for at least a little while longer before deciding. Sometimes we react and if we would have waited for the intensity of the feelings to subside, we would make more sound decisions.
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Originally Posted by coffeedrinker
This is my concern, Beantown:
That you contacting him is setting yourself up for another dissapointment. Even if you tell yourself you have no expectation, nor do you want him to respond to the news, deep inside you would hope for it. If you get a response, you're exposing yourself to him and his charms, or his crap. If you do not get one, you're again feeling rejected by him.
If I were you I'd either nix the letter idea all together or write and immediately delete any reply without reading it.
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I think I will wait on this a bit, I'm dealing with a lot right now and this can probably be something to be shelved until I'm on more stable ground. I'll reassess how I feel in two weeks and take it from there.
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I'm not even mad at him, it's not something that would have come up in a test for him, and he does get tested regularly and was honest with me about having Hep C. There is no way he could know that he's carrying the virus unless a past partner told him she tested positive, which is the position I now find myself in.
My point being yes, men can have negative and then positive results. I had a friend that went in for a vasectomy and found out HE had HPV.
I'm just saying, he could have had it before and not known it. It's eventually your choice whether you tell him or not. I'd be more concerned about the HEP C.
Good Luck to you and God bless!
My point being yes, men can have negative and then positive results. I had a friend that went in for a vasectomy and found out HE had HPV.
I'm just saying, he could have had it before and not known it. It's eventually your choice whether you tell him or not. I'd be more concerned about the HEP C.
Good Luck to you and God bless!
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Originally Posted by coffeedrinker
I thought we all expose ourselves to the HPV virus every single time we have intercourse -- I thought this was the reason for the vaccine. I must be missing something with your particular case.
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Originally Posted by ladyhawk69
My point being yes, men can have negative and then positive results. I had a friend that went in for a vasectomy and found out HE had HPV.
I'm just saying, he could have had it before and not known it. It's eventually your choice whether you tell him or not. I'd be more concerned about the HEP C.
Good Luck to you and God bless!
I'm just saying, he could have had it before and not known it. It's eventually your choice whether you tell him or not. I'd be more concerned about the HEP C.
Good Luck to you and God bless!
Yes, the Hep C was a concern as well, I tested negative for that which is a relief. But I knew about that going into it and did a lot of research, most of which said that it is very rarely transmitted through sex. So I made my own choice on that one, based on the knowledge I had. I'm not saying it was the 'right' choice, but it's the one I made.
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