The End of Fighting for Custody
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 75
Hi Lisa. I am not familiar with your posts here on SR, nonetheless, I wanted to let you know how truly sorry I am. It is incredibly hard when God takes our loved ones when all we have prayed for is his healing. It doesn't seem fair. I'm thankful you are finding moments of peace. God bless you and your family, your niece especially. From my own experiences, I know that time heals wounds. I lost my mother when I was 11. It would have been wonderful to hear some happy stories about her. What great advice, it's a pretty wonderful gift you can give your niece.
Take care.
Claudia
Take care.
Claudia
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Lisa - I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. I have read your thread for a long time, before I registered here. I am sorry for you and the little girl you take care of.
Just a suggestion - have you thought of putting a memory book or box together that you can keep. Perhaps things that were special, places you visited, happy times before the disease really took hold........Might be a focus for you in the days, weeks or months ahead. Maybe you could revisit these places and remember in your new family unit.
I also wanted to say how much I admire you. Not many could do what you have done.
Lots of love
xx
Just a suggestion - have you thought of putting a memory book or box together that you can keep. Perhaps things that were special, places you visited, happy times before the disease really took hold........Might be a focus for you in the days, weeks or months ahead. Maybe you could revisit these places and remember in your new family unit.
I also wanted to say how much I admire you. Not many could do what you have done.
Lots of love
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Always so thankful, so appreciative of people here who truly understand what this is like. Your notes, your suggestions, your ideas, your hugs... they are all registered in my heart.
We ventured back into the Real World on Thursday after three days of reclusiveness. I think we needed those days to pull our circle tight, and now we need to deal. I have been touched by how kind people are, how good my niece's friends have been to her in pulling her back into her social circle and making her feel secure there... and by how sweet my students have been, giving me hugs and bug-covered flowers from their gardens. Sweethearts. It's hard being back in the Real World so soon, but it's harder being at home with the emptiness.
I'm impressed more than ever at my niece's ability to cope with what the world brings her. After a lot of rough years I'm humbly asking the universe to give her a break for a few years now and let her have some smooth sailing....
We ventured back into the Real World on Thursday after three days of reclusiveness. I think we needed those days to pull our circle tight, and now we need to deal. I have been touched by how kind people are, how good my niece's friends have been to her in pulling her back into her social circle and making her feel secure there... and by how sweet my students have been, giving me hugs and bug-covered flowers from their gardens. Sweethearts. It's hard being back in the Real World so soon, but it's harder being at home with the emptiness.
I'm impressed more than ever at my niece's ability to cope with what the world brings her. After a lot of rough years I'm humbly asking the universe to give her a break for a few years now and let her have some smooth sailing....
Hoping and praying for a bit of smooth sailing for all of you.Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by SistersHelp 
I'm humbly asking the universe to give her a break for a few years now and let her have some smooth sailing....
It has a picture of a sailboat on one side and says, "We cannot control the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails."
I'm glad your niece has such a strong support network, including her friends. I got teary-eyed reading about the flowers your students are bringing you. What wonderful gifts God gives to us, through people, even in the most difficult of times.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lisa)) - I, too, think the flowers are so sweet. Your students love you, and I'm sure they are hurting for you, but how great to get back to "real life", surrounded by young people who care so much.
Brit and I went to a concert, last night, and on the way back I was telling her about what was going on with you and your niece...how you and I got to "know" each other, etc. We talked about her dad, and the possibility that he, too, may die someday from his addiction. I asked her if there was anything I, or anyone else, could have done different in making her grief any less.
She said "no, you can't bring my mama back, you can't made my daddy do right, but you're always there for me, and that's what I need". She DID say that I was right...hearing the "good stuff", even what little there is about her dad, does help.
Not trying to hijack your thread with MY stuff, but the conversation was actually about YOU I just wanted you to know what HER feelings were on how we've handled things. I think your niece is a lot like Brit..if she doesn't like something, isn't in "the mood" to talk, she'll let you know. I take advantages of the times she DOES want to talk, and believe me, they come at the strangest of times, sometimes
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
Brit and I went to a concert, last night, and on the way back I was telling her about what was going on with you and your niece...how you and I got to "know" each other, etc. We talked about her dad, and the possibility that he, too, may die someday from his addiction. I asked her if there was anything I, or anyone else, could have done different in making her grief any less.
She said "no, you can't bring my mama back, you can't made my daddy do right, but you're always there for me, and that's what I need". She DID say that I was right...hearing the "good stuff", even what little there is about her dad, does help.
Not trying to hijack your thread with MY stuff, but the conversation was actually about YOU
I just wanted you to know what HER feelings were on how we've handled things. I think your niece is a lot like Brit..if she doesn't like something, isn't in "the mood" to talk, she'll let you know. I take advantages of the times she DOES want to talk, and believe me, they come at the strangest of times, sometimesLove, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Hey there sister,
I haven't been on in a while, and just heard. I sit here in tears, tissues in hand (boy I felt this one). I guess it wasn't a matter of if with your sister it was when.
okay.....more tears.
I'm thankful your niece made it to you as early as she did.
You all have been through a lot. I hope you all will recover from this bad trip, and go on a good vacation now.
Huggs,
NH7
I haven't been on in a while, and just heard. I sit here in tears, tissues in hand (boy I felt this one). I guess it wasn't a matter of if with your sister it was when.
And her process makes mine easier on me, amazingly. She helps me get in touch with my own grief, makes me talk about it, and helps me process it as I help her process her own. She is a blessing to me. I cry with her openly. We hold each other. My sweet husband, who never really knew my sister, takes care of the dishes and the laundry so we can deal with our grief together. I'm so lucky to have these people in my life.
I'm thankful your niece made it to you as early as she did.You all have been through a lot. I hope you all will recover from this bad trip, and go on a good vacation now.
Huggs,
NH7
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Thank you all.
I'm struck by how inconvenient grief is. A couple of better days... then for some reason a really hard one. Don't want to cry at work, don't want to read my psych textbook for my course that talks about all the various ways to treat the problems my sister died of... No effective treatment for her. Don't want to do anything.
Then I come home and my niece is there having a better day... and that makes me feel like we'll be okay after all.
I'm struck by how inconvenient grief is. A couple of better days... then for some reason a really hard one. Don't want to cry at work, don't want to read my psych textbook for my course that talks about all the various ways to treat the problems my sister died of... No effective treatment for her. Don't want to do anything.
Then I come home and my niece is there having a better day... and that makes me feel like we'll be okay after all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
It's been a painful road for you all. I wouldn't want to be a child growing up and others asking "oh, how did your mother die?" .... Having to say an overdose is heartbreaking....this will be the hard part I believe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
I'm very grateful that she has a group of friends who are supportive, very sweet and innocent, really, for high school girls. Maybe because she needs some innocence back in her life she gravitates toward this crowd ... and I know she's the opposite of so many kids who rebel in their pain.
We had a rough night last night. She woke me up at 2:30 in the morning sobbing... and she hadn't even managed to fall asleep yet. I'm so glad she knows she can wake me up if she needs to, that she lets me hold her when she's crying. When I was her age I do not think I was so receptive to comforting. She really has a wide open heart and I'm pouring as much love in as I can at every opportunity.
Three more days left in my school year and then I can be home with her for the summer, focusing on doing some things to lift our spirits and take good care of ourselves.
We had a rough night last night. She woke me up at 2:30 in the morning sobbing... and she hadn't even managed to fall asleep yet. I'm so glad she knows she can wake me up if she needs to, that she lets me hold her when she's crying. When I was her age I do not think I was so receptive to comforting. She really has a wide open heart and I'm pouring as much love in as I can at every opportunity.
Three more days left in my school year and then I can be home with her for the summer, focusing on doing some things to lift our spirits and take good care of ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Lisa))) - this is a HUGE compliment to you...that she feels safe and comfortable with you to let her feelings show. It's been a long hard road for her to get to where she is, but I see a young lady showing NORMAL reactions to a tragic situation and that is HUGE, considering what you've all been through.
I'm so glad you can spend the summer together, that she has friends to hang around with and that she is finally in a safe and secure place, surrounded by love. You're all going to have som hard times ahead, when that grief just seems to overwhelm you, but you will get through it and the bond you already have, will only grow stronger.
Love, hugs, prayers!
Amy
I'm so glad you can spend the summer together, that she has friends to hang around with and that she is finally in a safe and secure place, surrounded by love. You're all going to have som hard times ahead, when that grief just seems to overwhelm you, but you will get through it and the bond you already have, will only grow stronger.
Love, hugs, prayers!
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
just adding my prayers and thoughts to this list of your "friends"
asking for your HP to continue to give you the strength, courage and wisdom that you have already shown as you have walked this path these past few years~
BIG HUGS to you & your family!
Rita
asking for your HP to continue to give you the strength, courage and wisdom that you have already shown as you have walked this path these past few years~
BIG HUGS to you & your family!
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Thank you Amy, Rita, and Jewelz, and everyone here,
It's amazing, isn't it, how our "virtual" friends can, in spite of distance, make us feel understood and cared for in so many important ways. Your kind words here mean a lot to me. In the "real" world there are so many people who do not know what to say when they hear about this kind of loss. A lot of people say nothing. They pretend it didn't happen.
And some people stumble all over themselves trying to say the right thing. I appreciate those attempts people make, because I know they care.
But most of all I appreciate the words here because I know they come from people who understand in ways that most of the world does not how this kind of loss aches and how it comes with so many mixed feelings because there has already been so much mourning for the loss of this life long before the actual time of death. You are my people, you know what I mean.
My niece is doing better the last couple of days again. So am I. We're both tired, heavy tired, which I'm sure is a physical symptom of the emotional draining. I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon and dreamed I was visiting my sister in prison, feeling happy. I felt happy in the dream because there were many times I wished my sister would be incarcerated because I hoped it might force her to stop. I know, when I'm awake, that this wouldn't have been a solution. My mind is still working on it, obviously. But we're okay.
My niece, as I write this, is at her computer right near mine. And she's humming. She sounds like she's happy right now. I'm trying to check in with her a lot without smothering her.
We talked to her about formal adoption and she wants us to go forward with it. That way she will have all the same legal rights a biological child is entitled to. We want her to have that.
It's amazing, isn't it, how our "virtual" friends can, in spite of distance, make us feel understood and cared for in so many important ways. Your kind words here mean a lot to me. In the "real" world there are so many people who do not know what to say when they hear about this kind of loss. A lot of people say nothing. They pretend it didn't happen.
And some people stumble all over themselves trying to say the right thing. I appreciate those attempts people make, because I know they care.
But most of all I appreciate the words here because I know they come from people who understand in ways that most of the world does not how this kind of loss aches and how it comes with so many mixed feelings because there has already been so much mourning for the loss of this life long before the actual time of death. You are my people, you know what I mean.
My niece is doing better the last couple of days again. So am I. We're both tired, heavy tired, which I'm sure is a physical symptom of the emotional draining. I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon and dreamed I was visiting my sister in prison, feeling happy. I felt happy in the dream because there were many times I wished my sister would be incarcerated because I hoped it might force her to stop. I know, when I'm awake, that this wouldn't have been a solution. My mind is still working on it, obviously. But we're okay.
My niece, as I write this, is at her computer right near mine. And she's humming. She sounds like she's happy right now. I'm trying to check in with her a lot without smothering her.
We talked to her about formal adoption and she wants us to go forward with it. That way she will have all the same legal rights a biological child is entitled to. We want her to have that.
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