Sammypoo456

This morning my boyfriend left to head to NC for a 65-day faith based program. So i have already lost faith because after 3 years of hoping someone gets sober and they never do, really what can you do. He says he wants this, but i think what if he is just saying it and then i think what if this doesn't work this time. I know i will have to leave, but i want him to be sober so bad. He used to be so smart and just a great guy all around. But we all say that and it seems like even when they get sober they never are the person they used to be and there will always be battles down the road. My strength is gone, he wants me to stay so i can help him through this and talk to him about it and go to meetings, and he wants me and my son around. But i really don't think i can take any more stress and heartache

hello-kitty

Sammy just because he goes to a program doesn't mean you have to stay in an unhappy relationship that lacks trust.

And going to a program is no guarantee of recovery.

But at least you'll get a break from the insanity of living with addiction for the next 65 days. This gives you time to work your own program of recovery! Have you looked into alanon meetings in your area yet?

I really think the support will give you hope for your future.

Bring your baby and just sit and listen. You can always leave if he/she becomes fussy.

sojourner

All i can do is encourage you to keep coming back here. We are all about helping you (and each other) in this whole thing. Whether you post or not, you will benefit from coming here no matter what is going on with your boyfriend.

Welcome to SR!!

Sammypoo456

Well he has been tryin to get in this program and they just called yesterday and said a bed opened up and the rehab is just one state away, but i know i need to worry about me and the baby. And trust me ANVIL i'm not hopeful at all. i lost all my faith in this boy and i couldn't possibly begin to tell you why i have stayed. All i know is he wanted this help and all i know to do is wait it out and see if he can do it. I am young and my mother was an addict all my life and i left and after losing all her kids she finally got sober actually on two months ago, so that is also a waiting game. I really do not know what to do??

hello-kitty

What do you want to do?

I suggest taking care of first things first. Do you work? Do you have a place to live WITHOUT him in the picture? Do you have food on the table? Do you have any friends you can talk to that might help you start moving forward?

Do you have any personal goals that you should be working towards right now?

I too am a single mom. My ex is a crack addict and not in the picture at this time. I just have to keep moving forward. I take care of my basic needs and my son's needs. I focus on living one day at a time. And no matter how bleak things are I try not to worry about the future. I set goals for myself and then I take baby steps to fulfilling them. I avoid having ANY contact with my son's father as it sets me WAY BACK in my personal recovery.

Are you in a place that you can start doing these things?

You haven't responded to anyone's inquiries about working your own recovery. I think you should consider that it is very important to do this, or you may not be able to move forward in your life. You need to get better too. It's not his problem. It's yours.

Sammypoo456

thank you.. that was a nice quote

Sammypoo456

I know its my problem to. He has definately changed me as a person. I use to be strong and just full of life and now i'm not.

and while he is away yes i have a house to live at, and right now were broke, but i made sure my son has everythin he needs and thats all i care about. I do work and i do go to college, right now were on summer break so i think him goin away actually is perfect timing for me to work on myself. But i still find it hard to do that. When my boyfriend went to his detox a week ago or so, all i did was worry about my son. There was really still no me time. My baby is so happy and i want him to stay that way. I know personally living with my addict mom was hell!!! She was violent mean and then when she got her drug would nodd out and not be there. and i don't want my son to go through that. and my father is also and alcholic but has been sober for a little over a year now. So my son definately has the gene's of an addict. I thank god for my son cause if i didnt get pregnant when i did i would have gone down the same road as the rest of them. I need meetings and i need to get back in my therapy. I know what i want but i am starting to believe that we dont always get what we want. In this two months of him being away i really want to fix myself. Get a clear head without all the stress from my bf doin drugs. When he gets back will be the real test.

I pray he stays sober but if not i will pack my things and take my son with me. I enabled alot by staying and by saying im leavin but never having the courage to walk out. I felt like if i was there and he overdosed i could save him or when i was around he didnt use as often or as much, or maybe if i go with him every where he cant get his drug, but truth was i feel like i made it worse. We argued alot and i feel like i might be one of his triggers

dollydo

You are not responsible to "save him" and you do not have the power to do so. He is an addict because he wants/needs the drug(s), and, that has been his priorty. Not you, not his child, it was DRUGS.

A addict will be an addict all their life, it is just a matter of whether they are active or not. There is no cure for addiction.

While he is gone, get to those meetings, refind you, plan for you and your child's future, with or without him.

Christen

I have only one point to make darling. You have 65 days to take care of YOU. You need nar anon or al anon ASAP. The sooner you go, the better. Just go. Bite the bullet.

Sammypoo456

i really will go to the meetings.. just talkin up here makes me feel so much better so i believe those meetings will be great.. I'm ready to start fixin myself and i think that will be the best thing for my son..

Thanks for all the help

BBD

At meetings you'll meet real live people with faces you can look into and get the help you need. Believe me when I say that is one of the things that saved me...Good luck hon. You have time to change yourself now.....so go do it!