gotahavfaith

Hello everyone.

I could really use some input on my situation. As some of you may remember I have and AD and 2 grandsons ages 3 & 6, that have lived with me off and on. Mostly on. We have been riding this roller coaster for a LONG time.

My AD had been trying to find an inpatient treatment program for a couple of months. Those months were really bad and took a big toll on this family. Her and I were both crazy. She went in the hospital for detox from Suboxone in April. She was also using Oxys off and on, whichever one she could. The subs were no longer being used as a tool for recovery, along with a recovery program. They had become just another drug to take, with the same addictive behavior. 5 days in detox was not enough.

After 5 long years I was done. Yes I had been to meetings, read literature, talked to parents of drug addicts, came here to SR. It is what has kept me sane. It took 5 years to get here. All I can say is that I must be a REALLY slow learner.

I just couldn't live like that anymore. I waived my white flag, I surrendered completly. I quit. I didn't want to play anymore. GAME OVER. I can't fix my daughter.

She went back to detox after finding this treatment program, and has been there 30 days. It is a six month program and she NEEDS everybit of it. She lucked (maybe HP stepped in) into a great program.

All I could think about when I dropped her off was how fast she could get out of the car and I could drive off. I have the 2 boys, ages 3 & 6. And for the most part has been really peaceful. No drama. No BS. It sure is exhausting tho.

We have had limited contact for this time period. I will be visiting her for 2 hours tomorrow. I am taking this 6 month period to try and get well also. I am never going back to the way things were. I am a little nervous about the visit tomorrow. Any suggestions on how to get thru this visit. I don't really know what to say, I want to support her but I also do not want tangled up in her problems anymore. Sorry this is so long, but if you have any input I would appreciate hearing about it.

Thanks for reading.

Gotahavfaith

Taking5

You really don't have to go. It is her recovery. She does not need your support or visit to recover.

Ann

You don't have to go, is right, and if you are uncomfortable then it's okay to stay home.

If you do choose to go, maybe have an exit plan in place in case it isn't going well. 2 hours can fly by if the visit is going well, but it can be an eternity if things are not good.

Don't be surprised if she wants to leave. I'm not sure how long she has been there, but it's not unusual for them to want to leave in the first few weeks. Just don't buy into any "stories", no rehab locks anyone in and if they were as bad as some say (when trying to manipulate us) then they could just walk.

Decide what is right for you. Maybe one hour is enough, maybe half an hour or just staying home...you get to choose.

Hugs

Kelrunran

I have an AS and he was in rehab and has now relapsed. However, we (my husband and I) religiously visited him every visitation day. Not only that, we continued to enable him by taking him stuff he requested like gum etc. In retrospect and after reading a book about addiction it would have been best to just let him be. I'm starting to firmly believe that they need to figure this whole thing out without much contact from family. If they can manage to get through the process then maybe they will have REALLY given sobriety some thought. It really is all about them - not about what the family wants. They have to be able to handle their sobriety on their own once they are out of rehab.

I do feel for you as I believe my son went to rehab because my husband and I hit our bottoms, but he never hit his. We haven't heard from him in months but I know my Higher Power is in charge. He will have to come to terms with himself. I have hope! You make whatever decision is right for you but DON'T feel guilty if you choose to stay home and enjoy some peace for a while. I'm happy to hear you go to meetings as they have really helped me. Keep taking good care and share your love with your grandkids - it is about you and them, not about your AD.

gotahavfaith

Thank you all for your input. I think if it was just me, I would not go. But her children really want to see their mommy, so I feel like I have to do this for them. Any interaction with her seems to always be about drama, lies, manipulation, and bs, that I am maybe projecting what will happen and how to best manage it. Well, we will soon find out as I am getting ready to go.

Gotahavfaith

Flippingyrl

My fiance was an addict for a little over a year. He voluntarily went into a rehab program that was for 60 days. He was allowed visits on Sundays from 12 - 3. In the beginning, I wasn't sure if it would help him for me to visit. I went back and forth for a little while. I ended up visiting him and taking our 4 year old son to see him. After the first week, he said that he just sat in his room crying realizing that our "walk away" could be permanent if he didn't make changes. In the end, I think our visits did help him. His recovery is still in its beginning stages, so I can only wait to see what happens...

I wish you luck!