Hello to my old friends
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Hello to my old friends
I do apologize for disappearing but wanted to let you all know that I am well and i wanted to explain why i slipped away.
For so long i have worked on my codie behavior - first with SOs and then with my AS. I was saying all the right things out loud but i was still obsessed with my AS's problems. This site was a lifesaver for me during a terrible time and i love all of you that helped me through but at some point i realized that i was still 100% focused on him. All my conversations were about him and i got to the point that i was fed up with my sole focus being about AS and his problems. I didnt even want to hear myself rehash it all over again. So I think i finally truly detached from it - not just in my actions and my words but in my thoughts.
AS came home at chirstmas and we had a couple of good months for which i'm thankful because it did help to heal some of the pain. Of course, he's not done and was arrested for stealing a car - his gf bailed him out after he spent a month in jail and he's still got to face court for six felonies - he'll be doing this on his own. He came home and within a month landed in ICU for a week - using and not taking care of his diabetes. there was no sympathy or tears or doting - i just explained to him that i was done - this was it - he stopped or left it was his choice. the day after he got out of the hospital he came home so messed up he couldnt even speak. So that was that - he agreed to move out and i let him. i havent looked back or missed him one bit and he knows that this time its final so he's not asking for anything from me.
Its different when your thoughts change - its easier - there's no guilt. you always will worry about them but you know to your core that there really is nothing to be done and that its their life. I finally got to the point that i said i want a life again - I want to laugh and love and experience the joys of living again and i cant do that while you are in my home. He is my son but he doesnt own my life. I have met a wonderful man that has reminded me how much fun life can be. My life is simple now but it is full of love and laughter. Some days i laugh till i cry and i cannot tell you how wonderful it is to cry from joy after all those years of crying from pain.
For so long i have worked on my codie behavior - first with SOs and then with my AS. I was saying all the right things out loud but i was still obsessed with my AS's problems. This site was a lifesaver for me during a terrible time and i love all of you that helped me through but at some point i realized that i was still 100% focused on him. All my conversations were about him and i got to the point that i was fed up with my sole focus being about AS and his problems. I didnt even want to hear myself rehash it all over again. So I think i finally truly detached from it - not just in my actions and my words but in my thoughts.
AS came home at chirstmas and we had a couple of good months for which i'm thankful because it did help to heal some of the pain. Of course, he's not done and was arrested for stealing a car - his gf bailed him out after he spent a month in jail and he's still got to face court for six felonies - he'll be doing this on his own. He came home and within a month landed in ICU for a week - using and not taking care of his diabetes. there was no sympathy or tears or doting - i just explained to him that i was done - this was it - he stopped or left it was his choice. the day after he got out of the hospital he came home so messed up he couldnt even speak. So that was that - he agreed to move out and i let him. i havent looked back or missed him one bit and he knows that this time its final so he's not asking for anything from me.
Its different when your thoughts change - its easier - there's no guilt. you always will worry about them but you know to your core that there really is nothing to be done and that its their life. I finally got to the point that i said i want a life again - I want to laugh and love and experience the joys of living again and i cant do that while you are in my home. He is my son but he doesnt own my life. I have met a wonderful man that has reminded me how much fun life can be. My life is simple now but it is full of love and laughter. Some days i laugh till i cry and i cannot tell you how wonderful it is to cry from joy after all those years of crying from pain.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Winnie :ghug3
I know what you mean about trying to detach and then one day you're just "there". I think it's about acceptance....accepting that they are addicts and accepting that we can't do a darn thing about it.
I just wrote on another thread here that trying to control anyone's else's addiction is like trying to stop a runaway train by standing on the tracks waving directions...sooner or later you will be one with the tracks.
Even us mamas have to get off those tracks. I'm glad you finally did, it took me a long time too.
And I am so happy for you that your life today is filled with joy and peace and love. Funny how that happens when we start taking care of ourselves.
Welcome back hugs
I know what you mean about trying to detach and then one day you're just "there". I think it's about acceptance....accepting that they are addicts and accepting that we can't do a darn thing about it.
I just wrote on another thread here that trying to control anyone's else's addiction is like trying to stop a runaway train by standing on the tracks waving directions...sooner or later you will be one with the tracks.
Even us mamas have to get off those tracks. I'm glad you finally did, it took me a long time too.
And I am so happy for you that your life today is filled with joy and peace and love. Funny how that happens when we start taking care of ourselves.
Welcome back hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hey (((Winnie)))
Its SO great to hear from you.
I have had to step away more than once, because it kept things in my head too long. it took me longer than you to realise I was so caught up in AS's life that I forgot how to live my own. It actually got to the point that other very good personal relationships began to suffer.
AS has been out of my home a few months now, and I am not in distress. I am happy and more content than I have been in a long time. Sometimes I have my days, but I bounce back rather quickly.
Stick around and tell us more about this very nice man you speak of
Its SO great to hear from you.
I have had to step away more than once, because it kept things in my head too long. it took me longer than you to realise I was so caught up in AS's life that I forgot how to live my own. It actually got to the point that other very good personal relationships began to suffer.
AS has been out of my home a few months now, and I am not in distress. I am happy and more content than I have been in a long time. Sometimes I have my days, but I bounce back rather quickly.
Stick around and tell us more about this very nice man you speak of
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
How awesome to sit down in front of the computer this morning and see you posting! I'm so happy to see you!
It is easier when your thoughts change. When I visited AD the last time she was in jail, I walked out knowing there was nothing left to do. It is her life.
How is your daughter doing? Is she out of school yet for the summer? The kids are out here, and I had my 14 year old granddaughter last weekend.
It is easier when your thoughts change. When I visited AD the last time she was in jail, I walked out knowing there was nothing left to do. It is her life.
How is your daughter doing? Is she out of school yet for the summer? The kids are out here, and I had my 14 year old granddaughter last weekend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
My daughter is doing great. She was pretty tired of all the drama so was very happy when he left - even though she did say "you better not let him come back again." We have a great life together now - no drama - just peaceful living. i know we'll have problems in our life but at least they arent self-created anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
All my conversations were about him and i got to the point that i was fed up with my sole focus being about AS and his problems.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Winnie~ Good hearing from you. Its nice to see your happy and taking care of yourself. Thats the way its suppose to be. The feeling of freedom to be happy and enjoy must be so uplifting. Thanks for sharing whats going on in your life...and good luck with the new guy!! Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Winnie))) I have been thinking about you SOOOOO much, and was hoping that the silence meant you were doing well, and enjoying your life!! I'm so very, very happy for you!!
I no longer work up by you...a lawsuit to workmen's comp took care of THAT job and I'm working closer to home, but if you ever want to get together and just do "girlie" stuff, let me know...I would LOVE it!! Having a "normal and fun" lunch or dinner, some time (if you ever get a chance) would be awesome...I really, really miss you
Thanks for checking in, sweetie. You just made my day!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I no longer work up by you...a lawsuit to workmen's comp took care of THAT job and I'm working closer to home, but if you ever want to get together and just do "girlie" stuff, let me know...I would LOVE it!! Having a "normal and fun" lunch or dinner, some time (if you ever get a chance) would be awesome...I really, really miss you
Thanks for checking in, sweetie. You just made my day!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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