Any advice?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 22
Any advice?
Is there any way i should treat my boyfriend who is an addict and is 3 months clean differently? Is he suppose to be treating me differently? Or is this relationship suppose to i guess you could normal as to somone who wasnt with an addict? If that makes any sense..
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
No, he is the addict, if he is in recovery he is supposed to change. Is he working a program of recovery?
What about you, what are you doing for him that you would do differently if he had never used drugs or alcohol?
What about you, what are you doing for him that you would do differently if he had never used drugs or alcohol?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 22
Yeah he was at a rehab in flordia for 2 months and after June is over he will be 4 months clean. He tries to go to NA meetings every night and is doing good.
He acts more controling now though and minipulative.
Hes 24 and im 18, im a senior in highschool and about to graduate. I stopped all my partying for him. And i also stopped being around my friends because they all party/drink. But my girlfriends are going to the shore after graduation for a week and invited me. I want to go but hes not happy about it at all. He doesnt want me to drink hes say i wouldnt if i cared about him.
I told him when he got home from the rehab i wouldnt drink or party at all to help him. But i just want to be able to go down the shore to celebrate with friends. Is it wrong that i told him one thing but now going to do another just for a week? i mean when i get back yeah im not going to drink or party and still help him. But i just want to go away for the week to celebrate graduation.
Hes very angry and is not having it and thinks im wrong. Many people on here told me i wasnt wrong but im just still so confused.
He acts more controling now though and minipulative.
Hes 24 and im 18, im a senior in highschool and about to graduate. I stopped all my partying for him. And i also stopped being around my friends because they all party/drink. But my girlfriends are going to the shore after graduation for a week and invited me. I want to go but hes not happy about it at all. He doesnt want me to drink hes say i wouldnt if i cared about him.
I told him when he got home from the rehab i wouldnt drink or party at all to help him. But i just want to be able to go down the shore to celebrate with friends. Is it wrong that i told him one thing but now going to do another just for a week? i mean when i get back yeah im not going to drink or party and still help him. But i just want to go away for the week to celebrate graduation.
Hes very angry and is not having it and thinks im wrong. Many people on here told me i wasnt wrong but im just still so confused.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
There is no one or two sentences to answer your question.
1. If he came out of treatment and there aren't some substantial differences, that's probably not a good sign.
That would be in the "he's supposed to treat you different" category
2. You too need to learn to relate differently than you did in the past, if he is different. The dynamics of the relationship change, and if only one partner changes, it won't be an effective relationship. That's the "you need to react/treat him different" category.
But, again, it's complicated.
I would suggest you do some reading, and keep posting your questions.
Have you thought of going to Alanon? That's where you belong, just as he belongs in some kind of aftercare, AA or NA, or something for support for him. You two guys need DIFFERENT kinds of support, however. Your guy seems to think that you don't need outsiders very much in your life. If this is true, he didn't "get" a big part of the teaching in rehab.
1. If he came out of treatment and there aren't some substantial differences, that's probably not a good sign.
That would be in the "he's supposed to treat you different" category
2. You too need to learn to relate differently than you did in the past, if he is different. The dynamics of the relationship change, and if only one partner changes, it won't be an effective relationship. That's the "you need to react/treat him different" category.
But, again, it's complicated.
I would suggest you do some reading, and keep posting your questions.
Have you thought of going to Alanon? That's where you belong, just as he belongs in some kind of aftercare, AA or NA, or something for support for him. You two guys need DIFFERENT kinds of support, however. Your guy seems to think that you don't need outsiders very much in your life. If this is true, he didn't "get" a big part of the teaching in rehab.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
It sounds like your BF is depending on your sobriety for his. If that's the only way he can maintain sobriety, recovery, and a relationship right now, then it's the right thing for him.
It sounds like you've given up just about everything and everyone for him, and it's not the right fit for YOU. You have to do what is right for YOU, just like he does.
Alanon and Alateen are excellent suggestions.
It sounds like you've given up just about everything and everyone for him, and it's not the right fit for YOU. You have to do what is right for YOU, just like he does.
Alanon and Alateen are excellent suggestions.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by dgillz 
Narcanon is also out there but not as common. I would guess you would be welcomed at either fellowship.
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