krizlo

so i go to this legal advice forum to ask questions as to what might happen to my husband in his legal troubles (the dui, possession charge, etc).. wow. why do they treat ME like i am nothing but pure trash? i agree that he has made his bed and has to lie in it, but still - they have such mean ways of telling you things, then don't even offer to tell you the possible outcomes! has anyone else had to deal with this? i feel like i am being frowned upon just because i am involved with someone who has problems. why can't people be more understanding?

sorry about that. i had to get it off my chest.

krizlo

truthfully, i just don't like how they seemed to have an attitude about everything i said, as if i was the one who was in the trouble, ya know? i was just asking questions and hoping to get a little more info as to what normally happens with people in his situation. bleh.

right now, i am not doing anything to help him. the only reason i will take him to work and back is because i need the money to get by on until i can find another way. he is still in the psych ward so nothing (and i mean NOTHING) is coming in moneywise. i'm just trying to take care of the kids and myself the best way i know how.

i just can't believe he went and did something like this. this is the first time he has ever been in any kind of trouble. we were doing so good too.

oh well, he knows that after this, if he does ONE more thing to disrupt order in my house, he will NOT be coming back here - ever. i told him he has things he needs to work on and by working on these things and truly wanting to overcome this, he will have his family back.

krizlo

well he was on drugs before.. worse off than he was when we met. he had never been in trouble with the law (i researched this, so i know it's true), VERY hard working man (i should know, i was his supervisor before we got together), home every nite, is great with our children.. as for paying debts on time, well, my debts aren't always paid on time, tho they do get paid. i can't complain about him not paying his on time in the past either.

krizlo

yeah, i am indeed a sahm! up until right after he and i got married, i was doing really good, made relatively decent money, had enough to get by on, had money to go do things with, and then i had to quit because of a childcare situation that was out of my control. i love my kids but jeeze, i miss making money! lol.

thank you

hello-kitty

Addiction is a family disease. Being around an addict can make us very sick and unhealthy. We start to make decisions that have a negative affect on those around us. We need help to get out of it. We need to get out of it so that our children do not grow up and repeat the same mistakes that we made, and that the addict made.

I read some of your previous posts. So I think I grasp some of the background. Your husband has been on drugs since he was nine. And you have two children from a previous relationship. And now you are pregnant.

You can't change him. And someone around here said it so well when they said that addiction is also disease of broken promises. Addicts cannot be trusted. It's a symptom of the disease.

It sounds like you are the healthiest parent your children have right now, so I wonder if you have reached the point in your journey where you can stop asking what your husband needs and start focusing on what your kids need. And then start working towards that by setting healthy boundaries about the kind of person and the kind of behavior you will allow in your house and around your kids.

If you make your children the priority, you can't go wrong. If you set boundaries based on what you want for them, in their lives, you will improve your own life. Being a parent means making some hard choices. And it isn't always easy.

I don't know about the people on the legal sight. I don't know what they said or what you said to them. But I do know that maybe, in light of the situation, it might be better to ask about what you can do for you and your children, to give them a better life, then what can be done for a man who is paying the price for his poor, selfish, addict choices.

I am certainly glad you found us! I hope you keep reading and posting. And learn all you can about boundaries and codependency. Maybe your parents can babysit for you, and you can get yourself to an Alanon meeting where you can meet some people who understand your situation and you can get some face to face support. You can stop the cycle of addiction in your family. You can stop the cycle of codependency. It takes work.

I wish you the best of luck. Or, as my son says, "I don't wish you luck, I wish you strength." (Balto