AH and I talked
 

He came over this weekend, his parents said he could stay the night since he had a couseling appointment in the morning (His mom drives him there and pays the copay since he has no money). First thing he did was ask me if I could fill up his gas tank, I told him that he didn't need to go anywhere, so no I would not. He said he needed to go pick up his clothes and seizure meds, I told him that I would not give him gas but I would give him a ride to go pick it up. He refused the ride, saying he didn't want me to know where he was staying, that I would try to find him.
This is rediculous as the only time I've ever driven over to where he was staying was when I was telling him I wanted a divorce and he hung up the phone on me cause he didn't want to talk. I understand he wants the controll, but too bad.
So I let him know that I was very upset with him, let him know that I thought these behaviors were unhealthy and hurt me, so he left and didn't go to his appointment the next day.
Now on my way to work this morning I got a call on my cell from a withheld number, I knew it was AH so I turned up my music and forgot about it. When i got to work I had 14 missed calls on my cell. Then he called me at work, I'm a receptionsit and our caller ID is pretty vague so I couldn't tell it was him and just ignore it... we talked for a while, it was mostly him. He asked me to make an appointment for a couples couseling session, i told him no. If he wants to work on our marriage then he needs to do this, I've spent the last 3 years trying to work on our marriage. I told him that I needed him to stay away, I can't be around him and I don't want him around. He asked me to help him, I told thim that I can't, and to please stop asking me, "I can't save you". He said he understood and agreed to stay away... we'll see.

I've beeen listening to a song, and it feels so relevant

She said please won't you get off my back
can't you see that I'm in pain
You know that I'll never
let you come back in again...

You're doing great...stay strong. Your AH is displaying a lot of the behaviors my AH (soon-to-be-ex) did as well. My AH would manipulate conversations... taking different angles to see which will work...trying to see if he could sneak back into my life...I had to just close my eyes and ears to it all! It's not easy...it's difficult because you don't just turn off your emotions...these feelings don't just go away. But you have to just focus on you and your future...one day at a time...one step at a time!!!

I wish you the best...email anytime if you want to chat!

He sounds like a little boy. No car. No job. No money. Looking for handouts, someone to take care of him and allow him to be a little boy, without a care in the world, forever. Is this what you want out of a partner?

What's in it for you? Do you think he'll magicaly change and grow up into the person you want him to be?

You can stop this anytime, whenever you are ready or accept him as the child he is. It's the in between, wishful thinking stuff, that's hell.

Am I missing something here?

He wanted to stay the night but then hassled you about what "he" wanted and called 14 times on your way to work which you ignored...and then talked to him on the work phone?

Sweetie, I'd say you are sending mixed messages and the only way you will get through to him is to be clear about your boundaries.

Your uncertainty about what you want is showing and he's picking up on it.

Perhaps taking some time just for you, without thinking about what he wants and deciding what you want...may make all this just a little easier.

Hugs

that is exactly what I had to do. My XABF has been constantly texting and calling me. I ignore the calls til I can't take it anymore then answer to hear him beg to work it out. He says he will get sober if I just come back home. I have been with him for two years and I know that he will continue to drink whether I am there or not. ONly he can stop. so tomorrow I go get a new phone and new number. Told him tonite I do not want to have any communication with him at all. Took me a few weeks to finally get here but it has happened for me.

Yes, they're right. He sneaked thru your boundaries and got you at work... so next time he calls there, tell him to stop calling your workplace then HANG UP.

You're almost there.