Language of Letting Go - May 19 - Solving Problems
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - May 19 - Solving Problems
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Solving Problems
"Shame is the first feeling that strikes me whenever I, or someone I love, has a problem," said one recovering woman.
Many of us were raised with the belief that having a problem is something to be ashamed of.
This belief can do many damaging things to us. It can stop us from identifying our problems; it can make us feel alienated and inferior when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. Shame can block us from solving a problem and finding the gift from the problem.
Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.
I've yet to meet a person who didn't have problems to solve, but I've met many who felt shamed to talk about the problems they actually had solved!
We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are - it's what we did.
It's okay to have problems. It's okay to talk about problems at appropriate times, and with safe people. It's okay to solve problems.
And we're okay, even when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. We don't have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems we've needed to solve to become who we are.
Today, I will let go of my shame about problems.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Solving Problems
"Shame is the first feeling that strikes me whenever I, or someone I love, has a problem," said one recovering woman.
Many of us were raised with the belief that having a problem is something to be ashamed of.
This belief can do many damaging things to us. It can stop us from identifying our problems; it can make us feel alienated and inferior when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. Shame can block us from solving a problem and finding the gift from the problem.
Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.
I've yet to meet a person who didn't have problems to solve, but I've met many who felt shamed to talk about the problems they actually had solved!
We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are - it's what we did.
It's okay to have problems. It's okay to talk about problems at appropriate times, and with safe people. It's okay to solve problems.
And we're okay, even when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. We don't have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems we've needed to solve to become who we are.
Today, I will let go of my shame about problems.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I still feel shame sometimes, when I talk about my codependency and my son's addiction. Mostly when I talk about it with "normies", earthlings who have never had the experience of dealing with the addiction of a loved one (and I pray they never will).
Sharing here at SR feels safe, sharing at meetings and sharing with other friends in recovery all feel safe to me and I don't feel the shame then.
Maybe the shame I feel is something I still need to work on. Maybe I am embarassed that my life isn't perfect and therefore I am flawed?
I need to accept that I had/have a problem but at least I am doing something constructive about it. Those who would judge me have a problem too, that of judgment of people they know nothing about.
Today I will live in the solution, my recovery, and leave "problems" and shame behind me. They never served me well anyway.
Hugs
Sharing here at SR feels safe, sharing at meetings and sharing with other friends in recovery all feel safe to me and I don't feel the shame then.
Maybe the shame I feel is something I still need to work on. Maybe I am embarassed that my life isn't perfect and therefore I am flawed?
We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are - it's what we did.
Today I will live in the solution, my recovery, and leave "problems" and shame behind me. They never served me well anyway.
Hugs
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