laying it out, in spite of my embarassment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: huntington wv
Posts: 46
laying it out, in spite of my embarassment
I thought hard about not telling this story, simply because I'm quite humiliated by my own foolish behavior, but I decided to post it, since this board is about helping each other, and maybe if I tell the story it can do that.
Ex abf is going to prison for three years, as I previously said. I decided to see him again before he goes. He does housework, and we have good sex. I feel thankful that the DOC will be protecting me from my own stupidity for the next few years...anyway
The weekend started out ok. A former student of mine who is pursuing a music ed degree came to visit and he and I went out for dinner and catching up. I guess my exabf didn't like it, and I told him no. I said, in all my brutal honesty, that I wouldn't. I have no reason to. I told him I was fine without him, and he didn't deserve me.
The crux of the whole mess happened saturday. I had my gallbladder out two weeks ago. I was given 40 vicodin 7.5's. I only took about 15, then the pain subsided and I didn't need them anymore. I had them in my purse, and had all but forgotten about them. I was rooting in my purse for something and noticed that the bottle looked significantly more empty than the last time I had seen it. I of course knew immediately what had happened...he had moved my car, seen the bottle in my purse and took almost all of the pills. I confronted him, but I did well. I got in from my hair appointment, and told him I wanted to take him home that night when I got back from a party I was going to, so he could get to selling and snorting the pills he took. He weakly tried to lie, but I think he could tell I wasn't trying to get him to admit. I KNEW and he couldn't argue. Fighting ensued. He said he wasn't taking the pills, that he wanted to sell them so he could help out with expenses and get some good cigarettes before he went to prison. My repeated, simple response was "I don't care." It was driving him crazy that I wouldn't argue, wouldn't try to convvince, just kept saying I don't care, and I want you to leave. It was like being in a time machine. An almost verbatim retelling of so many previous experiences. This time, he followed me out to the car and the neighbors saw. Then, when I got back, things got worse. He begged to stay, I kept saying no. It took me 2 hours to get him in the car, threatening to call the cops, and even going so far as to dial 911 once, when he finally jumped in. He begged me to turn around all the way to his house. He tried to jump out of the car, and I left him at the side of the road, waiting for him about 1/2 mile up the road. he got out. I got home. I blocked his number, and every number he has called or texted me from. I feel good not hearing from him, but I feel so damned STUPID for putting myself in that position. again. Of course my passive agressive neighbors called my ex husband instead of talking to me, but that was really no biggie. He knew I had seen the exabf a few times recently....so I'm getting a little less stupid I guess, but still stupid. I won't wonder why I am so stupid, or why I continue to repeat the same patterns. I am glad I was able to handle it, glad I bloked the numbers...just angry at myslef for opening myslef up to the situation at all. Thanks for reading all my rambles.
Ex abf is going to prison for three years, as I previously said. I decided to see him again before he goes. He does housework, and we have good sex. I feel thankful that the DOC will be protecting me from my own stupidity for the next few years...anyway
The weekend started out ok. A former student of mine who is pursuing a music ed degree came to visit and he and I went out for dinner and catching up. I guess my exabf didn't like it, and I told him no. I said, in all my brutal honesty, that I wouldn't. I have no reason to. I told him I was fine without him, and he didn't deserve me.
The crux of the whole mess happened saturday. I had my gallbladder out two weeks ago. I was given 40 vicodin 7.5's. I only took about 15, then the pain subsided and I didn't need them anymore. I had them in my purse, and had all but forgotten about them. I was rooting in my purse for something and noticed that the bottle looked significantly more empty than the last time I had seen it. I of course knew immediately what had happened...he had moved my car, seen the bottle in my purse and took almost all of the pills. I confronted him, but I did well. I got in from my hair appointment, and told him I wanted to take him home that night when I got back from a party I was going to, so he could get to selling and snorting the pills he took. He weakly tried to lie, but I think he could tell I wasn't trying to get him to admit. I KNEW and he couldn't argue. Fighting ensued. He said he wasn't taking the pills, that he wanted to sell them so he could help out with expenses and get some good cigarettes before he went to prison. My repeated, simple response was "I don't care." It was driving him crazy that I wouldn't argue, wouldn't try to convvince, just kept saying I don't care, and I want you to leave. It was like being in a time machine. An almost verbatim retelling of so many previous experiences. This time, he followed me out to the car and the neighbors saw. Then, when I got back, things got worse. He begged to stay, I kept saying no. It took me 2 hours to get him in the car, threatening to call the cops, and even going so far as to dial 911 once, when he finally jumped in. He begged me to turn around all the way to his house. He tried to jump out of the car, and I left him at the side of the road, waiting for him about 1/2 mile up the road. he got out. I got home. I blocked his number, and every number he has called or texted me from. I feel good not hearing from him, but I feel so damned STUPID for putting myself in that position. again. Of course my passive agressive neighbors called my ex husband instead of talking to me, but that was really no biggie. He knew I had seen the exabf a few times recently....so I'm getting a little less stupid I guess, but still stupid. I won't wonder why I am so stupid, or why I continue to repeat the same patterns. I am glad I was able to handle it, glad I bloked the numbers...just angry at myslef for opening myslef up to the situation at all. Thanks for reading all my rambles.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There is a saying here that when we know better, we do better.
You repeated the pattern, and now you know where that leads. And you get to start fresh again and try to do better.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and change begins with us. What helped me break old patterns of doing the codependent dance was to find myself a meeting and begin learning a better way to live. Meetings are not about our addicts or substance, they are about US and teach us why we act as we do and how we can change and begin living healthy lives making healthy choices.
One reason people tend to go from one codependent situation to another is that they don't take time in between to get healthy themselves, to heal and to grow. Sick attracts sick and healthy attracts healthy, so if we want healthy relationships it begins with working on our health first.
Your future lies ready for you to decide what road you want to take. You get to leave the past behind you and find a good path. The path of recovery has helped many of us and can help you too. It just takes time and a lot of work, but I promise it's worth every step.
Hugs
You repeated the pattern, and now you know where that leads. And you get to start fresh again and try to do better.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and change begins with us. What helped me break old patterns of doing the codependent dance was to find myself a meeting and begin learning a better way to live. Meetings are not about our addicts or substance, they are about US and teach us why we act as we do and how we can change and begin living healthy lives making healthy choices.
One reason people tend to go from one codependent situation to another is that they don't take time in between to get healthy themselves, to heal and to grow. Sick attracts sick and healthy attracts healthy, so if we want healthy relationships it begins with working on our health first.
Your future lies ready for you to decide what road you want to take. You get to leave the past behind you and find a good path. The path of recovery has helped many of us and can help you too. It just takes time and a lot of work, but I promise it's worth every step.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 87
Wow... this reminded me of why I am no longer with my soon to be ex-husband. I don't want to have any more of those excrutiating fights, calling 911 and car jumping experiences... thank you for posting your recent story.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
detaching 200
Thanks for the post.
I read that you took a step or two back by trying to spend some time with him, but then QUICKLY made a different decision and acted on it. It may not have gone smoothly, but you pursued the direction you wanted to go and followed it through. Sounds to me like you listened to yourself, have thought it through since then and become a bit wiser because of it. Good Job.
Thanks for the post.
I read that you took a step or two back by trying to spend some time with him, but then QUICKLY made a different decision and acted on it. It may not have gone smoothly, but you pursued the direction you wanted to go and followed it through. Sounds to me like you listened to yourself, have thought it through since then and become a bit wiser because of it. Good Job.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
ya know what? i think no progress would have looked different. i think you would have allowed him to manipulate you, you would have been angry, and he wouldn't have known that you really are about backing up what you say. then you probably would have felt even more stupid.
please don't call yourself that! i understand where you're coming from. but let's try to be more kind to ourselves ok? i hope i don't sound snotty; i say it with love.
please don't call yourself that! i understand where you're coming from. but let's try to be more kind to ourselves ok? i hope i don't sound snotty; i say it with love.
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