Daily Detachers Thread....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
It makes me feel a little less nuts to know I am not the only one with a mind that spins out of control and manipulates even itself! Tonight I will read some more of Codependent No More (I got it last week and took a break from it...heavy stuff) and tomorrow I will go to my therapy appointment, try to push myself to get my oil changed and watch a horror movie. I love horror movies, even started a group with some other movie lovers, but have neglected it to babysit my ABF...not ok. Plus nothing in life seems quite as bad after a horror movie. lol.
I think we've all been through the codie crazies. CDNM really helped me. I got it on audiobook and put it on my ipod. I can replay it whenever I need too.
You can have your horror movies!
lol. I've had enough flipping horror in the last few years with my AH! You're right though it makes your life seem rosey when you're watching Freddy Kreuger hunt someone down lol. Come join us daily - many of us are in the same point in our journey!
I think we've all been through the codie crazies. CDNM really helped me. I got it on audiobook and put it on my ipod. I can replay it whenever I need too.
You can have your horror movies!
lol. I've had enough flipping horror in the last few years with my AH! You're right though it makes your life seem rosey when you're watching Freddy Kreuger hunt someone down lol. Come join us daily - many of us are in the same point in our journey!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hi all = starting to worry about my ASon. I sent him a text yesterday and today and he's not answering. But I know this is just the beginning of learning how to go without contact. Nobody said it would be easy. I am just taking it one day, one HOUR at a time. Hoping for the best but bracing for the worst.
Wish we could all just hang out and have some coffee together.... on a nice deck somewhere in Tahiti.
Wish we could all just hang out and have some coffee together.... on a nice deck somewhere in Tahiti.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Perth western australia
Posts: 13
I am very new to the detaching process...............my ABF has recently relapsed and I am just in the process of deciding exactly how detached I am going to be............
it is all very new to me, but my first step was to move into our spare bedroom.......
step 2 - he is going to see his family tonight, we always go together....not tonight, he is going by himself and I am going home to have a nice hot shower and read a book
baby steps
xxx
it is all very new to me, but my first step was to move into our spare bedroom.......
step 2 - he is going to see his family tonight, we always go together....not tonight, he is going by himself and I am going home to have a nice hot shower and read a book
baby steps
xxx
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by sofacat 
We're gonna slump sometimes....until we are sick and tired of it!!!!!! I really recommend you read the book I am reading "Eat Pray Love" ...I swear you'll hear yourself in some of it! ....or you can wait for the movie...comes out in August I think.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Today...Wednesday....
I have A LOT going on today...things that will help my future and make my present much nicer.
One....I have a phone conference with a real estate broker....moving "cautiously" forward in the attempt to purchase the building my salon is in.
The owners want MORE than what the building is worth....they know how much I love being there, so they are going to try to get TWICE it's value from me....
Here's the KICKER.....change doesn't scare me as much as it used to....actually, I have learned now that change is good. SO if they think they can rake me over the coals because I want to stay where I'm at...well, they're in for a surprise. I have 1.5 years left on my lease, and that gives me PLENTY of time to make arrangements to move if I need to. No ones buying Real Estate right now, and I'm a sure thing....they should take it! i'm not going to put myself in a bad situation just because I don't want to change....I just got OUT OF THAT kind of lifestyle!
But it's out of my hands. The rest is written in the stars.
Two: I am meeting with a local women's shelter today to plan the fundraiser I am hosting in June. Every year we host a fundraiser to benefit our local animal shelters...this year I have chosen our local women's shelter because they are building a kennel for safe harbor for women's pets as well. A lot of women will stay in abusive relationships because they don't want to give up their pets, or leave them behind in danger....so this women's shelter is trying to change that...and we're gonna help them raise LOTS AND LOTS of money to get that kennel built!!!!!
Mr.Wonderful...I am slowing down contact with Mr.Wonderful. My ground gets too shaky when men come into my life romantically, and I "make up" stories in my head about who they are...not seeing who they are REALLY.....so I am slowing down, pulling back the reins....and TODAY I will not make contact with Him. He feels like a drug to me right now, I will not relapse!!!
Have a great day today everybody!!! Keep on detaching and moving forward FOR YOU!
We can do this!!!!
I have A LOT going on today...things that will help my future and make my present much nicer.
One....I have a phone conference with a real estate broker....moving "cautiously" forward in the attempt to purchase the building my salon is in.
The owners want MORE than what the building is worth....they know how much I love being there, so they are going to try to get TWICE it's value from me....
Here's the KICKER.....change doesn't scare me as much as it used to....actually, I have learned now that change is good. SO if they think they can rake me over the coals because I want to stay where I'm at...well, they're in for a surprise. I have 1.5 years left on my lease, and that gives me PLENTY of time to make arrangements to move if I need to. No ones buying Real Estate right now, and I'm a sure thing....they should take it! i'm not going to put myself in a bad situation just because I don't want to change....I just got OUT OF THAT kind of lifestyle!
But it's out of my hands. The rest is written in the stars.
Two: I am meeting with a local women's shelter today to plan the fundraiser I am hosting in June. Every year we host a fundraiser to benefit our local animal shelters...this year I have chosen our local women's shelter because they are building a kennel for safe harbor for women's pets as well. A lot of women will stay in abusive relationships because they don't want to give up their pets, or leave them behind in danger....so this women's shelter is trying to change that...and we're gonna help them raise LOTS AND LOTS of money to get that kennel built!!!!!
Mr.Wonderful...I am slowing down contact with Mr.Wonderful. My ground gets too shaky when men come into my life romantically, and I "make up" stories in my head about who they are...not seeing who they are REALLY.....so I am slowing down, pulling back the reins....and TODAY I will not make contact with Him. He feels like a drug to me right now, I will not relapse!!!
Have a great day today everybody!!! Keep on detaching and moving forward FOR YOU!
We can do this!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Hey Sofa! Good for you on the building AND the NC AND the shelter! That's GREAT News!
I was so hoping someone would pick up the ball with the ddt today. I'm so not feeling motivated today. Feeling really down and hopeless today for some reason. Part of it is because I'm tired, part is because I've got so much to do and like coffee and I were talking, I don't want to do it. Actually I just want to crawl back in bed. If I do that though, I'll just feel worse when I wake up because I could have been moving.
My entire house h20 is shut off because I have a stupid pin hair crack in a compression valve @ the kitchen sink. I did get the valve off (that's why the h20 is shut off) and am heading out to get a new one. I should have already left, but am vegging out in front of the computer procrastinating again... I'm also a little bit ticked that the last 2 days went nothing close to what was planned, which means I'm more behind than I was! I suppose I can either sit here and whine or get off my duff and get moving. I'm going to choose the latter...
Kids have early dismissal today and I have 2 baseball games to go to. Going to be a l o n g day today! So, for me today I AM heading out to get this part and get the plumbing issue resolved! I also will catch up on housework AND get my butt on the treadmill.
Make it a good day everyone!
I was so hoping someone would pick up the ball with the ddt today. I'm so not feeling motivated today. Feeling really down and hopeless today for some reason. Part of it is because I'm tired, part is because I've got so much to do and like coffee and I were talking, I don't want to do it. Actually I just want to crawl back in bed. If I do that though, I'll just feel worse when I wake up because I could have been moving.
My entire house h20 is shut off because I have a stupid pin hair crack in a compression valve @ the kitchen sink. I did get the valve off (that's why the h20 is shut off) and am heading out to get a new one. I should have already left, but am vegging out in front of the computer procrastinating again... I'm also a little bit ticked that the last 2 days went nothing close to what was planned, which means I'm more behind than I was! I suppose I can either sit here and whine or get off my duff and get moving. I'm going to choose the latter...
Kids have early dismissal today and I have 2 baseball games to go to. Going to be a l o n g day today! So, for me today I AM heading out to get this part and get the plumbing issue resolved! I also will catch up on housework AND get my butt on the treadmill.
Make it a good day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Daily Detachers Wednesday
I hope we feel free to step up to the plate and start this thread if it hasn't yet been. No one can be here every single morning!
For me, today, I'm building on the past few days. Days in which I've feel empowered, strong, and like there IS a light at the end of this tunnel of pain and dissapointment.
Being physical, and being productive helps GREATLY.
I know Ann posts from Melody's daily meditation collection, but I read this one last night (from May 17) and I thought it appropriate for this thread (not in its entirety):
Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.
There's nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson.
If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that's exactly what's happening: we're being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that's here to help us explore and set our boundaries.
For me, today, I'm building on the past few days. Days in which I've feel empowered, strong, and like there IS a light at the end of this tunnel of pain and dissapointment.
Being physical, and being productive helps GREATLY.
I know Ann posts from Melody's daily meditation collection, but I read this one last night (from May 17) and I thought it appropriate for this thread (not in its entirety):
Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.
There's nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson.
If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that's exactly what's happening: we're being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that's here to help us explore and set our boundaries.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I'm building on the past few days. Days in which I've feel empowered, strong, and like there IS a light at the end of this tunnel of pain and dissapointment.
Being physical, and being productive helps GREATLY.
Thanks Coffee! I didn't start a thread this morning because I woke up feeling frustrated with things, down in the dumps and very unmotivated. Just wanted to crawl back in bed. I know from prior experience that this just sets me back further. I came to SR and saw the DDT thread had dwindled and thought screw it. Just go back to normal, what I know. Started out with a rough start today, but guess what? I FINALLY got my h20 problem fixed! I was so flipping frustrated yesterday and the day before. Wrong parts, running around trying to get the right parts etc. I JUST now got it put back together, but guess what I did it! Dad helped me figure it out, but I did it! Feels good! Now to get the kitchen put back together!
Promised the kids I'd make taco's for supper, then off to baseball games tonight. Oh and the treadmill that's been calling my name since Monday? Here I come!
Being physical, and being productive helps GREATLY.
Thanks Coffee! I didn't start a thread this morning because I woke up feeling frustrated with things, down in the dumps and very unmotivated. Just wanted to crawl back in bed. I know from prior experience that this just sets me back further. I came to SR and saw the DDT thread had dwindled and thought screw it. Just go back to normal, what I know. Started out with a rough start today, but guess what? I FINALLY got my h20 problem fixed! I was so flipping frustrated yesterday and the day before. Wrong parts, running around trying to get the right parts etc. I JUST now got it put back together, but guess what I did it! Dad helped me figure it out, but I did it! Feels good! Now to get the kitchen put back together!
Promised the kids I'd make taco's for supper, then off to baseball games tonight. Oh and the treadmill that's been calling my name since Monday? Here I come!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I came to SR and saw the DDT thread had dwindled and thought screw it.
I have one more hour left working on the computer, then I'm off to the bank again for more unfinished business, then FINALLY take care of my overflowing recycling. I have an appt with my therapist, which will be followed by a visit to the framers to FINALLY get my most prized photo framed. Then I'll FINALLY buy a real filing cabinet because I've been using my daughters old toy box all these years LOL. After that, I'm meeting with some friends at the marina for dinner. It's on a floating dock and today's weather is perfect, FINALLY! My cat is even seizing the day, she found the one patch of dirt, not mud, and is rolling in it right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Have the existing threads merged into one mega thread
I'd thought of that...kinda like the hen house thread on SA? Ann? Wanna help us out with that? If not I can do it with one single thread tomorrow.
Chino, sounds like a GREAT day! Mine's getting better and better as well. Got a MUCH NEEDED check in the mail today! Another one expected tomorrow! Gotta love that kind of mail.
I'd thought of that...kinda like the hen house thread on SA? Ann? Wanna help us out with that? If not I can do it with one single thread tomorrow.
Chino, sounds like a GREAT day! Mine's getting better and better as well. Got a MUCH NEEDED check in the mail today! Another one expected tomorrow! Gotta love that kind of mail.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I think that is a great idea. Kind of like a running Alanon meeting where you can bring up a topic.
I'm struggling today and trying not to feel down and frustrated. When I feel that way it's easy for me to get into negative thinking and then just shut down. I did make myself go to cardio funk class and that was positive.
Sometimes I need to detach from "me" and my own thoughts and I think that I today is one of those days. I'm struggling not to give into the urge to just numb out on the Arcade (majongg 2 provides adequate numbing and I fall into the abyss of it way too often).
I'm gong to try and keep doing the next right thing and stay right here in today. Without my thoughts what kind of day could I have? Probably a much better one than if I sit here and succumb to them.
So....accept what I cannot change, have the courage to change what I can - and please God....give me the wisdom to know the difference (sometimes it gets a little cloudy).
I want my check in the mail Callie! I want that kind of mail too!!!
I'm struggling today and trying not to feel down and frustrated. When I feel that way it's easy for me to get into negative thinking and then just shut down. I did make myself go to cardio funk class and that was positive.
Sometimes I need to detach from "me" and my own thoughts and I think that I today is one of those days. I'm struggling not to give into the urge to just numb out on the Arcade (majongg 2 provides adequate numbing and I fall into the abyss of it way too often).
I'm gong to try and keep doing the next right thing and stay right here in today. Without my thoughts what kind of day could I have? Probably a much better one than if I sit here and succumb to them.
So....accept what I cannot change, have the courage to change what I can - and please God....give me the wisdom to know the difference (sometimes it gets a little cloudy).
I want my check in the mail Callie! I want that kind of mail too!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 57
I wrote this poem awhile ago. I know it by heart and whenever I get in a tough spot, I recite it to myself in my head.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...reak-free.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...reak-free.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Must be in the h20 lightseeker. I started out bad. Now I'm doing as Chino does and have the stereo cranked, windows open, fabuloso smell in the air as I put my kitchen together again!
I'm struggling not to give into the urge to just numb out on the Arcade (majongg 2 provides adequate numbing and I fall into the abyss of it way too often).
I totally do this with the internet. Just random places everything from shopping (just looking) to recipes, to fashion, to facebook to SR. I can get lost hours doing this. Coffee and I were talking about this yesterday. When I do this though, it just makes me sink deeper.
I'm struggling not to give into the urge to just numb out on the Arcade (majongg 2 provides adequate numbing and I fall into the abyss of it way too often).
I totally do this with the internet. Just random places everything from shopping (just looking) to recipes, to fashion, to facebook to SR. I can get lost hours doing this. Coffee and I were talking about this yesterday. When I do this though, it just makes me sink deeper.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hey guys well I am working on asserting myself and doing what is right for ME instead of just doing what other people WANT from me.
I broke it off with a guy last night. I am no good at that. I was getting red flags from him for the last couple weeks but he just wouldn't go away. I told him I didn't want a relationship right now - that my priorities are my son and my job (there are many HUGE changes going on here and they are not great - there is a good chance I could lose my job). I said I was just struggling to maintain balance in my life and didn't have time to commit or energy to make a relationship work.
He said, Oh. (dohhhh! I can't believe he didn't get it already.)
I said, I'm happy to be friends.
He said, You said you didn't want a relationship. I better just go.
I guess since he wasn't going to be getting any nookie, he decided I wasn't worth the effort.
Ah well. I figured as much.
Onward and upward my friends...
I broke it off with a guy last night. I am no good at that. I was getting red flags from him for the last couple weeks but he just wouldn't go away. I told him I didn't want a relationship right now - that my priorities are my son and my job (there are many HUGE changes going on here and they are not great - there is a good chance I could lose my job). I said I was just struggling to maintain balance in my life and didn't have time to commit or energy to make a relationship work.
He said, Oh. (dohhhh! I can't believe he didn't get it already.)
I said, I'm happy to be friends.
He said, You said you didn't want a relationship. I better just go.
I guess since he wasn't going to be getting any nookie, he decided I wasn't worth the effort.
Ah well. I figured as much.
Onward and upward my friends...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Sounds like you cut him off @ the right time HK. Adios Amigos - good riddance. You don't need that in your life anyway.
In between house stuff and computer stuff, I was thinking about how nice it is to see some of the members who have been here for a while. Not saying it's nice to see you struggle but it's nice to know that none of us are perfect in our recoveries. I know sometimes I post for advice, get great hard core advice. It's nice to know that we're all more in the same boat than we think we are.
As a codie, I strive to perfection (imagine that). It's nice to know there is no such thing.
In between house stuff and computer stuff, I was thinking about how nice it is to see some of the members who have been here for a while. Not saying it's nice to see you struggle
but it's nice to know that none of us are perfect in our recoveries. I know sometimes I post for advice, get great hard core advice. It's nice to know that we're all more in the same boat than we think we are.As a codie, I strive to perfection (imagine that). It's nice to know there is no such thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I seriously just try to stay in the now and make the next wise choice based on the information I have available to me right now. I also try to have patience - I realize that I don't have to solve every issue right when it comes up. I can wait and make a decision if necessary. I remind myself that worry doesn't solve anything.
I give myself permission to be imperfect, sad, tired, exhausted, unmotivated and depressed sometimes.
I acknowledge that negative feelings and situations will pass rather quickly if I let them be and I don't dwell in their negativity. The only thing certain in this life is things will change. The way I feel right now is NOT the way I will feel tomorrow.
I give myself permission to be imperfect, sad, tired, exhausted, unmotivated and depressed sometimes.
I acknowledge that negative feelings and situations will pass rather quickly if I let them be and I don't dwell in their negativity. The only thing certain in this life is things will change. The way I feel right now is NOT the way I will feel tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
today Im just blah..probaly because Im running a fever/achy.
.BUT continue with my detaching..HE called me on saturday and for 1/2 hour went on and on about his medical issues (he is dying of all sorts of illness,he is bipolar) and
I just listened..just kept saying OH..OH..WOW..then he told me his blood work etc and I gave him assurance that nothing was wrong (he always asked for my medical advice as well as friends/family ask me(think I should start charging,lol)then he started talking money and I said I had to go MOW the lawn..In the past I would have crashed with anger and sadness,but instead I quickly put on my running outfit and headed out and did 5 miles!! came home and painted the fence and foundation and mowed the backyard.
Hopefully tomorrow will feel better as the weather is supposed to be fantastic for running..btw..tonight will be numbing/relaxing for me after a nice bath and games of family feud on FB (lol) and cuddle with my doggies
.BUT continue with my detaching..HE called me on saturday and for 1/2 hour went on and on about his medical issues (he is dying of all sorts of illness,he is bipolar) andI just listened..just kept saying OH..OH..WOW..then he told me his blood work etc and I gave him assurance that nothing was wrong (he always asked for my medical advice as well as friends/family ask me(think I should start charging,lol)then he started talking money and I said I had to go MOW the lawn..In the past I would have crashed with anger and sadness,but instead I quickly put on my running outfit and headed out and did 5 miles!! came home and painted the fence and foundation and mowed the backyard.
Hopefully tomorrow will feel better as the weather is supposed to be fantastic for running
..btw..tonight will be numbing/relaxing for me after a nice bath and games of family feud on FB (lol) and cuddle with my doggies
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I detach with a achy heart. My head wants to let go and my heart fears it will dwindle.
I detach today knowing I'm no good to anyone, including me, if I keep all this stress in my life at full-speed.
I want to learn to love fully and be loved back fully.
And I'm working on this now, maybe not later or tomorrow, but right now
I detach today knowing I'm no good to anyone, including me, if I keep all this stress in my life at full-speed.
I want to learn to love fully and be loved back fully.
And I'm working on this now, maybe not later or tomorrow, but right now
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 36
I don't know why but I have had some great days since Saturday. I've been staying pretty relaxed and enjoying but mostly appreciating it. I believe that everything happens for a reason and my Higher Power has given a strong dose of "you don't have control over everything" lately. Between my son's addiction and a sister dwindling from cancer - wow, not a lot I can do. But, you know what, I think I'm finally finding my peace in all this. I pray and that is about all I can do. I do attend my meetings which has really helped as well. Life is short for all of us and I need to live it and enjoy it as well as love those around me.
Thanks for the thread - maybe some day I won't "wait" for my good days to end but just sit back and enjoy.
Thanks for the thread - maybe some day I won't "wait" for my good days to end but just sit back and enjoy.
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