Teenie

I woke up this morning to a couple of calls and voicemails from him. He called 4 times between 7:45AM and 10:25AM and left 2 voicemails. One of which said "I'm @ Regions. The number is ***-****. I'd like to talk to you." and than another of which was just "Call me back." He didn't sound too happy though. Who would be if they were in a hospital though?

Anyways, this is his 3rd time back in there since October. He just got out May 5th because he was unstable.

What do i do? I called his friend the other day to inform him of his using and to get advice on what to do about it, and he spazzed out on me telling me he didn't want anything to do w/ me anymore, than 2 days ago, called his mom and let her know. Hoping some sort of call would get him help. And now he's back in there and wants me to call him back... My hearts been up in my throat every time i'd get a phone call from some number i didn't know up until now thinking it was him.

Ann

Hey, Teenie, what would happen if you just didn't answer your phone today? What would happen if you went out for a walk or if you found a meeting and surrounded yourself with support?

You don't have to own his problem. You don't have to be HIS solution when that becomes YOUR problem.

Take a deep breath, surround yourself with support and maybe just let him work through this on his own.

Big Hugs because I know this isn't easy.

Teenie

he's either there A.)because he was brought there to get addiction help, or B.)Because he had another mental meltdown from his bipolar.

Either way, i want to answer when he calls. But @ the same time, I know he's probably absolutely STEAMING from my desperate phone calls to get him into treatment because he JUST CAN'T DROP IT. He said he "can do it himself" and that "he promises to drop his using buddies" but that's never been the case when he's said that before. So i don't know what to believe from him anymore. The last time i saw him, he was twacked out and lying to me about it and trying to get me to clean his apartment and had syringes lying in his freezer. I had to call my sweet angel of a cousin @ 1:15AM to come pick me up because i didn't know how unpredictable he was going to become.

Ann

Let's play this through, Teenie.

You can't believe him because his actions have never followed his words. You can't help him because he doesn't want "help", otherwise he'd find treatment. He wants enabling and you can do that until you are exhausted and all that will do is drag you down with him.

So, that leaves the question, what can you do for you?

Nothing is a good start, just taking time to calm down, be still and think about how this is affecting you.

Or you could keep reaching out here, reading around and seeing where all this leads for most of us...and you can also read about what we had to do to make the chaos stop.

And then you can do it too. The first step is a big one...it is admitting that you are powerless over his addiction and that your life has become unmanageable. The second step is that we come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.

That power, for me, was finding a meeting and surrounding myself with support from people who had been where I was. And later that power became my Higher Power, who I choose to call God.

Or you can worry yourself sick, or return to the same situation and get the same results (only this time his violence may escalate and you could be hurt or worse)...or you could make a decision today that enough is enough and you don't have to live like this one more day.

The choices are yours, either way we are walking with you.

Give it some thought, that's a good start.

Hugs

ZombieWife

So, you are afraid of HIS reaction to YOUR trying to help him?

Stop and think about that statement for a few minutes.

Empower yourself and give yourself permission to be honked off at him for choosing a substance over everything else in his life. Why shouldn't he be afraid of YOUR reaction?

coffeedrinker

Teenie,

I like what Cynical said; he's in the safest place on earth. Has he called his friend? He's calling you because you are his enabler.

I know how overwhelming the desire to call and rush to his side is. Stay strong, sister.

suki44883

You say he's your "EX" boyfriend. So, there is no reason for you to respond to his calls or texts. Block him from your phone.

Teenie

The only reason for me EVER to talk to him, is when he actually gets honestly and sincerely sober and makes that effort and i see it in him. He does have mass potential to be that great person i met a year and a half ago. But until he decides for himself that he's in the hospital because of himself, because he needs helps and needs to continue to take his meds and stay sober, i can't be there for him to fall back onto.

He just called again around 12:30 and i obstained. I was on the phone w/ a good friend of mine who talked to me until he hung up. And I'm sure he'll continue to call. But I'm going to obstain for a couple of days and see what happens. Give myself some peace of mind for a little bit.

Chino

That's going to take longer than a few days and it'll take at least a year before his brain starts to resemble normal, never mind how it's functioning.

He's safe where he's at and hopefully he'll begin to put all his focus on healing himself. Please let him do that

Teenie

i actually meant got got out on may 5th because he was "stable" or presumeably stable anyways. So far, I'm doing ok on the not answering. Haven't felt nearly as much anxiety about the whole situation since my meeting w/ Coffeemaker yesterday. There was a much needed sense of release and relief.

dollydo

He is your ex---you need to expand that word and extradite him from your life.

Keep the phone off if you need to, you can check your messages and delete his and call others back.

Stand firm!

Done_With_It

I think sometimes we start to get used to the world we create for ourselves and then we settle. There can be an amazing new world out there for you if you choose. You don't have to wait for anyone to choose to decide to get off drugs, to choose to treat you good when they decide to get clean, etc.
You can go out and live your life right now, and meet new people, do new things, and live a great life right now.
What about if you created a life for yourself where you were jumping with excitement almost every time the phone rang because of the next plan you had coming up or the next person who was going to call. :day6

You can do that!~~~