Why?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 6
Why?
I have finally confronted my husband and told him that I know about his cocaine addiction and the response I got was not what I expected. I know that I cannot push for him to go for help as previously with his gambling addiction it did not work and only worked when he was ready to admit he had a problem.
He is now in such good spirits and laughing and carry on and does not even want to discuss it.
Why and what do I do now?
He is now in such good spirits and laughing and carry on and does not even want to discuss it.
Why and what do I do now?
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Hi, no unfortunately we are not able to a thing about it, you must remember:
I can't control it
I didn't cause it
Only they can help themselves, i confronted my AH as well about his drinking, said he would stop, stoped for 4 days, then back on it again, i suppose the DT's are just way too much too handle.
thinking and praying for you.
Hugs
I can't control it
I didn't cause it
Only they can help themselves, i confronted my AH as well about his drinking, said he would stop, stoped for 4 days, then back on it again, i suppose the DT's are just way too much too handle.
thinking and praying for you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trin))) - I'm an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie with loved ones who are A's (addicts). If we are not ready to admit we have a problem and seek recovery, we will often flat-out deny there is a problem or, at the least, downplay it. This allows us to continue using.
What do you do? You can start by setting boundaries...such as "if you use cocaine, I will...." which may be "move money out of the account so you don't have access" or "leave the house as I choose not to be around you when you are high". I don't know your circumstances, so am only using boundaries of a friend who has been through similar circumstances. Boundaries aren't ultimatums...they're meant to be what YOU can do for you, whenever he crosses a line, and you need to make ones you can stick to, or he'll figure out you're just talking and he'll do what he wants to, knowing you'll put up with it.
Arguments, fussing, pleading, crying, begging, etc. don't work with us A's. In fact, most of us will turn it around and say "well you made me use with your attitude!" This isn't TRUE, of course...an A uses because they want to, but we're pretty good at trying to make you feel responsible. Just so you know...we're not doing this AT you or TO you...we're simply protecting our addiction at any cost, because when we're active, it's the most important things in our lives, no matter what we say. We may SAY our family/jobs/etc. are important, but continue to put all that at risk by using....with an addict, ACTIONS are the best indicator of intent....words mean nothing.
I hope you read around some other posts, here...you'll find out you're not alone and see how other's have dealt when they've been faced with the same/similar situation.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
What do you do? You can start by setting boundaries...such as "if you use cocaine, I will...." which may be "move money out of the account so you don't have access" or "leave the house as I choose not to be around you when you are high". I don't know your circumstances, so am only using boundaries of a friend who has been through similar circumstances. Boundaries aren't ultimatums...they're meant to be what YOU can do for you, whenever he crosses a line, and you need to make ones you can stick to, or he'll figure out you're just talking and he'll do what he wants to, knowing you'll put up with it.
Arguments, fussing, pleading, crying, begging, etc. don't work with us A's. In fact, most of us will turn it around and say "well you made me use with your attitude!" This isn't TRUE, of course...an A uses because they want to, but we're pretty good at trying to make you feel responsible. Just so you know...we're not doing this AT you or TO you...we're simply protecting our addiction at any cost, because when we're active, it's the most important things in our lives, no matter what we say. We may SAY our family/jobs/etc. are important, but continue to put all that at risk by using....with an addict, ACTIONS are the best indicator of intent....words mean nothing.
I hope you read around some other posts, here...you'll find out you're not alone and see how other's have dealt when they've been faced with the same/similar situation.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
"what do I do now?"
Keep working on yourself. You are in the right place.
It takes some time to take the focus off of our "A" s and put it back on ourselves.
We get so accustomed to scrutinizing their every move that we forget how to take care of ourselves.
We don't even realize how sick we are making ourselves.
Try to switch the focus....work on you solely....the rest will come.
It is beyond our control. Glad you're here.
Keep working on yourself. You are in the right place.
It takes some time to take the focus off of our "A" s and put it back on ourselves.
We get so accustomed to scrutinizing their every move that we forget how to take care of ourselves.
We don't even realize how sick we are making ourselves.
Try to switch the focus....work on you solely....the rest will come.
It is beyond our control. Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
trin
welcome to sober recovery friends and family.
"we understand as perhaps few others can"
i have found that whenever i go into a conversation with the expectation of a certain outcome with my addict, it NEVER goes the way i thought it would. we might think about a situation rationally, and the addict who is using simply doesn't have that ability.
keep coming to this site; i hope we can help.
welcome to sober recovery friends and family.
"we understand as perhaps few others can"
i have found that whenever i go into a conversation with the expectation of a certain outcome with my addict, it NEVER goes the way i thought it would. we might think about a situation rationally, and the addict who is using simply doesn't have that ability.
keep coming to this site; i hope we can help.
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