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break ups are hard when you have a codie heart

Old 05-11-2010, 04:12 PM
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break ups are hard when you have a codie heart

OK. I need to break it off with someone. it's not like we've been dating long, in most situations you probably wouldn't need to break it off after just a few weeks, but he's moving too fast, the red flags are up and I'm just too busy with work and my son to deal with dating right now anyway - especially dating a guy who I know isn't THE ONE for me.

He knows somethings up. I haven't returned his phone calls for a few days. With good reason. He told me he was going to call me this weekend - we had tentative plans - but he didn't call until he was on his way to work on Monday morning. Since then he's left several messages that I haven't returned. This afternoon he left one saying "I know you're mad at me, can we please talk..."

Well, actually I'm kind of relieved he blew me off because now it will be easier to break it off with him.

But I hate dealing with it.

What do I say? I just want to let him off the hook easy. And remain friendly if possible. "It's not you it's me" kind of stuff...
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Old 05-11-2010, 04:25 PM
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What about "moving too fast" does not seem to fit with get blown off this past weekend? Could this be a few sour grapes and all that?

He's not on a hook so let him know you are not interested in dating, if that is your intent.
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Old 05-11-2010, 04:39 PM
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huh? I'm not sure why you think my grapes are sour. In my book, it's unacceptable to make plans and then not follow through. So any chance the guy had in having a relationship with me, and he's made it perfectly clear that is what he is after, is gone.

I don't want to go out with him anymore. He keeps calling. I thought someone might have a suggestion on how I could break that to him without insulting him. I guess it doesn't matter.

Enjoy your grapes. ;-)
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Old 05-11-2010, 05:17 PM
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Sounds like he gave you an "answer" loud and clear. I'm the worst at "breaking up" - if you only knew how graciously I did it when I said I wanted a divorce LOL but, sounds like the time, if you know he's not the one, and then he followed through with a behavior that gives you the strong signal you are right for you.

Something simple will probably be best, but how to phrase or what to say - I am not eloquent enough - Hopefully Anvil will come along soon, she is good with words and now is in a class too

Good luck with whatever you say/do - my only "advice" is K.I.S.S.

(((hugs)))
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Old 05-11-2010, 05:17 PM
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it's unacceptable to make plans and then not follow through.

You are way better than to be treated like this as early on as you are. I would get the guts, call him. Tell him you don't appreciate what he did and that you're not comfortable with proceeding. If he presses on or has an excuse and you feel cornered - I'd probably take the tangent you're a single, busy mom who works, has a young son to take care of and you just don't have time for this/drama/not following through right now. If that won't work, you could just say I'm not ready right now. I'm getting a feel of turning people down. I don't like the feeling @ all, but what is the point of proceeding when you know it's going nowhere. I'm finding out that it's better to cut it off early, rather than drag it on.

My divorce has been final for a month. I've had people contacting me via facebook, 'running into me', casually inviting me and 'my group' to whatever function, calling me. I am not ready period. I DO look forward to a NORMAL, HEALTHY relationship. BUT...I know I'm not even in the arena with being ok myself. I won't enter into another dysfunctional relationship. Just as you shouldn't HK. I cannot imagine that I would let anyone that early on disrespect me like he did you. (I know SR is probably shaking their heads @ me for all that I've put up with AH, but never again.)

You deserve better. HK, stomp on the grapes and turn them into wine! Or I have a good recipe for grape salad. Your preference.
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Old 05-11-2010, 05:58 PM
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While I agree that he should have called this weekend... I would still call or at least answer the phone to let him know you are not interested.
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Old 05-11-2010, 06:14 PM
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Yeah, if it were me, I'd answer the phone the next time he calls. He'll surely apologize for not calling over the weekend and when he does, you can say (not in a mad way) that it's just as well because you've been feeling like things are moving too fast and your not really interested in a steady relationship at this time. You don't have to gripe him out for not calling, just take it as an opportunity to say something you've been wanting to say anyway.
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Old 05-11-2010, 06:53 PM
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I totally agree with Suki. He stood you up, no call no explanation```the end! Men need closure just like we do..Good luck!
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Old 05-11-2010, 07:15 PM
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disrespect me like he did you.

What I meant to say was like my xah did me...BUT I wouldn't put up with this this early on either from a new partner.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:45 PM
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well, kitty, could it possibly a growth action for you TO tell him that you felt what he did was unkind?

being someone who has let other people kinda step on me all my life (my first vivid memory of this was when i was around 13), because i was too damm scared to stick up for myself, i would hope that i could get up the guts to say something like:

"um, i guess i thought that we had made a plan to do something over the weekend. it's not that i'm mad.... i guess i would just rather have people in my life that do what they say they're going to. i spose i felt a little disrespected. i do care for you; i wish you the best."
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Old 05-12-2010, 06:41 AM
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Oh I see how this works now...just because you lost your husband to me now you're after Kitty's man...no wonder he was "too busy" to call her. Hmphh


We keep a tight circle here on SR. Reuse and recycle. I'm going green! Heaven forbid we hold out for someone to actually treat us right and respect us.

"um, i guess i thought that we had made a plan to do something over the weekend. it's not that i'm mad.... i guess i would just rather have people in my life that do what they say they're going to. i spose i felt a little disrespected. i do care for you; i wish you the best."

Perfect.... Good Luck HK.
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Old 05-12-2010, 07:22 AM
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He was just a little strange anyway - gave me the heebie jeebies. Ya see I got this broken picker... like I told Anvil, mines a birth defect.

I'm terrible at handling these situations and I really appreciate the advice. Usually if I don't really like a guy and find him odd - that's my clue to try to fix him. :-) So actually ending things in a friendly manner, before things go too far, is pretty new for me.

Anyway, he hasn't called again so I'll just put it on the back burner. But over the last 2 days he called me like 5 times - after he didn't call me all weekend like he said he was going to do. It just reminded me of what a crackhead would do.
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
huh? I'm not sure why you think my grapes are sour. In my book, it's unacceptable to make plans and then not follow through. So any chance the guy had in having a relationship with me, and he's made it perfectly clear that is what he is after, is gone.

I don't want to go out with him anymore. He keeps calling. I thought someone might have a suggestion on how I could break that to him without insulting him. I guess it doesn't matter.

Enjoy your grapes. ;-)
I am sorry for not being clearer.

He had his chance which I infer meant you had some sort of interest in him and gave him that chance. He blew it when he did not follow through. It sounded like you were rationalizing somewhat, that you do not have time and were not really interested i.e. the grapes and all.

Regardless, he did not do what he said he was going to do, when he said he would do it. It's a turn off for you. You owe him nothing.

It's a chick ( or is that a codie?) thing, that we gotta be nice/ gracious about everything.

That you recognize a pattern is progress.
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Old 05-14-2010, 02:16 PM
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I just want to send hugs. No advice, every guy I ever tried to break up with I ended up marrying instead. (no joke)
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:07 PM
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It sounds like you know what you want and don't want. Good luck.
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