Sad Mother's Day
 

My AH moved out of the house today. Happy Mother's Day to me, huh?

I told him not to come back home messed up. Well, he did last night and it was horrible. So I had stick to my guns. So he left and I am so worried. I have to let go, but 14 years is long time. Keep telling myself he is addict and I am powerless in this situation.

I have cried and cried today. I have to keep telling myself I had no other choice but doesn't make things any easier.

So I am trying my best not to breakdown while my kids are up. This is going to be long night. So hard to keep my emotions in check.

So I will have to get locks changed tomorrow and clean up the mess.

I know things will get better with time, but that doesn't help today.

I'm sorry, and hope tomorrow you feel a little better. It's okay to be sad, it IS sad, but maybe get out for a while tomorrow for a walk to to a meeting if you can find one, and try not to obsess.

What helped me to stop obsessing was to keep busy doing anything that would take my mind someplace else.

Hugs

I understand your heartache... My AH basically did nothing for me today. I know he knew it was today, and he probably thought he would run out and get me something real quick...I told him not to bother. Well, that ended in an argument and a tense stale-mate...so I've spent today in a tense house, feeling forgotten, wishing this would be over (I'm divorcing my husband and moving in with my parents Memorial Weekend). So, I cannot wait to get away from this awful situation...

I am sorry it hurts so bad...I was thinking today he didn't have to "kick" me when I'm down... But my mom reminded me he's an addict...he's sick...and if he "could" love anyone it'd be me...but that he just can't right now...he doesn't even love himself. That helps because it's hard not to take their actions personally. Think about yourself...let yourself cry...let yourself hurt...but remember to take those steps forward, hard as they may be. Don't look back, and don't second guess. If he's an active addict, you made the RIGHT choice even though it hurts...it's still right. Stay on SR and keep posting...you'll get through this even though it doesn't feel like it. The feelings will pass and one day it will get easier... I wish you the best!

I'm so sorry for your sad day. I have an AS and I haven't heard from him for two months and we kicked him out. My day won't be ruined but I have to admit that something is missing.

Although I've put my AS in my higher power's hands there are times when I have to cry and get it out of my system. I also attend meetings, which help me a great deal. Then I can move forward and live.

Good for you for doing the right thing. You took action that will get him a little closer to looking at his problem - not your problem. It takes courage and love to do what you did. I hope you can think of things to be grateful for and it puts a smile on your face ;-). Keep taking good care and believe in yourself.

I am so sorry you are having a bad day. Crying, praying, and a good ear always helped me on days like that. Since my AH left I have gradually begun to work through my feelings although I am still a work in progress.

You are doing the right thing, for yourself and for him.

:ghug3

Thanks guys!! I must say your words give me so much encouragement. It is going to be very hard to let go. Just so sad it had to come to this.

ThatLittleGirl-It is so hard not to take their actions personally. He is an active addict b/c found the pills last night. So yes, I made right decision even though it doesn't feel like it now. My kids and my sanity are more important. Sorry about your day! Sounds like we both have had enough of being hurt over and over again.

Kelrunran-You made me smile and cry at the same time. Thanks! Sorry about your AS.

Ann-I have tried to keep myself very busy today up to this point. Now I am obsessing. Tomorrow will be a challenge.

I hope you managed to keep yourself busy today! I'm sorry for the pain of the day!

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your heart must be breaking. They probably already told you you have a long road ahead to heal emotionally. I found a link:

The 5 Stages of Grief

Here's the positive things it had to say to help keep you occupied:

Suggestions when you find yourself suddenly single

Avoid long term legal decisions. If you are in an emotional state its better to put off long term legal decisions until your thinking is less cloudy.

Drive carefully. It's easy to become distracted when you are grieving so use care when you get behind the wheel.

Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you're experiencing anger and resentment.

Maintain rituals. The children most likely will feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency.

Nurture yourself. You need to care for your spiritual, emotional and physical health. No one else will do it but you. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of your child. Eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to what has happened.


My 2 cents: Don't go back, just say no to drugs.

cb

I'm so proud of you for sticking to your guns. Doing the right thing is not the same as doing the easy thing. The more practice you get with sticking to your boundaries, the easier and more natural it becomes.

Something helpful that I do is to NOT look too much at the big, overwhelming picture. focus on the details - the action steps you need to take. Move forward one detail at a time and you will get through it. Take it easy on yourself too. You have a right to be sad and hurt. But it doesn't have to paralyze you or destroy your life.

Post often! You'll find many people here to support you.

(((hugs)))