ladyhawk69

I am no longer a friend or family of a substance abuser/alcoholic but the issues in my household still remain. After the move, the cancer diagnosis, the exabf, the break up (yada yada)... I had no idea until I spoke to my resource center of the effects it had on my youngest son. He has been acting up again for attention (like a normal guy his age) but didn't get it until now at all the loss he has suffered in the past year. Now, with mommy going for "medicine" every week, he seems to be acting up with fear of losing me too. (their opinion) He recently started talking about my exabf quite often and I don't know how to deal with it. It breaks my heart but he sounds so matter of fact when he references him, or draws a picture of "our family" for the fridge. I guess I'm just rambling at this point but don't know how to handle it. I'm seeking counseling for it but it gets harder everyday. I'm still doing what is best for myself and my kids but am at a loss of what to say.......

outonalimb

Aw ladyhawk,
I'm so sorry. So much to deal with.
Keep going. Keep doing the next right thing. Most of all, take good care of yourself and give your little guy an extra big hug in honor of mother's day. He's so blessed to have you. Be well...

ladyhawk69

Thanks

ThatLittleGirl

I'm sorry you're going through so much...I know it's difficult. I have twin daughters...one of whom is extremely sensitive. I've done my best to coddle her and nurture her through this difficult process (I'm divorcing my AH)... Anyway, the other daughter, whom I thought was handling things decently, was not. I went to a parent/teacher conference and her teacher said to me, "Mrs. So & So...I thought you should know K has been very emotional the last month or so. Every day at naptime (she's four) she cries. Even today when I came in from my lunch break, she was on the mat with her blanket pulled up and crying." Needless to say, my heart broke into a thousand pieces. She wasn't crying to me at home, she was going to school and crying herself to sleep...I've never felt so helpless. I've started pouring more love on her and coddling her even if she doesn't seem like she needs it. There's not much more I can do...I'm trying to do everything I can. My house will go on the market in the next 10 days or so...I've filed for divorce...and I'm moving in with my parents until I can get on my feet.

It's difficult...all these things that our children experience, and I know we as parents want to shield them from the brunt of it...but we can't protect them from everything. The best thing is to take care of yourself and love him...nurture him...provide a healthy environment for him to grow up in... Ultimately, you have to let go of those things outside of your control...and do the best you can with what you have. Some days it's easier...other days, it's sooooo difficult. Please keep coming back here and posting when you need support. SR's a great forum with lots of caring people who only want the BEST for you and your son!

Email me anytime if you want to talk.

sunnygirl68

LadyHawk69...

My son had a hard time dealing with the loss of his dad due to incarceration a few years ago. Our church had a program called "Rainbows" for kids dealing with ANY kind of loss, death, divorce, break up, incarceration, abandonment, etc. It didnt cost a cent and it helped him tremendously to deal with and express his feelings. Might want to seek it out within your community.
I hope that might help you.

BBD

OMG~~it took me 1/2 the afternoon to figure out this was you....hug the boys!

Ann

I think when kids are allowed to talk about things and express their feelings, they are much more resilient than we think some times.

I'm sorry you are going through all this too, but like Limb said, just keep doing the next right thing and it will all fall in place.

Hugs

ladyhawk69

I'm hoping so, the problem lies in what's the next best thing? Chemo takes your mind, your body AND all your hair and I think a little sanity too. (not that I had much left after the exabf left me with nothing) I'm at my wits end all the way around. Add to that no finances and it makes for a very hard road. If I don't get any brownie points for heaven after all of this, I give up.............. Everyday I hear- "Stay positive, you're doing great", "It will get better", "you're so strong". No I'm not, I'm a second away to tears EVERYDAY, I hurt, I get confused, I have no stamina or energy etc; My poor kids are dealing with a mommy that is broken trying NOT to be. Strength is not even close...... I'm breaking

BBD

Maybe your financial statis will be a bit better after the benefit on Sunday. This area really pulls through with those....h.as any of your family come back up to help?? Are you involved with a support Group. They are at Brooks hon...I'm so sorry your feeling so down.

ladyhawk69

No, my family can't come because of my mom's status...new tumor, can't radiate. That's another story....... Support groups are fine and dandy and I've found some, but they don't come home with you! I just have to continue to have faith and believe in that. It's all I have left..................

Thanks..

BBD

and probably all you need......faith and hope. Hugs

coffeedrinker

I'm sorry Lady, it sounds really exhausting.

When I was going through chemo, people from church brought a meal twice a week. A smiling face walking into my house and leaving a lot of yummy food (most of which I couldn't eat!) was so wonderful. I always gratefully accepted it, as a token of people wanting to "do something".

Are you connected in such a way?

It also helped me to say often "this too shall pass". Doesn't make you feel better physically, but it is helpful to know, really know, that's it's temporary.

(((Hugs)))

ladyhawk69

No, I prepare meals for myself and kids. (Good thing they are little and don't need steak and eggs for breakfast) LOL I don't want to ask too much of my friends as they have lives of their own to deal with. (One of them just had surgery herself) My family is a 12 hr trip away and my mom has been in active cancer since 2002 so no help will even be asked for there. I babysit 3 days/nights a week for extra income so I have another child in the house too. (that makes 3) My neighbors did offer their riding lawn mower yesterday so the kids aren't playing in a 1 acre hay field! Yes, this too shall pass....but I've been doing it alone since August or December (depending on which date you count that he bailed) and it is getting harder. Past due bills he left behind and new ones that creep up coupled with the physical and mental demands sometimes are too much for one person to handle. I feel my kids are getting the short end of the stick and THAT is what makes me sad. This will pass......this will pass........ I'm trying to get over the anger but it still creeps up occasionally. Especially knowing that he is moving on with his life with help from his family. (Warm nice place to live, meals, decent car to drive, no insurance to pay for, no rent etc Funny how that works!? I will be filing in small claims court tomorrow so hopefully, the obligations he is responsible will be taken care of and that will no longer be a burden for me to bear. His family I'm sure still doesn't think he is responsible for anything but they have no idea (like usual) what REALLY happened behind these closed doors. Anyway...thanks coffee, getting a response from you does make me feel better!!! Big Hug!!