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Ciggarettes, OT ......

Old 05-04-2010, 09:16 PM
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Ciggarettes, OT ......

Hi SR buddies, been so dang busy w/ finals for school this past week, couldn't find time to post.
BUT

I tried, realllllllllllllllly tried to quit smoking. (ciggs) nothing illegal! (the little sober one over here.)

However, tonight... i just had enough.
Between parenting, finals, work, laundry, housework, workingout like crazy, (getting ready for beach weather dieting) etc.... i had a nice martini...... then came the ciggarette. I had made it 3 weeks. Over the hump. Over the physical withdrawls of nicotine. THREE DANG WEEKS, and I blew it... as i sit here typing and smoking.

WTF?

Is this waht addicts feel?

Granted Ciggarettes don't cause me to lie, cheat, or steal. They don't change my personality, etc.
BUT they are horrible to my health......... and all the other 'stuff' we know about smoking. So why? I don't know. Just wanted one. Just felt like "hey I deserve ONE friggin guilty pleasure in life".......................

Is this horrible?
I feel like this is what my dirtbag, (hee hee) *not nice I know* abf feels....... when he has got sober before and slipped.
Is it the same?

Why do I feel so guilty, and still want to do it.

Love u all
Hope you all are doing well,

Love and HUGS,
cess
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Old 05-05-2010, 06:32 AM
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I myself despise smoking (and hey, I picked it back up after four years of quitting), but.. I quit again.

The fact that you ask yourself.. and you're looking for clarification that smoking is okay, kind of indicates that you do think its "horrible" to an extent.

Smoking is legal. Smoke if you please. It's all a matter of who YOU want to be, and the things YOU want to do. If you think smoking doesn't negatively reflect your goals and character, then go for it.

I quit, because it disgusts me. I felt like a gross person. I had to depend on a stinky cigarette.. when really, I wanted to take pride in my health. So, it's up to you. Your decision. Only you can decide for yourself if it's horrible or now...
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Old 05-05-2010, 10:05 AM
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Is this waht addicts feel?
Something close to it. It's why they're told they have to 100% embrace sobriety, because of the relapse potential.

Each time I quit smoking I abstained from alcohol for at least 3 months. I learned to do that because of relapse. I started smoking again during my daughter's first detox, because I was sitting around with nothing to do and cigarettes were everywhere. I haven't quit again because I DREAD all the behavioral changes I'll have to make. Quitting is easy, it's the after part that is hard. In that way, I'm very much like the active addicts we talk about here, who are in maintenance mode.
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Old 05-05-2010, 06:55 PM
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I too am an on again/off again smoker. My last go around I used Chantix. I did not experience any of the side effects that some people do.
There were days I forgot I was a smoker. And still, I made the decision to light up, again. No excuses. I own it.

As an aside, my daughter quit smoking about 6-7 weeks ago. She said it was easy compared to quitting heroin. I'll take her word for it.
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Old 05-05-2010, 07:07 PM
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I've been contemplating quitting too, but know that in the middle of the chaos that is my life lately I won't commit. Plus I too have quit before and it blows. My friend used heroin and picked up smoking when he got clean. When he quit smoking he said the smoking was harder to give up than the heroin. I think it's such a behavioral thing, that might be why. It was just one cigg right? You can get back on track!
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Old 05-05-2010, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
dirtbag boyfriend, huh? why on earth would someone lay claim to and refuse to let go of someone they hold in such poor regard, i wonder???? there's a message in there somewhere, i'm sure..........
No message -- and I don't 'refuse' to let go. I have 'let go'., but when it comes to *** the man, friend, etc, he's my love. When it comes to *** the addict, yea-- sorry, I call that a "dirtbag". Period. Just like I call myself "white trash" with a ciggarette hanging out of my mouth, it's gross.... and being a drug addict is being a dirtbag. its all perception, and I can't look at addiction in the soft, "awww he's got a problem" kinda way. In fact, I don't look at it much at all anymore..............
That post was about 'quitting' something, and not wanting to.... and wondering if its similar to what an addict feels, that's it.

Love,
Cess
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:49 PM
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I came on here to say “hey” to people I used to speak to a lot…….

My thread was OT (specifically) just chatting about addiction, and things of that nature w/ smoking.

Again, If I can’t state, that I think an addicts behavior is “dirtbagish”, then oh well. That’s what I feel. PERIOD. I didn’t ask for comments on HIM, that post was about me.

FURTHERMORE, (anvil), I’m not going to take forever here posting back and forth about something so trivial, but really-- you yourself stated what despicable behavior you had while in active addiction-- I guess you weren’t acting like a dirt bag, ignoring everything important in your life-- for the sake of a drug?

For the record, I am not smoking, I slipped that one day, and was strong enough not do it again. ALSO, I refuse to post on SR again, for it seems there’s always that ONE person, that wants to twist what I have to say, and turn the subject into something its not.

IT”S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT US! and that’s what my post was, BUT YEP, someone had to extrapolate the ONE comment I made about the abf, and attempt to have a novice try at psychoanalyzing my words and make the conversation into how I feel about HIM!.

I apologize if I offended any addicts, by saying the behavior is that of a dirt bag- but gee, lets run down the story of WHAT ADDICTS DO, and I think that behavior is pretty much “dirt bag”, hurtful, etc, (it really doesn’t matter to me at this point - my tolerance for addiction is GONE.)
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