Give him one more chance?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 76
If he wants to return to school and work, that's great. But it sounds to me that you are in a good place mentally; so why ruin that? If he really wants to get back on his feet, he'll find a way to do it himself. And if he does it himself- that degree will be such a huge accomplishment for him. I think that you staying strong, & keeping distance will help him & you in the long run. If he does go back to using- he won't live with you. And if he doesn't go back to using- he can feel the sense of pride that he did it all by himself. In my nar anon group I've heard so many similiar stories... and when they move back home, it's usually not good. Personally I have never heard a success story. Take care.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
When my son hit a bottom (that was not jail)
I offered long-term treatment...and he went,for the 3rd time, but this time for 18 mos.
The other two times were only for a month ea.
But this last time was different...he decided he wanted to live differently and he stayed long enough to figure out how.
Many of his peers at the rehab were motivated by jail. One gal got out of jail to go to rehab then after completing that she went back to college, graduated and has been sober three yrs.
That being said, some who did long-term with him have relapsed. My son has been smart enough to chose sober friends now and stay close to AA.
Let's have faith that this is your son's time !!!!
I offered long-term treatment...and he went,for the 3rd time, but this time for 18 mos.
The other two times were only for a month ea.
But this last time was different...he decided he wanted to live differently and he stayed long enough to figure out how.
Many of his peers at the rehab were motivated by jail. One gal got out of jail to go to rehab then after completing that she went back to college, graduated and has been sober three yrs.
That being said, some who did long-term with him have relapsed. My son has been smart enough to chose sober friends now and stay close to AA.
Let's have faith that this is your son's time !!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm way older than your son, but I lost a LOT and am working at a McD's, barely scraping by.
When I got out of a diversion center, which is like a work-release, in custody program where I had to PAY to be locked up, I stayed in a ratty motel, surrounded by crackheads (my DOC), rode the bus 2-1/2 hours each way (to get 6 miles to work) to do what I had to do. THAT was humbling.
I DID move home when I had to miss a month of work for a staph infection in my leg. During my time at home, I was on probation and ran into a "friend" from the diversion center and started "dabbling" with crack, not much, quit for several months. As soon as I returned to work, I paid rent, I paid bills, I checked into school, etc. I did not work recovery.
I eventually relapsed...only a little over a week, but it was bad. I was allowed to stay home, but only because I immediately got another job, SHOWED I was in recovery and built back trust. That was over 3 years ago.
I think a sober living facility, looking back at how I did things, would have done me better. Living at home was just too easy for me, even with the rules. It's not a problem NOW, because I have some solid recovery.
Jail didn't give me recovery...it just gave me forced clean time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
When I got out of a diversion center, which is like a work-release, in custody program where I had to PAY to be locked up, I stayed in a ratty motel, surrounded by crackheads (my DOC), rode the bus 2-1/2 hours each way (to get 6 miles to work) to do what I had to do. THAT was humbling.
I DID move home when I had to miss a month of work for a staph infection in my leg. During my time at home, I was on probation and ran into a "friend" from the diversion center and started "dabbling" with crack, not much, quit for several months. As soon as I returned to work, I paid rent, I paid bills, I checked into school, etc. I did not work recovery.
I eventually relapsed...only a little over a week, but it was bad. I was allowed to stay home, but only because I immediately got another job, SHOWED I was in recovery and built back trust. That was over 3 years ago.
I think a sober living facility, looking back at how I did things, would have done me better. Living at home was just too easy for me, even with the rules. It's not a problem NOW, because I have some solid recovery.
Jail didn't give me recovery...it just gave me forced clean time.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
