Turning the page...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Turning the page...
Well,
He came here (to my home) after being released from the psych ward 10 days ago. I knew it was a risky proposition but he had nowhere else to go and he seemed sincere about doing what he needed to do to finally lay the bottle down.
The boundaries were clear.ly stated...
Take medication as prescribed.
No drinking. If an IOP was necessary or AA meetings or whatever it took, no drinking.
Things have been a little shaky but I hoped for his sake, if no one else's, that he'd finally surrender.
It didn't work out.
Found his 'stash' (rum) downstairs while doing laundry yesterday morning.
Asked him about it and he lied. I understand why he lied. I get it.
But that's it.
15 years together but we've come to the end of the road.
He signed a lease for an apt. and he's moving out on Wednesday.
Our son (11 years old) is okay with it.
He understands.
I'm proud of the way he's handling this turn of events.
I'm at peace. It was a long time coming. I can't say I didn't hold out hope that his recent psychotic episode and 10 days in a locked psych ward would wake him up but his addiction is bigger than all of it...
at least for now...
Its sad.
I'm at peace...I feel good that I'm enforcing this boundary because I know its the right thing to do. His addiction and my recovery cannot coexist. My recovery promises peace... But I feel sad that despite all of the hope, praying, struggling, love, and encouragment, he still isn't ready to surrender.
Today I'm saying a prayer for him...
hoping he finds happiness somewhere...somehow...no matter what he chooses to do in the future.
I just want to thank all of you who have been here for me.
To those of you who posted and shared your support, experience, and recovery with me during the last several weeks...I can't thank you enough...
You're all in my prayers today and so are the addicts you love.
Mary
He came here (to my home) after being released from the psych ward 10 days ago. I knew it was a risky proposition but he had nowhere else to go and he seemed sincere about doing what he needed to do to finally lay the bottle down.
The boundaries were clear.ly stated...
Take medication as prescribed.
No drinking. If an IOP was necessary or AA meetings or whatever it took, no drinking.
Things have been a little shaky but I hoped for his sake, if no one else's, that he'd finally surrender.
It didn't work out.
Found his 'stash' (rum) downstairs while doing laundry yesterday morning.
Asked him about it and he lied. I understand why he lied. I get it.
But that's it.
15 years together but we've come to the end of the road.
He signed a lease for an apt. and he's moving out on Wednesday.
Our son (11 years old) is okay with it.
He understands.
I'm proud of the way he's handling this turn of events.
I'm at peace. It was a long time coming. I can't say I didn't hold out hope that his recent psychotic episode and 10 days in a locked psych ward would wake him up but his addiction is bigger than all of it...
at least for now...
Its sad.
I'm at peace...I feel good that I'm enforcing this boundary because I know its the right thing to do. His addiction and my recovery cannot coexist. My recovery promises peace... But I feel sad that despite all of the hope, praying, struggling, love, and encouragment, he still isn't ready to surrender.
Today I'm saying a prayer for him...
hoping he finds happiness somewhere...somehow...no matter what he chooses to do in the future.
I just want to thank all of you who have been here for me.
To those of you who posted and shared your support, experience, and recovery with me during the last several weeks...I can't thank you enough...
You're all in my prayers today and so are the addicts you love.
Mary
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
You definitely sound like you are at peace!
It's okay to be sad. I was sad for years after I left the EXAH because he refused recovery.
Do something extra nice for yourself because your recovery is shining brightly, gal! :ghug3
It's okay to be sad. I was sad for years after I left the EXAH because he refused recovery.
Do something extra nice for yourself because your recovery is shining brightly, gal! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Out, I know exactly how you feel. I felt as if I was surrendering that I could not control it. I too felt that sense of peace. I've bounced around all over the place since then.
You seem like you're in a good place. My kids (9 yo twins) are actually doing much better now that they KNOW what's going on. For a long time it was daddy's going here, there etc. Now they KNOW and they can grasp that. It hit them hard @ first that he's in jail. Now we can talk openly about it.
I hope you keep your focus on you and your son. You will both feel peace once he's actually out and settled. From then on you can know what to expect each day instead of something always coming out of left field derailing your plans/intentions. That's the way it was for me anyway.
You seem like you're in a good place. My kids (9 yo twins) are actually doing much better now that they KNOW what's going on. For a long time it was daddy's going here, there etc. Now they KNOW and they can grasp that. It hit them hard @ first that he's in jail. Now we can talk openly about it.
I hope you keep your focus on you and your son. You will both feel peace once he's actually out and settled. From then on you can know what to expect each day instead of something always coming out of left field derailing your plans/intentions. That's the way it was for me anyway.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I can honestly say I'm sorry, because my heart hurts for all of you. This wasn't easy, it wasn't hasty, it was just the next right thing to do.
Your 11 year old boy has probably sensed the tension, the fear and the chaos, so peace with one parent will be much better for him.
Keeping you all in my prayers, even your ex because all addicts who still suffer need our prayers most.
You gave it all your best, including the ending. Well done.
Big Hugs
Your 11 year old boy has probably sensed the tension, the fear and the chaos, so peace with one parent will be much better for him.
Keeping you all in my prayers, even your ex because all addicts who still suffer need our prayers most.
You gave it all your best, including the ending. Well done.
Big Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Mary)))) You have always been thoughtful and compassionate in each step you take on your journey. You think about your son, you think about your XAH, and you have learned to think about yourself too. I know it is so difficult and sad, but you should be proud of yourself for sticking to your boundaries. Prayers for all of you...Have a peaceful weekend and take some time for yourself. 
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
But I feel sad that despite all of the hope, praying, struggling, love, and encouragment, he still isn't ready to surrender. - I am so sorry things aren't turning out as you would have wished. I am exactly where you are...I had hope all week that AH was doing better...then I saw him this morning...and my stomach dropped...there was no denying what I saw...my heart hurt! But I have to let him go...if he's ever going to find recovery, it will have to be without me because as you said everything I've tried over the years just hasn't worked...it just hasn't...so I'm at a loss...
Thank you for being so open to us...it helps to know we share together...we hurt together...and we'll get better together...I wish you and your son all the best...one day at a time...that's all you have to do...the next right thing.
Thank you for being so open to us...it helps to know we share together...we hurt together...and we'll get better together...I wish you and your son all the best...one day at a time...that's all you have to do...the next right thing.
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