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What do i want, What am i doing, What do i need

Old 04-28-2010, 10:48 PM
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What do i want, What am i doing, What do i need

I loved this part of Jenny1232's other thread (thanks Jenny1232!!) so i copy & pasted it here and thought it would be neat if we had a thread for sharing

What do I want in Life and we can choose to also include...
Am i doing any of it, what i need to do

Originally Posted by Jenny1232 View Post
I have so much I want for myself, in all honesty.

I want to continue my education
I want to get back into my health and fitness
I want to seek God.. or something of that nature
I want to find peace and contentment within myself
I want to get into therapy and discover why I am the way I am
I want to travel and explore

I'm actually doing most of those things. I'm still in school. I'm educating myself on self-improvement and recovery everyday. I've dropped my drug addict friends. I've started really thinking about what makes ME happy, and what I want. I have sought out, positive, healthy friends. I took a random road trip to NYC over the weekend.

What I need to do:

I need to find a church.. or a good book, and educate myself on religion. I'm not a believer, because I'm ignorant. I don't know where to begin with this one.

I need to begin my exercise routine again. I've been too sad to do it. I can't get out and mountain bike or hike that much, because I have no one to do it with, and it's dangerous alone. I've been seeking out people for that.

I find it difficult to get into rock climbing again, because I have a serious neck injury. I'm waiting on an MRI, which I can't get until June. Rock climbing was my biggest out. It made me happier than anything too, so I'm a tad miserable without it.

Therapy - I'm trying to figure that one out. I'm a bit detered about therapy now. I had a therapist who denied seeing me, because I denied AA. All I wanted to do was discover all my repressed feelings, and she shut me out. I went to another one afterward, and I didn't like her too much. It's also very hard when you're broke, and it conflicts with your work schedule. This, is the closest I have come to therapy.. but I'm thinking about a solution to this problem. I may in fact.. seek out the abused women's shelter group, just simply, for support.

So, thanks for letting me lay it all out. I'm mopey and depressed.. but I am doing most of the things I need to do...
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Old 04-28-2010, 10:59 PM
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What do i want? what i want, or know i want at this time in my life, and for my future

- i want to continue on my path to happiness. i've been happy lately other than the recent interruptions within the relationship. on my own i've been learning to be ok, i want to continue on this path and i want to be happy happy on the inside, and i want to be able to deal with my sadness in a way that is healthy (i realize i can't always be happy)
- I run my own business, i want to grow grow grow grow it
- i want to travel
- i want to join an improv group
- healthy mind! mental health!
- i want to get back to writing my column (i have a column in a paper and haven't written for it since mid-march! ack!)
- i want to get back to tending to my body exercise (i used to run every day, i haven't been running for a year!)

i'm sure i have more but i can't think of more yet

What I Am Doing

- therapy
- started reading chopra
- went to a meeting, must go to more!!!
- the last few days have been bad, i've neglected work, but today i worked hard and am catching up

i need to do more!

What i Need To Do
- just get up and exercise! sheesh!
- learn to guide my thinking out of negative thoughts and into healthy thoughts
- eat properly
- save money for one vacation
- do the research and find an improv group
- go to alanon meetings 3x/ week



i'm gonna keep posting here and see how this list changes.

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Old 04-29-2010, 05:33 AM
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cant make a list of what I need to do... I just know that I want to not have most of my thoughts be of his addiction. I can make one of what I have done to get to that point.

I joined me & the kids back up at the Y. We are having a blast. We have went more times in the first month than we did the whole time we had the membership 7 yrs ago.

I have made a change in my diet to focus on more healthy. Staying away from the mindless stress eating. I have lost 8 lbs of the 30 I packed on over the last year.

I made a visit to a UU church and I have finally found the missing part of my spiritual well being. There are loads of social justice programs available through this church that will help me to find a place to be a help to others.

I am really liking this new job and I am working hard to shape it into an offer of a full time position.

Glad to report that I can go all day sometimes without thinking of this addiction once I get my day going. Not a lot of days but enough that I consider it progress.
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Old 04-29-2010, 06:09 AM
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Good thread here. It occurred to me that if I had made this list a few years back it would have looked something like this...

What I wanted...

Inner peace
A life that was not filled with fear 24 hours a day
Happiness, even in small things and quiet times.
To get to know that stranger called "me" and
learn to dream again.

What I needed to do...

I needed to learn to let go of my fear by turning it into
faith and find a spirituality that could calm my soul.
I needed to get grounded by surrounding myself with support.
I needed to go to my meetings, listen to those who went before me
and learn to work 12 little steps that I was told could save my life (and they did).

I am pleased to say that today my life is happy and by doing what I needed to do, I found those things I was looking for.

Today I need to...

Stay connected to my Higher Power that I choose to call God.
Keep my program of recovery fresh by sharing with others
and taking care of myself each day.
I need to remember gratitude and count my many blessings each day.

I learned that I may not always get what I want, but I will
always get what I need, and that has made all the difference.

Hugs
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Old 04-29-2010, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by OceanSize View Post
- i want to get back to tending to my body exercise (i used to run every day, i haven't been running for a year!)
Great post! This made me think... You haven't been running for a year. You've been with your boyfriend, for, a year and half I believe?

Does that indicate in anyway.. that you've let yourself fall to the wayside?

When I met my ex, I was EXTREMELY active... about five months into it, I was a lazy slob.

Just a thought...
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Old 04-29-2010, 04:01 PM
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another good thing to add to this list is:

What is one thing I can do TODAY to move myself towards one of my goals?

And then do it.

PS. It can't be something that you would normally do that day.

I try to take a babystep everyday - even if it's a teeny tiny babystep towards a teeny tiny goal. somedays I might manage two. But I figure, perpetual motion in the right direction, will eventually get me where I want to go.
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Old 04-30-2010, 01:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Jenny1232 View Post
Great post! This made me think... You haven't been running for a year. You've been with your boyfriend, for, a year and half I believe?

Does that indicate in anyway.. that you've let yourself fall to the wayside?

When I met my ex, I was EXTREMELY active... about five months into it, I was a lazy slob.

Just a thought...
direct correlation. absolutely direct.
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Old 04-30-2010, 01:48 AM
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wow, here's an applicable reading, chapter 1 from The Language Of Letting Go - i am finally starting to read some literature...

The Language of Letting Go Melody Beattie
January 1 The New Year
Make New Year’s goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you’re interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren’t controlling others with our goals—we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down—as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go. Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are
pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.
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Old 04-30-2010, 08:38 AM
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I really like the idea of writing goals down. Whether or not you follow through with them.. they are there on paper. I've done it multiple times, in various notebooks. I've gone back, years later and looked.. and the sad thing is.. I've always had the same goals, but didn't accomplish much.

Over three years ago, when I was 19, I was an inpatient in a center due to bulimia. It dealt with intensive therapy. One of my goals was to start with school! I'm two classes away from getting my A.S. It may have taken forever.. but I took the steps to get there.

Thanks for this lovely post, oceansize!
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Old 04-30-2010, 12:33 PM
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what do I want: for many years I wanted/trained to run a marathon for the leukemia/lymphoma society, strangely wasnt able to as I had lymphoma 2 times...but I kept up with running/exercising and even taught exercise classes until my AH problems interfered with my life and it all came to a halt as I became depressed/angry with living with his addiction. aiming again to some day run a mini marathon.

what am I doing: running again and exercising, painting the inside of the house, snowshoveled by myself and now mowing the lawn and planting flowers. laughing again with coworkers and trying to keep busy with things
I like doing (movies,shopping,exercising) caring for house which I didnt do for a long time.

what do I need: I dont know, I take it 1 day at a time and try to fulfill my day as best as I can. of course to continue with remission is what I hope for.
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Old 04-30-2010, 01:33 PM
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What I want: inner peace and a heart full of love and forgiveness, I want to hold my head up high and be happy with who I am. I want to move forward in life and become the best I can be. I want to finish high school and start college as a Fresh new begining.

What I am doing: finishing my last month of high school, busting my behind to get the rest of the credits I need. Going to therapy and spending alot of time with good friends. I start college in July. I'm looking within myself to find the strength I need to go forward. I'm finding myself.

What do I need: to finish high school, prepare myself to enter a new phase in life, learn to love myself

thank you for your posts, they were truly inspirational
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Old 05-01-2010, 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Jenny1232 View Post

Over three years ago, when I was 19, I was an inpatient in a center due to bulimia. It dealt with intensive therapy. One of my goals was to start with school! I'm two classes away from getting my A.S. It may have taken forever.. but I took the steps to get there.

Thanks for this lovely post, oceansize!

you are welcome, one ED to another.....

(inpatient too, the whole nine yards)

(i am recovering - i got healthy from my program 8 years ago)

in fact, recently i found something we did in my ED group at inpatient, where we all wrote notes for each other to put in a recovery envelope. i hadn't looked inside. 2 months ago i looked inside. more than one person wrote the same thing to me. "you are creative"

and funny thing is, before i opened the envelope, i had been telling my therapist that i felt like a disappointment, that i am not creative or inventive.

what's the point of my story? recovery.

goals matter, writing our thoughts matters, and sharing these stories really matters.

i know i keep using the same group hug icon but....i do love it so

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Old 05-01-2010, 04:27 PM
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Wow, I had an eating disorder too. We do love to torture ourselves don't we? This thread is incredible, you guys have inspired me to make my own list. I am going out with a friend tonight for a drink, this is something I totally stopped doing. I didn't even realize I had cut myself off. I hope you all continue to get stronger, and I hope I will be stronger soon too. I think the beating the whole codependent thought process is going to be tough, but I'm gonna kick it's ass eventually! LOL
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Old 05-02-2010, 06:43 AM
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what do i want
*i want to have days where i stay on my own side of the street, in my head
*i want to feel truly appreciative of everywhere i've been, embrace the ugly times, as
necessary for my growth and getting to where i've (hopefully) gotten
*my daughter to choose sobriety & work the program
*i want to feel that i'm defined more by how i see myself, than how others see me

what am i doing
*therapy
*piano lessons
*socializing again, with a variety of people
*spending a lot of time with my youngest daughter (still in the house)
*breaking out of isolation (still spend too much time alone, posting on s/r!)
*visualizing my future life, how i want to be, what i want to be, possible job change

what do i need
*to learn to live without the "what if's" and "what could have been" and regrets
*to start journaling
*to finish my 4th and 5th step
*pay attention to my physical health - start walking again, try & afford a gym mem.ship


Thanks for this thread!
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Old 05-02-2010, 09:15 PM
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I bought a new journal to start that new chapter in my life I'm doing right now
Im starting to run again and lose that fast food weight I gained w/ my lazy ex
I am finishing nursing school
I want to move out of my house by the summer
Im making new friends
Im doing new things
Im figuring out who I am before I get into that next relationship
I am going to buy myself a massage when Im done with finals
I am getting some good rest (finally!)
I am really trying to relax (always an issue)
Whatever happens, happens. I cant control what my future is going to be beyond trying my hardest.
I am learning to accept that things didnt work out the way I thought they would.....and thats ok.
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