Jenny1232

Where to begin..

So two nights ago, we cried and cried together on the phone. I kept saying, I didn't understand why it had to end.

The next night - I KNEW it had to end. I felt guilty for what I had to do next. I sent him an email, and I told him I just couldn't do it. I was letting go.

He sent me so many messages, asking me why I'm giving up. HE DOESN'T SEE WHY. He said it's my fault. 75% of problems are due to me being so critical. I'm thinking the whole, you are only reassuring WHY I'm doing this.

Have I mentioned how much I love this man? I'm so deeply in love, but...

I STUCK TO MY BOUNDARIES AND I'M SO IMPRESSED WITH MYSELF. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

I told him, the only way I'd even consider staying with him was through couples therapy. He said, that I can go to therapy, because he doesn't need it. This conversation went on for about three hours. I stayed persistent. He chose to deny therapy.. so I told him goodbye.

For once, I feel extremely confident in my decision. It is with the help of you all. He thinks I'm ridiculous for being on this forum as well. He thinks that you all are feeding me lies and BS. Ay ay ay...

I feel GREAT! Wow, I feel great. I'm sure I'll be crying on the way home lol, but I don't think I've ever been so proud for making a decision and standing by it.

pinkrose77

congratulations! i just wanted to tell you that your story is an inspiration to me. you have struggled with and overcame so much. thank you so much for sharing.

Jenny1232

Aww, thanks pinkrose. I was exactly where you are. I'm no where near okay with it.. but each day that I come here, I feel myself getting so much stronger. I would keep posting, and reading. I have spent countless hours just reading others stories, and its helped me SO much!

Seriously, keep coming back. I'm so happy I randomly stumbled across this site! You'll get there, I promise you.

ThatLittleGirl

That's awesome...it's so hard when they are pouring on the sweet words...crying...making promises...not to let your knees wobble. But you are doing the right thing for YOU...that's the problem...he thinks it's ridiculous because it's not the best thing for HIM...it's not how you've enabled him the past...so all this change isn't a good thing for someone who's used to the old "you"...but it's a fantastic first step for the new "YOU"... Keep up the good work...thanks for the update...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...it's never easy to walk-away...we always second-guess...we always hurt...but I had a friend say something to me once fifteen years ago when I was going through another bad relationship (hmmmm...pattern here for me) and couldn't let go...she said, "The hell you know is more comfortable than the heaven that awaits you"...she was right...!!!It's always stuck and given me the courage to move forward even when I was scared to death...

Jenny1232

As much as I cry and hurt, I feel so good about this. I was constantly walking on eggshells with him. I couldn't talk to certain people. I was scared to mention certain things.. anything. It just plain SUCKED.

I'm so happy and excited for the "NEW" me!

pinkrose77

It feels good to finally put yourself first. The scariest part of doing that is figuring out exactly what YOU want, and not what you can do to please other people or accommodate other people. I am excited to get to the point that you are at now! your advice is more than helpful.

Freedom1990

I can identify. Mine was a control freak to the max, and I ended up isolated from friends and family.

I lived in fear 24/7.

It's a horrible way to live.

It took many years after I left him before addressing my underlying issues with codependency and men, so unfortunately I continued to seek out unhealthy men until I hit bottom.

Ending the relationship is the first big step. Then comes the internal work.

Jenny1232

Well I'm more than happy to help anyone! I had total strangers helping me in my despair, and I can't thank them enough!

Do you have an idea of what YOU want? I actually do.. I just need to tools to start making it happen. He.. he couldn't be included, unfortuantely. As much as I wanted him to.. he's not a part of my "big, happy plan" - I guess you could call it.

Jenny1232

wow, well put Freedom. I'm a control freak myself.. so I let it slide. I thought, "well, I understand where he's coming from". He kind of took it to extreme measures with his control though. Living your OWN life in fear of another person 24/7, just isn't worth it..

We only have one shot at life... I am so prepared and ready for the internal work. I'm really looking forward to it!

I was writing an email last night, relating back to my childhood.. and i just cried like crazy. I realized.. my childhood is affecting me BIG TIME. I need to address it, and soon...

coffeedrinker

jenny,

i am SO FLIPPIN proud of you


and NOT just cuz you held your ground with the ex-bf, but because you recognize that you deserve a life!! a life that is filled with good things - beauty, joy, and love - and you want to get all you can out of that life.

you are still going to hurt sometimes, and you are getting ready to touch on the source of some of your anguish. but you have a positive outlook, i can tell, and it's going to see you through.

all else i can say is

Jenny1232

Coffeedrinker! I love your replies, every single time! It feels so good to hear that you're proud of me, really.

I'm stuck in a rut at the moment. It's funny how things change within an hour. I'm still staying firm, but he's throwing the whole guilt thing... When he says how precious I am, I melt. I know it's all a part of the game.

I can honestly say.. if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be where I am. I know I've said it a lot, but it's so true. Part of me refuses to take him back.. because I will be to embarrassed to let it be known here.. Maybe that's a sick truth, but truth nonetheless.

coffeedrinker

aawww. this site has been a lifeline to me, too.

we're here for many reasons! and one is to hold you accountable. so....

Krys

WOO HOO!! You go woman!!!

sofacat

He thinks that you all are feeding me lies and BS. Ay ay ay...

Yeah, I got that same response from Mr. Sofa too! I guess they're just not used to us having a support group on our own. It's usually always about them.

You get a BIG "ATTA GIRL" from me too!!! It's so tough to stay firm on what you need, but in the end...that's what it's all about.

(((( BIG HUGS ))))