new here - exgirlfriend of an perscription pill addict
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new here - exgirlfriend of an perscription pill addict
yesterday my boyfriend called me in the middle of class. he told me he had been keeping something from me, and he had to tell me. it was the review for my final, but my heart sunk down into my chest and i walked out of class with no hesitation. i already knew. he told me since the day i caught him hes been getting high off perscription pills daily.
a little history: we've been dating for a year. when we began dating, i had no idea he was an addict. i knew he had experimented, but i had no idea the extent, and we were both in college so i didn't think it was that uncommon. shortly after we became exclusive he told me he was an addict and he had already been to rehab and was fine now. i didn't think there would be any problems.
he was kicked out of school, and moved in with his parents. i continued going to school on the other side of the state, and trying to make a relationship work. we got in a few arguments, but nothing terrible. i feel like it was hard for him to see me at school sometimes, and he was at home living with his dad. he didn't have very many friends at home, since a lot of his friends there were the ones he used to use with. he didn't have a job.
recently, i became sick of him not having a job. i literally took him out and pushed him to apply at every possible place i thought could be hiring. he got a job. this excitement was short lived as i soon found text messages on his phone talking about doing oxycontin. i was hurt, and scared. i had never experimented with drugs, so i felt like he took advantage of how naiive i was. he was perscribed suboxone, but still felt the urge to use. he expressed remorse for using that time, and i told him as long as he was honest with me i could deal with a relapse. he promised not to do it again, and i tried my best to see the signs (texting people he shouldn't because "he was bored", finding quick ways to get cash)
fast forward a month and a half. its ten days before my finals, and i get that phone call. all of the sudden my year long relationship is over. i have so many emotions and feelings. i am so angry with him for lying to me and hurting me. his sister has been talking to me a lot and keeping me posted so i can cut off all contact with him. i told him that i would try to be there for him as best i could when he decides to get help.
this sucks, cause now i'm alone. who's going to be there for me? who can help me? i feel like i just got screwed over. he wasted a year of my life. but i love him... so it wasn't really a waste. i keep listening to his voicemails and wondering if he was lying and getting high when he left me such sweet messages. he was my best friend, and now i can't even talk to him. the people who i do go to for comfort, say that "i deserve better" and to "walk away." it's not that easy. in fact, its the hardest thing i've ever done. i have so much anger, i just want to punch him in his face for deceiving me, but i also know he must be so scared right now. i want to be there for him, but i don't know how without enabling him.
a little history: we've been dating for a year. when we began dating, i had no idea he was an addict. i knew he had experimented, but i had no idea the extent, and we were both in college so i didn't think it was that uncommon. shortly after we became exclusive he told me he was an addict and he had already been to rehab and was fine now. i didn't think there would be any problems.
he was kicked out of school, and moved in with his parents. i continued going to school on the other side of the state, and trying to make a relationship work. we got in a few arguments, but nothing terrible. i feel like it was hard for him to see me at school sometimes, and he was at home living with his dad. he didn't have very many friends at home, since a lot of his friends there were the ones he used to use with. he didn't have a job.
recently, i became sick of him not having a job. i literally took him out and pushed him to apply at every possible place i thought could be hiring. he got a job. this excitement was short lived as i soon found text messages on his phone talking about doing oxycontin. i was hurt, and scared. i had never experimented with drugs, so i felt like he took advantage of how naiive i was. he was perscribed suboxone, but still felt the urge to use. he expressed remorse for using that time, and i told him as long as he was honest with me i could deal with a relapse. he promised not to do it again, and i tried my best to see the signs (texting people he shouldn't because "he was bored", finding quick ways to get cash)
fast forward a month and a half. its ten days before my finals, and i get that phone call. all of the sudden my year long relationship is over. i have so many emotions and feelings. i am so angry with him for lying to me and hurting me. his sister has been talking to me a lot and keeping me posted so i can cut off all contact with him. i told him that i would try to be there for him as best i could when he decides to get help.
this sucks, cause now i'm alone. who's going to be there for me? who can help me? i feel like i just got screwed over. he wasted a year of my life. but i love him... so it wasn't really a waste. i keep listening to his voicemails and wondering if he was lying and getting high when he left me such sweet messages. he was my best friend, and now i can't even talk to him. the people who i do go to for comfort, say that "i deserve better" and to "walk away." it's not that easy. in fact, its the hardest thing i've ever done. i have so much anger, i just want to punch him in his face for deceiving me, but i also know he must be so scared right now. i want to be there for him, but i don't know how without enabling him.
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Originally Posted by pinkrose77 
this sucks, cause now i'm alone. who's going to be there for me? who can help me? i feel like i just got screwed over. he wasted a year of my life. but i love him... so it wasn't really a waste.
"Experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you wanted"
I was in a very simliar situation as you, as many of us here are. It's never easy.. but as they told me, the right decision isn't always the easy one...
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you both have made excellent points. his dad kicked him out a few days ago after discovering my boyfriend stole a whole bunch of money from him. and hes been staying with a friend.. from what his sister last told me. he just sent me a text message telling me hes going to detox today but that i should never talk to him again because he's a **** up and always will be. this is all happening so fast which im glad about.. but im still getting over the fact that he lied to me.. which he obviously doesn't care about.. im so hurt and sad and confused.
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Originally Posted by pinkrose77
but that i should never talk to him again because he's a **** up and always will be. this is all happening so fast which im glad about.. but im still getting over the fact that he lied to me.. which he obviously doesn't care about.. im so hurt and sad and confused.
Lies are painful.. but I wouldn't go as far to say he doesn't care about you. If you read up more on addiction, it's just what addicts do. As everyone always recommends... read the sticky note at the top, "what addicts do"... It may help clarify some mixed feelings your having. Things will get better, if you want them to!
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i broke up with him yesterday, because of this issue (specifically him lying about using). after he told me, i said, well obviously we can't be together right now. but, we've been together for a year. i told him that as soon as he decided to get help i could be there for him, but it seems like i should just move on. but it's not that simple.. im just trying to focus on school as much as i can, but so many plans have changed. vacation plans, plans of moving in together after i'm done with school. there's a giant pile of his clothes, pictures, dvd's, everything, nowhere to hide it. can't throw it away. i dont know what to do.
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Sometimes, change is good. It brings on new beginnings! I'm proud of you for making that decision. You saved yourself from a messy, messy world. You'd be surprised at some of the things you will read that the addict has done, or stolen from their loved ones. It's scary.
It's never really simple. I lived with my boyfriend. I had tons of clothes, dvd's, a 50" tv, ruined vacation plans, shattered hopes and dreams. It's just a part of the process really. I truly believe, you'll be happier in the long run if you stick to your decision. Something brought you to it, just try and remember why you left...
It's never really simple. I lived with my boyfriend. I had tons of clothes, dvd's, a 50" tv, ruined vacation plans, shattered hopes and dreams. It's just a part of the process really. I truly believe, you'll be happier in the long run if you stick to your decision. Something brought you to it, just try and remember why you left...
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i feel that ending the relationship is the first part of the battle as an ex-partner. the real war is trying to move on. i keep going back to thinking "maybe this is just temporary. maybe he will get better and we can have a good relationship again." aside from the lack of job, and occasional fits of jealousy, he was an amazing boyfriend. he was caring and attentive, he would do anything to make me happy, except for stop using apparently. i just don't know if i'm ready to move on yet, but i don't know what to do in the mean time, and how to prepare myself for any outcome.
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Originally Posted by pinkrose77
there's a giant pile of his clothes, pictures, dvd's, everything, nowhere to hide it. can't throw it away. i dont know what to do.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
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I know what you're feeling. To be honest.. I'm sitting here with those same thoughts. Part of me is hoping, he'll come back and say he's open to couple's therapy, and he'll quit everything. That's just my wishful side thinking. My rational side tells me, if that happens, it won't be permanent.
You're dealing with an addict. That means, if you stay with him, you will be dealing with an addict for the entire duration of your partnership. That's not something that goes away, it's a constant battle for them.
I just keep telling myself.. there will be other amazing boyfriends. They will want to hold me and kiss me in the exact same way he does. They'll love me. He's not the only man in the world. I mean, think of ALL us women.. obsessing over our ONE man. We've got so many opportunities.. just open your eyes! It will come to you!
You're dealing with an addict. That means, if you stay with him, you will be dealing with an addict for the entire duration of your partnership. That's not something that goes away, it's a constant battle for them.
I just keep telling myself.. there will be other amazing boyfriends. They will want to hold me and kiss me in the exact same way he does. They'll love me. He's not the only man in the world. I mean, think of ALL us women.. obsessing over our ONE man. We've got so many opportunities.. just open your eyes! It will come to you!
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pinkrose,
welcome to s/r. this is a wonderful site, with lots of support and help for you. the thing is, most of us have walked in your shoes. we WISH others would learn a little from our experiences.
let me just say, that one year is just a blip in your long and wonderful life. it is not a waste. there are always lessons to be learned. the trick is finding the lesson.
he may truly believe he is a f**k up. that doesn't matter.
he may truly be sorry for hurting you.
what's important, is that you are moving on, because you know you deserve someone who has integrity, who you can love and trust and not have to sleep with one eye open.
we will support you.
welcome to s/r. this is a wonderful site, with lots of support and help for you. the thing is, most of us have walked in your shoes. we WISH others would learn a little from our experiences.
let me just say, that one year is just a blip in your long and wonderful life. it is not a waste. there are always lessons to be learned. the trick is finding the lesson.
he may truly believe he is a f**k up. that doesn't matter.
he may truly be sorry for hurting you.
what's important, is that you are moving on, because you know you deserve someone who has integrity, who you can love and trust and not have to sleep with one eye open.
we will support you.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington
Posts: 26
thanks so much coffeedrinker! i keep trying to take it a little bit at a time. I want to be there for him and support him if he's going to get help for himself. but i don't know how. also, he was not considering going to rehab until i told him that i wouldn't talk to him until he got help. i want him to do it for himself, not for me. if he does it for me, then it will be for the wrong reasons.
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