Bitter is an understatment

Old 04-25-2010, 08:07 PM
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Justme
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Bitter is an understatment

11 years of in and out of prison,detox, and rehab. And when everything was said and done we ended it. I had him leave because he started changing and wanted to go out all of a sudden. Pretty sure he cheated on me right before all the fighting started escalading. Never thought he would cheat all we ever fought about was drugs. Now its been about a year and a half he leaves with this chick and her kids. I know he loves me but it kills me to think he is with someone else. I feel jipped,ripped off! I gave everything and I feel rejected. It wasn't suppose to be this way. I loved him with all i have and he just moved on. To think someone I loved for so long is loving someone else. I remember the first couple months I just wanted to die now i can go day by day but i feel like i am in mouring. I resent him for not being here. I through him out because he wouldnt change but I never wanted it to be over i just wanted him to change.
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Old 04-25-2010, 08:29 PM
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If he was actively using it would probably just get worse since the disease is progressive. If he is active there will probably be more consequences for him. If he moved on so fast what does that say about his character? You will be fine in time. Are you going to Alanon?
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Old 04-26-2010, 06:14 AM
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It's quite natural for you to feel bitterness, but you have to move forward. This is from my post of affirmation yesterday - it was only a test, but this bit may offer you some encouragement.

God's love changes the way I think and feel. His love washes the toxic waste out of my mind and gives me a clean mind and a pure heart. My old way of thinking and feeling is gone. My mistakes and failures are cast into God's ocean of love. For the first time in my life, I dare to call God my Father and live as one of his children. God's love heals my damaged emotions, and my negative feelings and guilt are washed away in a tidal wave of love.

All those negative feelings will go away when you're ready to let go and move on with your life. I think God gave us tools to deal with loss, I think that is the mourning process. Anger is part of that process - just try not to get stuck there and do hang in, you're feeling anger for a reason. You just a suffered the loss of a loved one.

I heard once that divorce is harder to accept than death because the other person made a choice to leave us. But we still have to accept and move forward. I'm just comforted to know that I have been given the tools and that these feelings will lessen and finally come to an end.

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Old 04-26-2010, 06:20 AM
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In a more "feminine" vein: He was a bas*%#d anyway and you should be glad he's gone! Now you're free to find somone better. Someone worthy of the magnificent person you are.

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Old 04-26-2010, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by jlomanzo View Post
11 years of in and out of prison,detox, and rehab. And when everything was said and done we ended it. I had him leave because he started changing and wanted to go out all of a sudden.
Not sure if someone mentioned this yet.. but read the most recent thread just started by coffeedrinker. It's about when she went to thearpy. The very first two sentences you just mentioned can be "explained" in her therapists words. Perhaps you can relate...

I'm sorry for your heartache...
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:40 AM
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i'm sorry as well. i know that, as a parent, no words could describe the horrific pain of losing a child. but, i gotta say, second to that, this is surely the most painful thing to go through. there are layers of emotions involved, all wrapped up in hurt.

i think many of us could identify with the thread that jenny1232 mentioned. i paste it here for your convenience.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...d-my-eyes.html


i think it is very easy to overly romanticize the failed relationship when we're sitting with this. but you do know all of the trouble that was caused inside the relationship while you're still together. was this man, who was so uncommitted, near perfect in every way except that he had a history of drug use? is there something you can learn from the relationship, and your role in it? to not take with you in the rest of your life?

i'm not saying that to nail you, or rake you over the coals. i just hope that, even in your grief, you might be able to see the many ways that this was destined to end one day. i don't know your situation, or any details, just know that life with an addict is hard hard hard.

peace,
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Old 04-26-2010, 03:47 PM
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What a bummer... I know it hurts. But it's time to move on... What goes around comes around. Go find you a new man that will treat you like a Queen!
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