I finally see the light
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeastern, MA
Posts: 6
I finally see the light Well after 15 yrs of marriage to a crack addict, I am finally feeling strong enough to end this relationship.
After all these years of crack addiction, stealing, cheating, lying etc....I have finally had enough.
Last month I was visiting a friend for the weekend because I have learned that I am not putting my life on a shelf to take care of him. Anyway, I was 2 hours away from my house and I realized that I left my rent money in the house. Granted it was "hidden" but I couldn't believe I had been that absent minded to leave that behind. I didn't turn around, something inside me said not to. I was going to pray that he didn't find it and enjoy my weekend.
The weekend went well I had a great time with only a few "anxiety attacks" about the rent. On my way home I had a sinking feeling in my gut that the money was gone but I keep my cool.
Needless to say, as soon as I came in the house I knew it wasn't there. I went straight to the "hiding place" and it was moved so I knew. I was so
disgusted that he would actually do this. (as if I didn't know)
When he finally came home he was "so sorry" and "couldn't believe he spent it" blah blah. Then he said "don't worry, I will make it up" and then it happened..........before I realized what I was saying I said "don't bother, this is my way out and I am taking it!"
Wow, I couldn't believe I said it! Yay for me. It just brought back a lot of strength that I thought was gone a long time ago. The next day I went to a nice apt complex and filled out an application and I am now on the waiting list which should be about 6 months.
I told him that if he continued help pay for the bills he could stay until that time, but the minute he treats me poorly, stops with the bills or takes anything from this house he is out the door.
I feel good, I am starting to pack. Its nice to have this much time to pack at my own pace. I will be fare with him with our belongings.
Don't get me wrong I still love him and I always will. I wish nothing but happiness for him and I want to stay in contact with him, but I know I am done with the relationship!
A new life waits for me and I am excited and scared at the same time! :day6
After all these years of crack addiction, stealing, cheating, lying etc....I have finally had enough.
Last month I was visiting a friend for the weekend because I have learned that I am not putting my life on a shelf to take care of him. Anyway, I was 2 hours away from my house and I realized that I left my rent money in the house. Granted it was "hidden" but I couldn't believe I had been that absent minded to leave that behind. I didn't turn around, something inside me said not to. I was going to pray that he didn't find it and enjoy my weekend.
The weekend went well I had a great time with only a few "anxiety attacks" about the rent. On my way home I had a sinking feeling in my gut that the money was gone but I keep my cool.
Needless to say, as soon as I came in the house I knew it wasn't there. I went straight to the "hiding place" and it was moved so I knew. I was so
disgusted that he would actually do this. (as if I didn't know)
When he finally came home he was "so sorry" and "couldn't believe he spent it" blah blah. Then he said "don't worry, I will make it up" and then it happened..........before I realized what I was saying I said "don't bother, this is my way out and I am taking it!"
Wow, I couldn't believe I said it! Yay for me. It just brought back a lot of strength that I thought was gone a long time ago. The next day I went to a nice apt complex and filled out an application and I am now on the waiting list which should be about 6 months.
I told him that if he continued help pay for the bills he could stay until that time, but the minute he treats me poorly, stops with the bills or takes anything from this house he is out the door.
I feel good, I am starting to pack. Its nice to have this much time to pack at my own pace. I will be fare with him with our belongings.
Don't get me wrong I still love him and I always will. I wish nothing but happiness for him and I want to stay in contact with him, but I know I am done with the relationship!
A new life waits for me and I am excited and scared at the same time! :day6
Last edited by Kabella; 04-24-2010 at 04:56 AM. Reason: left out a word
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mass.
Posts: 49
BRAVO!! 
Enough is enough. Addiction is very tiresome, on both ends. You found the strength and realized you deserve better than that!!
Please keep your eyes open and your friends and family close, his desperation when you leave will be ten fold.
You always have support and friends here, please keep us posted!!
Enough is enough. Addiction is very tiresome, on both ends. You found the strength and realized you deserve better than that!!
Please keep your eyes open and your friends and family close, his desperation when you leave will be ten fold.
You always have support and friends here, please keep us posted!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tacoma, Washington
Posts: 25
Sorry about that Cabella but you are doing the right thing they don't change until its too late and like I explained to me AH you are not just stealing from me you are stealing from yourself because when I don't have you don't either but they still don't get it I've been married 16 years and with my husband for 20 years he's been addicted to crack meth and heroin which is his favorite and he's stole from me today he leaves and I'm sad but I know its for the best for both of us and I will be filing for divorce as soon as I can come up with the money I've tried everything but nothing works I just feel bad that it came to this but everything happens for a reason be strong and when your apartment is ready run run it only gets worse
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
kabella,
i am excited for you!
about the rent money: yep, when mine was using, i started hiding money and my jewelry. i moved stuff so often, i forgot where it was, and panicked and thought he took more times than i care to count. i have always found the money, which helped restore my trust that he was being sober and honest, but it sure was a nightmare for awhile. as he said at the time, "even if you say you believe me, you will still never trust me." it was very sad for us both.
anyway, i think this money incident was a blessing in disguise. it's alot of money, but what is a few hundred dollars in comparison to you getting the push you needed to get out and start living your life?
i am excited for you!
about the rent money: yep, when mine was using, i started hiding money and my jewelry. i moved stuff so often, i forgot where it was, and panicked and thought he took more times than i care to count. i have always found the money, which helped restore my trust that he was being sober and honest, but it sure was a nightmare for awhile. as he said at the time, "even if you say you believe me, you will still never trust me." it was very sad for us both.
anyway, i think this money incident was a blessing in disguise. it's alot of money, but what is a few hundred dollars in comparison to you getting the push you needed to get out and start living your life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeastern, MA
Posts: 6
RE: Coincidences
I just wanted to add, that 3 days after the "rent" incident occurred, I heard/read 3 of the most powerful song/statements on the same day.
.1) Oprah told us on her show that someone once told her that "when someone shows you their true colors, believe them the first time."
.2) It may have been on that same show, I can't remember but I learned the definition of "Insanity": doing the same thing and expecting different results.
.3) I heard for the first time (and its been out since 1995 when 'waiting to exhale' came out) but the song is by Toni Braxton "Let it flow".
That song is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. Not just about your partner but about life in general.
I have a butterfly tattoo on my back/neck and I'm going to add those words underneath it because I think its so fitting.
Those three things together have been stuck in my head since that day and I believe they were given to me and many others as a tool to use for strength.
Well, I just wanted to put it out there....someone may hear the 3 and feel the same way I do about it!
.1) Oprah told us on her show that someone once told her that "when someone shows you their true colors, believe them the first time."
.2) It may have been on that same show, I can't remember but I learned the definition of "Insanity": doing the same thing and expecting different results.
.3) I heard for the first time (and its been out since 1995 when 'waiting to exhale' came out) but the song is by Toni Braxton "Let it flow".
That song is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. Not just about your partner but about life in general.
I have a butterfly tattoo on my back/neck and I'm going to add those words underneath it because I think its so fitting.
Those three things together have been stuck in my head since that day and I believe they were given to me and many others as a tool to use for strength.
Well, I just wanted to put it out there....someone may hear the 3 and feel the same way I do about it!
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