Pills, Pills, Pills and more pills
 

Back injuries for addicts is not pleasant, looking at those pill bottles that say take as needed is like winning the super bowl for addiction. The pain management doctor is standing on the sidelines calling in the winning plays.

He's been laid off from work for over a month, and his days are filled with counting pills, taking pills, counting pills, worrying about getting more pills, scamming more prescriptions, using various different pharmacies and always having a zero balance in his checking account.

My days have been filled with going to work, calling my sponsor and getting to as many meetings as I possible can. My daily mantra is let go and let god!!!!!! I am doing what I need to do for me, I am not giving him any money and when he attempts to scam me by saying certain bills need to be paid I tell him ok then give me the bill and I will take care of it.........that of course causes him distress and anger erupts...........o well I refuse to back down on my boundary and he knows that, those conflicts are becoming less and less.

Yesterday he started his rants about going to detox and getting himself help, today he's scamming his friend (the PA at the pain management doctor) for more pills. It was a conversation I could not help over hearing. Again let go and let god!!!!

Tomorrow he has an appointment with yet another pain management doctor to get on suboxone. He has called a dextor center but they need results from his last blood work reference his lithium count before they will take him. He did call his doctor for that but left a message that was not understandly and they called him back. He's confused on who called him and why so he contacted his insurance carrier to find out if they approved it and they have no clue what he is talking about..........so again...let go and let god.....if this is the path he truly wants to take he'll figure it out.

I guess I am just venting and needing some support to keep me out of “crazyville” with my own obsession of his addiction.

Heading out to lunch with a friend from al-anon and doing what I need to do for me.

So the weekend has been filled with him bounding back and forth from going to detox to saying he can detox himself. I just listen and not make any comments, of course in my head I am screaming – well if you could detox yourself then why haven't you been able to. Then he plays the old tapes of getting on suboxone and actually using it the correct way instead of taking it along with the pain pills. Again I want to scream, you couldn't do that before either, what's going to be so different this time.

His getting into detox has been approved by his insurance but the facility wants current blood work regarding his lithium levels. He got a scrip from his doctor for that blood work on Friday night, yet couldn't wake up on Saturday morning to go have it done. So his addicted brain is putting it off until Monday and today he is working hard on scamming more pills from his friend the PA at the pain management center.

Guess he's not ready to surrender yet, at least not right now because he's on his way to get more pills. Now, all that could change by this afternoon, then change again by tonight. Tomorrow is a long way away and I have no expectations that tomorrow will be any different then today with the exception of me. I plan on getting up and going to work and taking care of my responsibilities, if he does decide to go to detox he'll get himself there.

Today I am going out shopping and working hard keeping the focus off his addiction.........

Thanks for listening cynical one, I need reassurance these days, lots of reassurance.....

Thanks sofacat, yes I have a few places I can go to get some "me" space but so far I haven't felt the need. I am back at work today, that helps and I keep myself busy all weekend and spent a good deal of time away from him.

I'm gonna hit the gym after work then a meeting. I think my reaction to the situation has changed drastically because last night he said I act as if I don't even care, my response was I love you and have to respect the decisions YOU chose to make and I ask that you respect mine as well..........he kind of didn't know how to react so he didn't.

((((((Alatose))))))

Big Cyber hugs to you and good for you for continuing to take care of yourself and keeping your boundaries during the chaos.

Big Cyber hugs to you and good for you for continuing to take care of yourself and keeping your boundaries during the chaos.

I second that!!!! :c011:

Dear Atalose-

I like your attitude. I'm proud of you. It's tough to stand our ground when they are trying to work their best tricks. Keep doing what you are doing.

Let go and let God. This is you-> :lala

Luv,
Christen

Thank you Christen I need all the cheerleaders I can muster right now!!!! That's been my mantra all week.......Let Go and Let God.

As of right now, he's not high on his pills and he's talking about getting the blood work done early tomorrow morning, signing checks and getting his bills in order for me to mail out when he's in detox. So we'll see, tomorrow may be a whole different ball game but the one thing I know for sure is I will continue doing what I am doing because it's working for me.

Today he called me while I am at work to tell me he went to get his blood work done but there was construction going on in the parking lot and he spent over 45 minutes looking for a place to park. I don’t react I simple say”O” then I changed the subject.

The last several days he’s managed to CONTROLL his intact of pills so he’s not all messed up all day long. It appears he struggles the most in the evening and at night, that’s when I keep myself busy and go about MY business. There has been no fighting or arguing I don’t offer my opinions unless I am asked and I really am feeling good about myself and the way I am handling this.

I have faith he will end up in detox by the weekend, he’s truly feeling his addiction kicking his A**. It’s become obvious to him that there is no way he himself can control it or stop it on his own.

Is it bad of me to want this “mini” detox vacation for myself???? Even thought I am handing it pretty good I sure could use the break…..

My long term solution is to keep working my program and get myself stronger. If he does not go to detox I will begin arraignments to move out and close this chapter in my life for good.

He's been down this road before, had many years clean did the detox's, did the rehabs, did the sober living...............all of which were forced on him by either his parents or the last time, 6 years ago an attorney in an attempt to reduce his pending charges.

Not sure if it's because he's getting older or what but this time he actually wants the help. His boss is in the program and he's disclosed to him that he needs help, can't do it on his own and kind of ratted himself out because he was afraid of killing someone in the truck he drives. His boss laid him off and said what ever he needs and when he's ready to come back and works a real program, his job will be waiting but if he doesn't do what he's claiming he truly wants to do, that's the end of the job.

He was so bitter with the program basically stopped working one, got himself all caught up with the drop outs so to speak, those showing up high to the meeting but claiming fame for not drinking. He's dumped all of them and has been reaching out to other in the program.

Me, I have been working my program and going to my meeting faithfully , talking with my sponsor and others and getting the courage and strength to do what I need to do for me.

I've not disclosed to him my plans, I'm just gonna do what I need to do for me.

It's a twist of fate in many ways, he's the one that got me to attend al-anon years ago as my dad's drinking was out of control. Seems our relationship was the strongest then, he was doing his program and I was learning mine. He often speaks of that time and says he'd like to get back to where he was with the program being a strong part of his life............guess only time will tell for him.